sortinghat_logs | You have bewitched me, body and soul.

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You have bewitched me, body and soul.

WHO: Murdoc and Bro
TONE: Apologetic
RATING: M for Manly
WHEN: 19th, evening.
WHERE: Bro's quarters.
WHAT: Murdoc done goofed and is finally apologising for it, as he should.
STATUS: Ongoing

Murdoc had never expected the fight to last so long. Stupid of him, really, given that he hadn't at all attempted to apologise or fix it. It wasn't that he expected it to blow over, or that he expected Dirk to make the first move. It's more that he expected Dirk to reject any apology that he made. This fight has already exposed Murdoc for the prideful creature he is. His values, as dated are they are, were part of who he is. He's begining to see what little value they have to him, really. It's just so difficult to re-evaluate prejudices you've been raised on. He's lived his whole life feeling superior and better by virtue of his birth and... it hasn't really gotten him anywhere. He doesn't have a wife for his kids and he certainly isn't living the dream. He'd wanted to be an auror as long as he remembered, but where did that get him? Not fucking far, that's for sure. Now that he can't have what he wanted all along, he's starting to see what's better for him in the long run. Maybe it took a few punches to the face and a severely messed up back to see what was there all along, but he could see it now.

Above all things, it's not power or wealth or superiority above others that he wants. What he wants, more than any valueless belief, is to be loved. He hadn't realised it before, but now he knows that deep down the only thing he desperately seeks is companionship. If he's not alone for the rest of his life he'll be far better off than the bitter, lonely and prejudiced version of himself he could very easily become. He knows what he needs to do to stop that from happening, and it's going to take a lot more than an apology to fix what keeping his mouth shut could have prevented. He can see it. He was wrong. He knows he was wrong. It feels so god damn weird to admit it to himself, but it doesn't make him feel as weak as he imagined it would. It makes him feel strong and it fills him with zeal. If he can admit it to himself, surely he can admit it to Dirk of all people. Right?

He hadn't expected to grow so close to the other man. He was a childish brat who could be weirdly stubborn about things Murdoc couldn't comprehend. He made him flustered and bothered him to get reactions and he doesn't always seem to think about what he's saying. He could be overbearing and clingy and maybe just a little bit more like Murdoc than Murdoc would care to admit. He can't easily recall hating the other man, but he did. He hated the reactions he could get from him and really, he hates it now. He doesn't want to admit it, but Dirk has him by the collar as far as feelings go. He is a source of immense frustration for Murdoc that is, in the end, entirely worth it for the rush he gets from being close to him. He's had a few partners over the span of his lifetime, but he's never felt as mutually wanted and accepted with any of them like he has with Dirk. That alone was a precious feeling, something he would be a fool to throw away. He can feel his heart ache just thinking of Dirk, let alone thinking of losing him. He can feel himself falling and it's embarrassing as it is absolutely amazing. Hell. He's already fucking fallen. He fell flat on his fucking face. He needs to pick himself up and be the kind of person Dirk deserves.

That's why he's at Dirk's door tonight. That's why he's knocking. That's why knocking is taking too long and he's barging in anyway. Locks are of no consequence to an auror. Maybe it's invasive to barge into the other man's room, but can he really turn him away when he's giving him the most utterly pathetic yet equally adoring look he's ever given anyone? No, no you can't. He's going to speak before Dirk can anyway.

"I am an absolute moron and the most remarkably stupid man to ever make your acquaintance." He's just going to let that hang in the air for a moment before he continues. "I was wrong."

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Bro didn't expect it to go for very long either. As much as it had hurt and pissed him off, he'd expected Murdoc to apologize soon after it had happened. Surely Murdoc would have to realize pretty soon where and just how badly he'd fucked up, right? But then days kept going by and still Murdoc hadn't, and that's what hurt the most. Every little argument they'd had afterwards just made it worse and worse and made the likelihood of Murdoc realizing he was wrong that much more unlikely in Bro's mind. He couldn't understand it though. It was just so fucking baffling.

How could he not realize how fucked up it was to think that? How could he honestly think he was doing Bro a favor by saying some of the shit he'd said? How the fuck could he not realize how completely and utterly he'd betrayed Bro? For the first time in years he'd let someone get close to him. Someone he'd opened himself up to completely in ways that he'd never trusted to open up to. Opening up is a big thing for Bro and to find out, then, that Murdoc considered him inferior for the simple fact that he was a Muggleborn?

