Murdoc Marlin Ampora (Orphaner Dualscar) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wwistful) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sortinghat_logs2013-01-19 08:13 pm
wwistful) wrote in sortinghat_logs2013-01-19 08:13 pm
Entry tags:
You have bewitched me, body and soul.
WHO: Murdoc and Bro
TONE: Apologetic
RATING: M for Manly
WHEN: 19th, evening.
WHERE: Bro's quarters.
WHAT: Murdoc done goofed and is finally apologising for it, as he should.
STATUS: Ongoing
Murdoc had never expected the fight to last so long. Stupid of him, really, given that he hadn't at all attempted to apologise or fix it. It wasn't that he expected it to blow over, or that he expected Dirk to make the first move. It's more that he expected Dirk to reject any apology that he made. This fight has already exposed Murdoc for the prideful creature he is. His values, as dated are they are, were part of who he is. He's begining to see what little value they have to him, really. It's just so difficult to re-evaluate prejudices you've been raised on. He's lived his whole life feeling superior and better by virtue of his birth and... it hasn't really gotten him anywhere. He doesn't have a wife for his kids and he certainly isn't living the dream. He'd wanted to be an auror as long as he remembered, but where did that get him? Not fucking far, that's for sure. Now that he can't have what he wanted all along, he's starting to see what's better for him in the long run. Maybe it took a few punches to the face and a severely messed up back to see what was there all along, but he could see it now.
Above all things, it's not power or wealth or superiority above others that he wants. What he wants, more than any valueless belief, is to be loved. He hadn't realised it before, but now he knows that deep down the only thing he desperately seeks is companionship. If he's not alone for the rest of his life he'll be far better off than the bitter, lonely and prejudiced version of himself he could very easily become. He knows what he needs to do to stop that from happening, and it's going to take a lot more than an apology to fix what keeping his mouth shut could have prevented. He can see it. He was wrong. He knows he was wrong. It feels so god damn weird to admit it to himself, but it doesn't make him feel as weak as he imagined it would. It makes him feel strong and it fills him with zeal. If he can admit it to himself, surely he can admit it to Dirk of all people. Right?
He hadn't expected to grow so close to the other man. He was a childish brat who could be weirdly stubborn about things Murdoc couldn't comprehend. He made him flustered and bothered him to get reactions and he doesn't always seem to think about what he's saying. He could be overbearing and clingy and maybe just a little bit more like Murdoc than Murdoc would care to admit. He can't easily recall hating the other man, but he did. He hated the reactions he could get from him and really, he hates it now. He doesn't want to admit it, but Dirk has him by the collar as far as feelings go. He is a source of immense frustration for Murdoc that is, in the end, entirely worth it for the rush he gets from being close to him. He's had a few partners over the span of his lifetime, but he's never felt as mutually wanted and accepted with any of them like he has with Dirk. That alone was a precious feeling, something he would be a fool to throw away. He can feel his heart ache just thinking of Dirk, let alone thinking of losing him. He can feel himself falling and it's embarrassing as it is absolutely amazing. Hell. He's already fucking fallen. He fell flat on his fucking face. He needs to pick himself up and be the kind of person Dirk deserves.
That's why he's at Dirk's door tonight. That's why he's knocking. That's why knocking is taking too long and he's barging in anyway. Locks are of no consequence to an auror. Maybe it's invasive to barge into the other man's room, but can he really turn him away when he's giving him the most utterly pathetic yet equally adoring look he's ever given anyone? No, no you can't. He's going to speak before Dirk can anyway.
"I am an absolute moron and the most remarkably stupid man to ever make your acquaintance." He's just going to let that hang in the air for a moment before he continues. "I was wrong."
TONE: Apologetic
RATING: M for Manly
WHEN: 19th, evening.
WHERE: Bro's quarters.
WHAT: Murdoc done goofed and is finally apologising for it, as he should.
STATUS: Ongoing
Murdoc had never expected the fight to last so long. Stupid of him, really, given that he hadn't at all attempted to apologise or fix it. It wasn't that he expected it to blow over, or that he expected Dirk to make the first move. It's more that he expected Dirk to reject any apology that he made. This fight has already exposed Murdoc for the prideful creature he is. His values, as dated are they are, were part of who he is. He's begining to see what little value they have to him, really. It's just so difficult to re-evaluate prejudices you've been raised on. He's lived his whole life feeling superior and better by virtue of his birth and... it hasn't really gotten him anywhere. He doesn't have a wife for his kids and he certainly isn't living the dream. He'd wanted to be an auror as long as he remembered, but where did that get him? Not fucking far, that's for sure. Now that he can't have what he wanted all along, he's starting to see what's better for him in the long run. Maybe it took a few punches to the face and a severely messed up back to see what was there all along, but he could see it now.
