Bro didn't expect it to go for very long either. As much as it had hurt and pissed him off, he'd expected Murdoc to apologize soon after it had happened. Surely Murdoc would have to realize pretty soon where and just how badly he'd fucked up, right? But then days kept going by and still Murdoc hadn't, and that's what hurt the most. Every little argument they'd had afterwards just made it worse and worse and made the likelihood of Murdoc realizing he was wrong that much more unlikely in Bro's mind. He couldn't understand it though. It was just so fucking baffling.
How could he not realize how fucked up it was to think that? How could he honestly think he was doing Bro a favor by saying some of the shit he'd said? How the fuck could he not realize how completely and utterly he'd betrayed Bro? For the first time in years he'd let someone get close to him. Someone he'd opened himself up to completely in ways that he'd never trusted to open up to. Opening up is a big thing for Bro and to find out, then, that Murdoc considered him inferior for the simple fact that he was a Muggleborn?
That hurt. It hurt and it pissed him off. The anger was mostly directed at himself, though. For allowing himself to be put in that position. For apparently being wrong about the man he'd fallen for. It never would've happen if he'd just been smart enough to keep his feelings in check and not allow it to actually happen. Hadn't he learned the first time, after breaking up with Roxanne? He should've known better after that- the heartache was too intense and it made him too miserable after it had happened. He'd promised himself after that that he wouldn't let it happen again, which is why he'd closed himself off. Detached himself from all feelings and just had casual, one night stands with people.
And then Murdoc came along and stomped all over that and then made sure he was fucking head over heels before flipping the rug out from under him. But he hadn't cried that much over it. The one night with Dolores, when it had all been fresh, he'd cried. He'd cried and hated everything and felt so hurt and angry. And then after that, he hadn't. It was anger and indignation that took over. But behind it all, there was hope. Because Murdoc had to realize how stupid he was. After all their talks, after getting to know him... He had to fucking realize his mistake and apologize. That's the one thing that's kept him going this entire time. Because he knew without a doubt that if Murdoc were to apologize, he would fucking accept it like an idiot.
But his hope's quickly been running out the more this goes on. He's just growing more bitter and angry and sad because it just doesn't seem like Murdoc will and once again, it fucking hurts. Which is why it feels sort of like some kind of fucked up dream when all of a sudden Murdoc is barging in like the most cliche of movies and saying that. And Bro doesn't know what to say, because he's really fucking caught off guard and he doesn't know how to feel. Relieved? Angry? Happy? It's almost like all of those things bubble up all at once and make one unholy combination of emotion that is just hard to deal with.
Until the biggest emotion finally makes its way to the surface and knocks those all aside; uncertainty. Because he doesn't know if Murdoc is just saying that- if he means it. Because up until now, he hasn't gotten it. He hasn't understood why he's fucked up and Bro's nearly lost hope that he ever actually would. It makes him skeptical of the whole thing, and that's enough to kill a lot of his optimism and hope that this could be legitimate.
It takes him a few long moments to speak, but when he does, his voice is quiet and the uncertainly shows in it. "Do you actually understand why you hurt me?"
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How could he not realize how fucked up it was to think that? How could he honestly think he was doing Bro a favor by saying some of the shit he'd said? How the fuck could he not realize how completely and utterly he'd betrayed Bro? For the first time in years he'd let someone get close to him. Someone he'd opened himself up to completely in ways that he'd never trusted to open up to. Opening up is a big thing for Bro and to find out, then, that Murdoc considered him inferior for the simple fact that he was a Muggleborn?
That hurt. It hurt and it pissed him off. The anger was mostly directed at himself, though. For allowing himself to be put in that position. For apparently being wrong about the man he'd fallen for. It never would've happen if he'd just been smart enough to keep his feelings in check and not allow it to actually happen. Hadn't he learned the first time, after breaking up with Roxanne? He should've known better after that- the heartache was too intense and it made him too miserable after it had happened. He'd promised himself after that that he wouldn't let it happen again, which is why he'd closed himself off. Detached himself from all feelings and just had casual, one night stands with people.
And then Murdoc came along and stomped all over that and then made sure he was fucking head over heels before flipping the rug out from under him. But he hadn't cried that much over it. The one night with Dolores, when it had all been fresh, he'd cried. He'd cried and hated everything and felt so hurt and angry. And then after that, he hadn't. It was anger and indignation that took over. But behind it all, there was hope. Because Murdoc had to realize how stupid he was. After all their talks, after getting to know him... He had to fucking realize his mistake and apologize. That's the one thing that's kept him going this entire time. Because he knew without a doubt that if Murdoc were to apologize, he would fucking accept it like an idiot.
But his hope's quickly been running out the more this goes on. He's just growing more bitter and angry and sad because it just doesn't seem like Murdoc will and once again, it fucking hurts. Which is why it feels sort of like some kind of fucked up dream when all of a sudden Murdoc is barging in like the most cliche of movies and saying that. And Bro doesn't know what to say, because he's really fucking caught off guard and he doesn't know how to feel. Relieved? Angry? Happy? It's almost like all of those things bubble up all at once and make one unholy combination of emotion that is just hard to deal with.
Until the biggest emotion finally makes its way to the surface and knocks those all aside; uncertainty. Because he doesn't know if Murdoc is just saying that- if he means it. Because up until now, he hasn't gotten it. He hasn't understood why he's fucked up and Bro's nearly lost hope that he ever actually would. It makes him skeptical of the whole thing, and that's enough to kill a lot of his optimism and hope that this could be legitimate.
It takes him a few long moments to speak, but when he does, his voice is quiet and the uncertainly shows in it. "Do you actually understand why you hurt me?"