That hurt. It hurt and it pissed him off. The anger was mostly directed at himself, though. For allowing himself to be put in that position. For apparently being wrong about the man he'd fallen for. It never would've happen if he'd just been smart enough to keep his feelings in check and not allow it to actually happen. Hadn't he learned the first time, after breaking up with Roxanne? He should've known better after that- the heartache was too intense and it made him too miserable after it had happened. He'd promised himself after that that he wouldn't let it happen again, which is why he'd closed himself off. Detached himself from all feelings and just had casual, one night stands with people.

And then Murdoc came along and stomped all over that and then made sure he was fucking head over heels before flipping the rug out from under him. But he hadn't cried that much over it. The one night with Dolores, when it had all been fresh, he'd cried. He'd cried and hated everything and felt so hurt and angry. And then after that, he hadn't. It was anger and indignation that took over. But behind it all, there was hope. Because Murdoc had to realize how stupid he was. After all their talks, after getting to know him... He had to fucking realize his mistake and apologize. That's the one thing that's kept him going this entire time. Because he knew without a doubt that if Murdoc were to apologize, he would fucking accept it like an idiot.

But his hope's quickly been running out the more this goes on. He's just growing more bitter and angry and sad because it just doesn't seem like Murdoc will and once again, it fucking hurts. Which is why it feels sort of like some kind of fucked up dream when all of a sudden Murdoc is barging in like the most cliche of movies and saying that. And Bro doesn't know what to say, because he's really fucking caught off guard and he doesn't know how to feel. Relieved? Angry? Happy? It's almost like all of those things bubble up all at once and make one unholy combination of emotion that is just hard to deal with.

Until the biggest emotion finally makes its way to the surface and knocks those all aside; uncertainty. Because he doesn't know if Murdoc is just saying that- if he means it. Because up until now, he hasn't gotten it. He hasn't understood why he's fucked up and Bro's nearly lost hope that he ever actually would. It makes him skeptical of the whole thing, and that's enough to kill a lot of his optimism and hope that this could be legitimate.

It takes him a few long moments to speak, but when he does, his voice is quiet and the uncertainly shows in it. "Do you actually understand why you hurt me?"

He'd expected Dirk to be skeptical of him. He knew he would be risking a lot of pride when he came down here. He doesn't know what he'll do if he leaves without knowing Dirk at least has the intention of forgiving him. He doesn't even know if he can stay in the castle if it comes to that. He's never been particularly good at dealing with wounded pride, a broken heart is another thing entirely. Especially when he'll know it's because he fucked up.

He's a talented blame shifter at the best of times, but it's hard to be so far in self denial at a time like this. Dirk has provoked him on more than one occasion, but whose to say it hasn't been a bid for attention in the hopes of encouraging Murdoc all along? Maybe a few months ago he'd have been able to blame this entire situation on Dirk's rejection of his affections and Dirk's inability to accept his place below him, but he's been far too self aware to fool himself with those lies. At least, not anymore. He'd tried, because deep down he can be truly selfish, but in the end he had to accept that what he said drove a wedge between them. He made the hole, he's the one who needs to patch it up. Once again, it's because loving someone is far more valuable than being better than them. Being better doesn't keep you warm at night, it just makes you even more lonely.

He wants to be with Dirk so desperately and so badly that getting rid of a part of himself doesn't seem all that hard in the long run. It wasn't a valuable part anyway, there's no room in the life he's building for old world values and silly prejudices. If he can learn to accept people more easily then maybe, just maybe, he'll finally be able to keep someone close without pushing them away.

He approaches Dirk carefully, wanting to close some of the distance between them without breaking any personal barriers. His eyes are fixed on Dirk's behind his shades and he manages to nod without breaking contact. He takes a moment, choosing his words carefully and choosing to cite one of Dirk's own arguments in his response.

"You said that we were supposed to be equal, and we are.." He trails off before picking up again. "It was never my place to judge or measure your social standin', because what we have goes beyond blood and whether you're pure or not shouldn't matter. And it shouldn't have to. And I shouldn't have ever let it mean anythin' when you are absolutely more precious to me than how important I am to myself."

Edited 2013-01-19 11:49 (UTC)

Bro tenses up slightly when Murdoc comes at him. It's an automatic response, because he's once more back to feeling vulnerable and guarded. He hates that he feels the need to do that after so long of being able to relax completely around Murdoc. But despite how tense he is, his eyes are on Murdoc's and he can't look away, like they've having eye contact despite the fact Bro's eyes are hidden. When Murdoc begins speaking, he feels his stomach starting to twist, like he's afraid Murdoc is just going to fuck it all up again. That he still doesn't get it, and that this is his stupid attempt at trying to fix something that he still doesn't understand.