Above all things, it's not power or wealth or superiority above others that he wants. What he wants, more than any valueless belief, is to be loved. He hadn't realised it before, but now he knows that deep down the only thing he desperately seeks is companionship. If he's not alone for the rest of his life he'll be far better off than the bitter, lonely and prejudiced version of himself he could very easily become. He knows what he needs to do to stop that from happening, and it's going to take a lot more than an apology to fix what keeping his mouth shut could have prevented. He can see it. He was wrong. He knows he was wrong. It feels so god damn weird to admit it to himself, but it doesn't make him feel as weak as he imagined it would. It makes him feel strong and it fills him with zeal. If he can admit it to himself, surely he can admit it to Dirk of all people. Right?
He hadn't expected to grow so close to the other man. He was a childish brat who could be weirdly stubborn about things Murdoc couldn't comprehend. He made him flustered and bothered him to get reactions and he doesn't always seem to think about what he's saying. He could be overbearing and clingy and maybe just a little bit more like Murdoc than Murdoc would care to admit. He can't easily recall hating the other man, but he did. He hated the reactions he could get from him and really, he hates it now. He doesn't want to admit it, but Dirk has him by the collar as far as feelings go. He is a source of immense frustration for Murdoc that is, in the end, entirely worth it for the rush he gets from being close to him. He's had a few partners over the span of his lifetime, but he's never felt as mutually wanted and accepted with any of them like he has with Dirk. That alone was a precious feeling, something he would be a fool to throw away. He can feel his heart ache just thinking of Dirk, let alone thinking of losing him. He can feel himself falling and it's embarrassing as it is absolutely amazing. Hell. He's already fucking fallen. He fell flat on his fucking face. He needs to pick himself up and be the kind of person Dirk deserves.
That's why he's at Dirk's door tonight. That's why he's knocking. That's why knocking is taking too long and he's barging in anyway. Locks are of no consequence to an auror. Maybe it's invasive to barge into the other man's room, but can he really turn him away when he's giving him the most utterly pathetic yet equally adoring look he's ever given anyone? No, no you can't. He's going to speak before Dirk can anyway.
"I am an absolute moron and the most remarkably stupid man to ever make your acquaintance." He's just going to let that hang in the air for a moment before he continues. "I was wrong."
no subject
He hums, pressing a kiss back on Dirk's cheek and nestling up against him as best he can. He really doesn't want to be seperated from him right now, so if the couch is as close he can get he'll take it.
"Alright." He presses a kiss to his neck. "I'll be here, then."
no subject
Except the problem? It's an hour and a half or so later of Bro laying in bed, unable to sleep. Now that he's made up with Murdoc, the bed feels emptier than it has in a long, long time. Knowing Murdoc is just a few feet away in the other room on the couch just makes it even more difficult to deal with. He figures maybe Murdoc has suffered enough. He knows he himself has, at least. So... He finally just decides to get up, making his way out of his room. Whether or not Murdoc is asleep yet or not, Bro is going to slide onto the couch with him despite the limited space, and press close to him.
no subject
He's a light sleeper but Bro is pretty damn light on his feet. He's having a brief moment of sleep as the other man approaches, and he continues to pretend as if he is up until Bro presses against him. He lets out a soft huff of a laugh, scooching backward and pulling Bro up onto him so they're both more comfortable. Other than that, he doesn't call him out on it or bring attention to it, he just buries his face against his neck and lets out a content sigh.
"I love you so much." He grumbles in a soft voice before slowly letting the warm, content feeling ease him into a much better sleep.
no subject
"I know," he whispers back, bringing a hand up so he can run it across his cheek slowly, before letting it fall back down. He's quiet after that, allowing Murdoc to fall asleep. It's only when he's absolutely sure that Murdoc is asleep that he speaks. "I love you too, asshole." It just kind of comes out, but he can't find it in him to really care. Murdoc is asleep, and he doesn't have to worry about him hearing. It's the truth and he can't deny it, either. Why else would it all have hurt so much, if it weren't?
But saying it to him when he's conscious is a whole different thing than saying it to him while he's sleeping. He isn't quite sure when he'll be able to do that, but at least this is a start. And with that, he allows himself to drift off to sleep too, almost feeling like a weight's been lifted off his chest.