But then Murdoc keeps going, and as he speaks, he feels his stomach unclench a little bit, because he's actually saying things that don't make it worse. He's actually fucking sounding like he understands and that makes Bro feel so much better that it's almost a literal, physical relief. But even despite that, he's still afraid that Murdoc doesn't understand it completely, and he wants him to more than anything so that the apology actually means more. He wants Murdoc to know exactly why it fucking hurt like it did.

"That's not the only reason." His voice is still quiet, and he's trying to keep it steady now because his feelings are starting to surface and it's making it hard. "I let my guard down... I let it down for you and only you. I opened myself up in ways I never fuckin' have. Because I thought that you liked me unconditionally." God, this is fucking hard. Now that he's saying this things, really letting them out, his anger is fading and the hurt is actually surfacing in his voice and he feels fucking stupid for it. "I know I can get on your fuckin' nerves, and fuck knows you can too. But I thought it went deeper. That despite it all, it was still unconditional and than the stupid, trivial shit didn't matter."

Fuck him, tears are welling in his eyes, and it's clear in his voice now. The anger is gone and it's nothing but all the hurt he's been pushing back this whole time. And his accent is slipping, one of the prime indicators that he's really losing his cool. "But then I found out the entire time, you thought I was beneath you. Over somethin' I can't control, and that doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things." He swallows, and by god he's fighting back the tears, because he has dignity and he's not going to lose it in front of Murdoc.

But when he speaks again, there's pleading to it, because he desperately wants Murdoc to just fucking understand. "Do you see where I'm comin' from? Can you see why it'd really fucking hurt?"

Edited 2013-01-19 12:31 (UTC)

Murdoc notes the tension. It's a little painful to watch, especially considering the fact that all Murdoc wants to do is step forward and throw his arms arond Dirk. He's missed having him around so badly. He'd gotten so used to being lonely that adjusting to Dirk had hurt even more when he didn't have him anymore. He misses the way he feels and smells and the comforting sort of warmth his body provides. It's the little things that Murdoc feels himself noticing the lack of in the long run.

He can understand the fact that Dirk would want to shy away from him. He's been an insufferable ass and entirely unpleasant to be around. Who would want to be touched by someone who doesn't respect them? It's a horribly undignified feeling, Murdoc is begining to understand more and more why Dirk is so angry with him.

He refrains from touching him for the moment, but his voice takes on a softer tone. It's less desperate and urgent and more comforting. He gives Dirk a small smile, because he can only be utterly amused at the tricks he pulled on himself to try and sabotage his own happiness. It was horrible and shattering and he hates himself for it, but it's damn hard not to smile a little when he talks about how he feels about Dirk.

"It was never important, love. I was lyin' to myself. I would never have lied to you if I knew..It really didn't matter. All my life I've been taught that I was absolutely superior and that anyone with less than pureblood isn't worth my time. I've gone nearly forty years thinkin' that was true like a damn idiot and nobody has ever made me feel any different."

He reaches for Dirk's hand as he notes how emotional the other man is getting. It's hard to keep his own cool, but he hasn't cried in years. He doesn't know if he knows how to anymore. He's much better at bottling it up and letting it out by being miserable. The corner of his lip twitches upward, and he continues.

"Nobody but you. You make me feel like bein' equal is bein' better if it means I'm on the same level as you." He chews his lip for a moment, worrying about the wording. "You're better than me where it counts."

When Murdoc begins speaking, his heart starts hammering harder than it has in a while, because he's scared. He's scared that Murdoc will just make it worse by saying something stupid, and after letting his guard down enough to say what he'd said, he isn't sure if he can handle it. If Murdoc screws this up then that's it. It's over, because he can't fucking keep holding onto the hope that Murdoc will get it. Either he gets it now, or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, then it's going to hurt like a bitch. Because then the anger will have disappeared and he'll be left with nothing but the hurt to deal with.

But then Murdoc keeps going, and instead of saying things that make it worse, he's actually saying things that show he has realized where he's wrong. And he sounds sincere. And when he reaches for Bro's hand, Bro lets him because he doesn't have it in him now to push him away. He's missed Murdoc so fucking much, and the simple act of holding his hand is enough to make him realize that and bring it out full force. But even despite that, Bro can't help but feel guarded. Like he's scared to accept it. Because what if he does, and then it turns out that Murdoc is still the way he is?

At the same time though, a part of him gets it. As much as it's hurt and made him angry, can he really fault Murdoc for being so set in his ways when he's never had the opportunity to be any different? It's obvious that he's trying. It's not just going to go away over night, and Bro realizes that. And... if he really cares for Murdoc, if he really wants this to work... he can be patient. He can actually help him put aside his prejudices. Does it hurt? Yes. But he realizes it's something ingrained in Murdoc and that, as much as it's hurt, he can't really help that he thought that way at the time. And despite all the hurt, he realizes that Murdoc is worth the risk of getting hurt more. Because he fucking missed him. Not having him was like not having a part of himself, as cliche as that is.

He squeezes Murdoc's hand after a few long moments of silence, staring down at their hands. "Thank you," he finally murmurs, not really able to look Murdoc in the face right now. "You have a hell of a lot more to apologize for than I do, but..." He forces himself to look at him then, but he can't bring himself to take his shades off. He's not ready for that just yet. Not now. "But I'm sorry, too. For holding it against you so hard. I'm not saying it's fucking alright. But it's how you were raised, and you couldn't help it."

Stepping closer, he brings up Murdoc's hand and presses his lips to it. "I forgive you... But only if you promise you'll work on getting over it. Changing the shit you were taught. Not just me, but... in general. You promise?"

Murdoc starts to feel hopeful as Dirk takes his hand. He hadn't come with words prepared, he's speaking sincerely. It feels better this way, but he also has no idea what impact the words will have. It's almost as if they hang in the air between them as Dirk considers their value.

He can feel his heart thudding against his chest. He can hear it thudding. He's so nervous, but he's also just so utterly smitten with the man in front of him. He's been so good for him, he makes him feel like changing isn't impossible and that it won't make him vulnerable or lonely. He grips Dirk's hand a little tighter as he speaks, letting his cold hand become warmed by the heat of Dirk's as he listens.

He nods and he can feel himself smile wider. He can't stop himself from smiling now. He did it, for what is probably the first time in his life he managed to fix a tricky situation almost entirely on his own. He can own to his actions now and it gives him the strangest feeling of relief. As if he knows there are better things to come from it.

"You needn't apologise. I imagine it came as a rather rude shock to you. I can't say I would've acted any differently." It's true when he puts himself in Dirk's shoes, he's not sure his own heart would have withstood the pain of it. "I will. It'll be easy with you here to help me. I promise I will as long as you promise you'll be there when I make an arse of myself. Or so I don't, rather." He lets out a small laugh, relief flooding over him as he watches Dirk.

Finally, he steps forward and threads his free hand into the other man's hair, leaning in for the sloppiest, ugliest 'I missed you so much' kiss he's ever had in his entire life. That's when he realises..

"When I said I loved you, I meant it." He twists his mouth into a small scowl at his own behaviour. "I hadn't meant to bring it up in such an utterly pathetic manner. But it's true. I do love you, Dirk." He lets out a small, relieved sigh at that. It feels good to say it, even though he's fairly certain the message won't be sincerely returned to him tonight.

Murdoc's first words make him feel even better. It's really proof that Murdoc knows that what he's done is shitty, if he doesn't need any kind of apology in return. It's a good feeling, and it makes him feel hopeful that things will work out for the better. He gives him a nod, letting him know that he will be there. That he'll make sure that Murdoc doesn't slip up again. He really fucking hopes that Murdoc's learned from this, though. That he won't need to do much in order to keep him in line. He isn't sure how he'll handle another slip up, but he really hopes that it won't end in disaster if it does happen. This has been a learning experience for the both of them in a lot of ways.

When Murdoc kisses him, it's after only a moment's hesitation that he kisses back, and if Murdoc is sloppy, Bro is just as sloppy, if not moreso. Because holy fuck on a muffin, he really missed Murdoc and kissing him is enough to make him realize just how much- he thought he knew before, but it's taking the kiss to really hammer in just how much it really was. He's still holding onto Murdoc even when he pulls away to speak, and he almost wants nothing more than to just lean back in for another one. But he doesn't.

And he's glad for that, because those words... they're unexpected, but in the best way possible. He'd been absolutely, uncomprehendingly angry and hurt that Murdoc would say them that night of all nights, as if he were trying to use them to fix the situation. As if they made everything he'd said better. What should've made him happy and ecstatic just made him miserable in the end. Not this time, though. This time they have a similar effect on him that they should have the first time. He can feel his heart flutter and a smile tugging at his lips, but...

At the same time, he can't bring himself to say it right now. Not yet. He might've been able to say it that night, had Murdoc said it in a better way and none of it had happened. He's definitely felt himself getting there, and the fact that the two of them can pull through this definitely shows that. He wouldn't let this go for just anyone. But this has put a bump in the road and even though he can still feel it there, he isn't ready to say it right now. He needs more time, so that he can completely move on from it.

"That means a lot to me," he says, and the sincerity is there in his voice. "I thought they were just words before. But... I need more time. I'll be patient with you on the Muggle stuff, you... be patient with me on this. Deal?" He presses a quick kiss to Murdoc's lips, and then wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a hug and laying his head on his chest. "It's a trust thing," he adds after a few seconds.

He enjoys the kiss for what it is and he loses himself in it. He's thought about it since Dirk stormed out on him and having their lips locked together in the most ungraceful and messy kiss just seems perfect and right. Better than a million staged, neat and flawless kisses. It's full of raw emotion.

When he sees that what he's saying is being accepting, he starts to feel a weight lifted off him. It's been weighing down on him since it happened and he hasn't been fully aware of how to move on from it until now. Until he realised what he wanted. It isn't ever worth being angry, not when you have something so valuable. He imagines there are a great deal of things he'd sacrifice for the sake of making Dirk happy, even if it called for some self compromise. However, as it has been made very clear, perhaps the things he intends to compromise aren't nearly as valuable as what he has come to realise he desires above all things.

Dirk.

His heart pangs as Dirk requests patience from him. Not because patience is difficult to give or because he's upset by his reaction, but it is difficult to admit such a thing and not have it returned in a mutual manner. Perhaps at another time this would have made Murdoc bitter, but there are no signs that Dirk intends to leave him with just that. He still has more than a shot to make the other man fall for him, he's simply lost quite a few points in the past month. He's certain he can win them back through a multitude of venues.

He buries his face into the top of Dirk's head and grunts in response, wrapping his arms back around him tightly and pressing a kiss against him before muttering softly.

"Take as long as you need." Not that he'll need it, he thinks. He's certain he'll be able to prove his worth as a partner in a short amount of time. Or at least, he hopes he can. The feeling of being in love and not having it be mutual is a little bit of a loose end for Murdoc, as if he hasn't given Dirk as much as Dirk has given him.

Bro doesn't know how long it will take. All in all, it didn't take long to get close to being able to say it. In a way, this is just nothing more than a minor setback. A part of him wants to be able to say it now, but he just... can't bring himself to. As if there's a wall blocking those feelings. It's a flimsy one, one that will disappear in time, but just how long is unclear.

He lets out a hum as Murdoc kisses him, and just leans in closer to him, closing his eyes. "Thank you," he says after a few seconds. Because he's grateful that Murdoc is being patient with him, too. He knows how it must feel to have said it but to not get it back. It's a pride thing, and he can understand that. But the fact that Murdoc isn't visibly upset about it makes Bro feel better, and it just brings him that much closer to being able to demolish that wall so that he can reciprocate it that much sooner.

After a few seconds, his hands travel from where they're pressed against Murdoc's back, a little lower until they're resting on his ass. It's been entirely too long since he's held this ass in his hands. He grins lightly against Murdoc's chest and wordlessly gives his ass a squeeze.

Murdoc doesn't think it will take long at all. If only because he knows he's worth something to Dirk and that if he can behave himself and prove himself just enough, Dirk will remember that. He hasn't lost him yet, and that's the most positive sign for him. It absolutely thrills him that he has somebody who won't leave him when he's acted improperly.

He hums back, both in response to the hum and the thank you. He has nothing more to say to that and it hurts just that little bit to keep dwelling on it. He's inspired to work harder at it, he is going to be an amazing boyfriend and he'll have him back properly before that godforsaken romantic day that he hates so god damn much.

He's so lost in his plans, he hardly feels Dirk's hands travel down. He does, however, feel the squeeze. It's surprising enough to make him gasp quite loudly in surprise and, well, approval. Now he's going pink, knowing that noise was stupidly telling.

There really is a good chance that Murdoc will have him back in no time, even if Bro doesn't know it. It's true that he can't just let him go that easily now that he's let him in, and the fact he got in so quickly is proof that it probably will happen again just as quickly. Especially now, when it's already happened once and he isn't going to be nearly as stubborn along the way.

The gasp that Murdoc lets out in the kiss amuses him, and he can't help but let out a chuckle against his lips. He pulls away after a few seconds, giving Murdoc a sly little smile. "Really? You get me back and already you're only thinking of sex? I see how it is. You only want me for my ass."

He's teasing, obviously. "If you say please, maybe I'll give you a handjob." Because as much as he's teasing... He isn't ready to have sex again just yet. Not when his biggest problem was that fact that he'd bottomed for Murdoc, an act that took a lot of letting his pride down. He's not ready to let himself get dominated again so soon after their fight.

Murdoc doesn't know that for sure, and he doesn't want to put his hope or his heart on a maybe. Yet, he feels himself doing it anyway. Just hopelessly and desperately assuming everything okay, because it needs to be okay. He's come so far. If it doesn't work out he doesn't know how far he'll regress.

He tightens his lips, annoyed at himself for gasping like that. He didn't want to turn tonight into..that. Even if he'd hoped it would come to it. Being teased for it makes him flustered and his face reddens as he frowns.

"Your hands went there first, remember?" He raises an eyebrow and stares him down. He knows Bro is joking, but he doesn't want him to feel that way at all. As much as he'd like to say yes, something about it seems so desperate and not at all romantic. He shakes his head and hates himself for it. "I'll live."

He is most definitely joking. For as upset as Murdoc had made him, he knows that the man wouldn't go through all of this and then just use him for sex. And honestly, he can sympathise with Murdoc a bit. It's been a while, after all, and when you're having daily sex and just stop, then it's... not fucking easy to just give that up. So when Murdoc declines the offer, he just lets out a small laugh. His hand snakes around Murdoc and moves to cup him between the legs as he gives him a grin. "I think you're underestimating how much I want to get my hands on Murdoc Junior."

See? Murdoc is getting better at realising when things are jokes. In doing so, he's realised how funny Dirk is, and how nice it is to laugh and joke about things. Murdoc hasn't laughed as much with anyone before, it never felt right to like it does now.
Speaking of things that feel right... he's just going to groan in a low voice as Dirk reaches around to cup him. He presses closer, trying to find that mature, capable person that didn't need to have something resembling sex straight away- oh god.

"If that's what you want..." He trails off, nuzzling against his neck in a way that pretty much demands attention.

"It is," he says quietly. Because while he doesn't want to go the full sex, he's missed just being sexual in general. There's nothing wrong or degrading like a hand job, like he feels getting fucked up the ass would be right now. He just needs time to get over his bitterness in regards to that.

Bro lets out a small hum of contentment as Murdoc nuzzles into his neck, and he presses closer while his hand rubs at the front of Murdoc's pants for a few moments. Then, he undoes the button and slides the zipper down, slipping his hand in to press against Murdoc's underwear covered dick, running his fingers back and forth over the length.

"Then I'm glad we're in agreeance." He gives him a wicked grin. It's very good to know that he isn't the one asking for this. He's been thinking about it for so long and it just pains him to consider the fact that they haven't been doing it because of his own stupid mistakes. He's got to hand it to Dirk, he knows how to punish. But he's glad to have a boyfriend who can make exceptions from time to time.

Murdoc gasps against his skin, huffing as Dirk runs his fingers back and forth. It never ceases to amaze him how wonderful the lightest touches seem to feel. Is it Dirk's skill or his desperation making it so damn good.

Oh, Murdoc. It's good that you appreciate him for this. Not just anyone would be willing to give you a handjob the night you made up after a nasty fight. It takes a special kind of person to be so willing- or rather, it takes a very perverted kind of person to be so willing. You hooked a perv, Murdoc, he hopes you're happy.

Murdocs reactions have him smirking, and he can't help the way his ego grows at how easy it is to get reactions out of Murdoc. He teases his hands along the shaft some more, before he finally presses his fingers inside the waistband and pulls it forward and down slowly, freeing Murdoc's dick.

"Looks like Murdoc Jr. sure has missed me, eh?" he raises an eyebrow, giving Murdoc a devious grin. Lightly, teasingly, he wraps his hand around the base, not doing much more than that for now.

Bro has no idea how much Murdoc appreciates having a perverted boyfriend. It makes him feel so much less judged about his insane libido and his perfectly adequate kinks. In fact, Bro can make him feel just a little bit INadequate in that regard. Though he feels like he could grow fond of a great deal of the things Bro is into.

He is lucky. He's the luckiest man in the world. He has a gorgeous and lovely boyfriend and he's still confused as to how he could have allowed himself to push him away like that. He swears that is never going to happen again. He's going to be stuck on him for a long time.

"Mmh." Is all he can manage in response, but the soft chuckle that follows it confirms he is enjoying it. He raises his hands to Bro's face, cupping it and stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. He leans down to kiss him, pushing his hips closer as he does.

It's alright, honestly. Bro makes just about anyone feel inadequate in the kinks department. He's open to so much. On the bright side, though, they never have to worry about their sex life getting boring. The chances of that ever happening are so laughably small that to think about it is completely stupid. Bro is lucky in that regard, because any normal person would probably be put off by him and his weirdness. So he really is lucky to have someone with a libido like Murdoc's.

Bro returns the kiss slowly and teasingly, as he begins to stroke Murdoc. He doesn't want it to be over too fast, so his strokes are slow as well, the goal to work Murdoc up until he's putty in Bro's hands. More so than he already IS. Because it's pretty clear that Murdoc wants this badly, so Bro is pretty sure it won't take too much to get him worked up. He won't make him beg for it, though. That would just be cruel given the circumstances, and he isn't that big of an asshole.

So he strokes Murdoc as a fairly slow speed as he kisses him lazily, sucking at Murdoc's bottom lip every now and then as he lets out a satisfied hum against the other man's lips.

Between them, they could slowly make their way through a very long bucket list of kinks. Murdoc is happy to try most things so long as he doesn't feel humiliated, he's only really shy about the fact that he's very nearly insatiable. He can't help it. He likes sex, it hits all of his vital points. Those being his intense need for attention, devotion and satisfacton, all of which Bro provides.

Despite Bro's slow pace, Murdoc is pushing down into the kiss quite eagerly. He's missed the way Bro's mouth tastes and feels. He's wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt and kiss him for weeks now. He's not dillydallying with it now, his tongue is already slipping into Bro's mouth to explore.

He lets out an impatient moan, shifting his hips upward and moving his hands to stroke Bro's chest. He grips the fabric lightly, sighing into the kiss and teasing at Bro's tongue with his own.

Bro is quite determined not to get too worked up. He doesn't want this to end in sex, and if he gets too into it, it probably will. His willpower is only so strong, after all. So that's why even though Murdoc is eager and needy, he's still determined to kiss him slowly and lazily. He does at least pick up the pace of his hand though, when Murdoc moans impatiently and bucks into the touch. He also lets out a chuckle and breaks the kiss after a moment, pressing his forehead against Murdoc's.

"Somebody's impatient today." As he speaks, he gives Murdoc a squeeze and an expert twist of his wrist on the upstroke.

The fact that he isn't getting worked up is just a tiny bit frustrating. He knows he's been a prick, but god he wants to do something mutually satisfying right now. He wants to hear Bro groan and watch him squirm and know he's enjoying it as much as he is. But he knows this is all he deserves, so he resists the urge to push him over and take this to the next level.

"My apologies." He grunts, letting out a strained chuckle. "It's hard not to be eager." It's been WEEKS, Bro. WEEKS.

Not gonna happen, Murdoc. Unfortunately. But soon- he'll probably not be able to last too long. He is a man of certain needs himself, after all. But for now, he's entirely comfortable just being a tease and giving Murdoc a nice handjob. "Don't apologize. I think it's cute." He smirks and then picks up the pace a little, stroking harder and faster.

Murdoc is going to rely heavily on Bro's love and need of sex to keep himself hopeful. If Bro doesn't come around soon he's going to be paranoid that he's getting something on the side. And Murdoc would probably deserve that too after what a jackass he's been.

Though even thinking about that makes him feel weirdly guilty, like he's betraying Bro's honor by even thinking that. He lets out a small sigh, leaning his forehead against Bro's and moving his hips upward.

"I'm glad someone does." He says, just a little sulky about it. He hums as Bro picks up the pace, moving to bury his face into his neck and groan against it, trying to refrain from nipping him too hard. He has no idea if he wants to be marked after all.

Of course, he doesn't last much longer with all of this attention being paid to his dick, it's only maybe a few more minutes before he's muttering frantically about being close and climaxing into the other man's hand.

Bro doesn't mind the closeness, and he reaches out to wrap around Murdoc's neck as Murdoc buries his face in his neck. He hums softly, letting his eyes close as he works Murdoc's cock. This is pretty nice, he thinks. It feels somehow more intimate than sex would right now. Or at least to him. And that feels pretty damn good.

He tilts his head a little to press a kiss against Murdoc's forehead, breathing in the scent of his hair and letting the lust wash over him as he does so. He's not overly horny right now, at least, but he'll probably quietly jerk off in the bathroom when he's done here.

Bro's hand grips a little tighter when Murdoc starts cumming and strokes him through it, lips quirking in a faint smile. Once he's finally done, he pulls off Murdoc's dick and then promptly wipes his hand on Murdoc's pants.

The closeness makes everything so much better. He feels like they're safe and, because of that, he feels safe. He doesn't know what he'd do if Dirk decided he wanted to end it instead of giving him a chance. He doesn't handle rejection well, it wouldn't have gone well at all.

He disregards the what-if thoughts and chooses to focus on how good it feels to be experiencing a wonderful after glow whilst nested against Bro. He's pressing more of his weight onto him at this point, his knees are still weak from his orgasm and he's resisting the urge to collapse ontop of Bro.

It's his irritation from the wipe that wakes him up a little. He raises his head away from Dirk's shoulder so he can scowl down at his pants before scowling at Dirk. "Was that necessary?" He asks dryly, moving to tuck himself back into his pants with a small amount of difficulty. Whatever. "What now?" He asks, unsure if Dirk is going to allow him back into his bed.

Murdoc's scowl is met with nothing more than an amused look and satisfied look. Consider that 'revenge' of sorts. He feels oddly happy with himself for having done that. "Yeah," is all he says to it, leaning in to press a kiss to Murdoc's cheek like the obnoxious little shit that he is. When Murdoc asks that question, he raises an eyebrow. What's he mean what now? And then it hits him that Murdoc doesn't actually want to leave. After a few seconds of thought, he just shrugs lightly.

"Well... if you wanted, the couch is free," he offers. "I don't mind."

The offer of the couch seems to cut Murdoc's line of thought off at it's roots. It seems fairly heavily implied that he isn't wanted in his bed and it would hurt way too much to ask for a sincere answer right now. It's a little saddening and it's a damper on the warmth of his afterglow.

He hums, pressing a kiss back on Dirk's cheek and nestling up against him as best he can. He really doesn't want to be seperated from him right now, so if the couch is as close he can get he'll take it.

"Alright." He presses a kiss to his neck. "I'll be here, then."

Bro can tell that the answer has deflated Murdoc a little, and there's a pang of guilt, which is why he wraps an arm around Murdoc's waist as the other nestles up against him. There's a small part of him that wants to change his mind, but at the same time he feels like he has to hold his ground just this once. So after a moment of holding Murdoc close, he pulls away and gives him a nod. "See you tomorrow, then."

Except the problem? It's an hour and a half or so later of Bro laying in bed, unable to sleep. Now that he's made up with Murdoc, the bed feels emptier than it has in a long, long time. Knowing Murdoc is just a few feet away in the other room on the couch just makes it even more difficult to deal with. He figures maybe Murdoc has suffered enough. He knows he himself has, at least. So... He finally just decides to get up, making his way out of his room. Whether or not Murdoc is asleep yet or not, Bro is going to slide onto the couch with him despite the limited space, and press close to him.

Murdoc has fallen in and out of sleep a few times, it's kind of hard to get a goodnight's sleep when this couch isn't nearly as comfortable as his bed. He's begining to think it was a mistake to linger, he might even have to call on Dolores for a massage, but somehow knowing he's a little bit closer to Bro puts him at ease.

He's a light sleeper but Bro is pretty damn light on his feet. He's having a brief moment of sleep as the other man approaches, and he continues to pretend as if he is up until Bro presses against him. He lets out a soft huff of a laugh, scooching backward and pulling Bro up onto him so they're both more comfortable. Other than that, he doesn't call him out on it or bring attention to it, he just buries his face against his neck and lets out a content sigh.

"I love you so much." He grumbles in a soft voice before slowly letting the warm, content feeling ease him into a much better sleep.

Bro allows Murdoc to pull him against him, not fighting it at all. It... feels really good to be so close to him again. He knows he shouldn't be so readily accepting of how good it feels, but he can't help it. He's missed it, and after so long, it feels nice to be able to do this again.

"I know," he whispers back, bringing a hand up so he can run it across his cheek slowly, before letting it fall back down. He's quiet after that, allowing Murdoc to fall asleep. It's only when he's absolutely sure that Murdoc is asleep that he speaks. "I love you too, asshole." It just kind of comes out, but he can't find it in him to really care. Murdoc is asleep, and he doesn't have to worry about him hearing. It's the truth and he can't deny it, either. Why else would it all have hurt so much, if it weren't?

But saying it to him when he's conscious is a whole different thing than saying it to him while he's sleeping. He isn't quite sure when he'll be able to do that, but at least this is a start. And with that, he allows himself to drift off to sleep too, almost feeling like a weight's been lifted off his chest.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You have bewitched me, body and soul.

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