Murdoc notes the tension. It's a little painful to watch, especially considering the fact that all Murdoc wants to do is step forward and throw his arms arond Dirk. He's missed having him around so badly. He'd gotten so used to being lonely that adjusting to Dirk had hurt even more when he didn't have him anymore. He misses the way he feels and smells and the comforting sort of warmth his body provides. It's the little things that Murdoc feels himself noticing the lack of in the long run.
He can understand the fact that Dirk would want to shy away from him. He's been an insufferable ass and entirely unpleasant to be around. Who would want to be touched by someone who doesn't respect them? It's a horribly undignified feeling, Murdoc is begining to understand more and more why Dirk is so angry with him.
He refrains from touching him for the moment, but his voice takes on a softer tone. It's less desperate and urgent and more comforting. He gives Dirk a small smile, because he can only be utterly amused at the tricks he pulled on himself to try and sabotage his own happiness. It was horrible and shattering and he hates himself for it, but it's damn hard not to smile a little when he talks about how he feels about Dirk.
"It was never important, love. I was lyin' to myself. I would never have lied to you if I knew..It really didn't matter. All my life I've been taught that I was absolutely superior and that anyone with less than pureblood isn't worth my time. I've gone nearly forty years thinkin' that was true like a damn idiot and nobody has ever made me feel any different."
He reaches for Dirk's hand as he notes how emotional the other man is getting. It's hard to keep his own cool, but he hasn't cried in years. He doesn't know if he knows how to anymore. He's much better at bottling it up and letting it out by being miserable. The corner of his lip twitches upward, and he continues.
"Nobody but you. You make me feel like bein' equal is bein' better if it means I'm on the same level as you." He chews his lip for a moment, worrying about the wording. "You're better than me where it counts."
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He can understand the fact that Dirk would want to shy away from him. He's been an insufferable ass and entirely unpleasant to be around. Who would want to be touched by someone who doesn't respect them? It's a horribly undignified feeling, Murdoc is begining to understand more and more why Dirk is so angry with him.
He refrains from touching him for the moment, but his voice takes on a softer tone. It's less desperate and urgent and more comforting. He gives Dirk a small smile, because he can only be utterly amused at the tricks he pulled on himself to try and sabotage his own happiness. It was horrible and shattering and he hates himself for it, but it's damn hard not to smile a little when he talks about how he feels about Dirk.
"It was never important, love. I was lyin' to myself. I would never have lied to you if I knew..It really didn't matter. All my life I've been taught that I was absolutely superior and that anyone with less than pureblood isn't worth my time. I've gone nearly forty years thinkin' that was true like a damn idiot and nobody has ever made me feel any different."
He reaches for Dirk's hand as he notes how emotional the other man is getting. It's hard to keep his own cool, but he hasn't cried in years. He doesn't know if he knows how to anymore. He's much better at bottling it up and letting it out by being miserable. The corner of his lip twitches upward, and he continues.
"Nobody but you. You make me feel like bein' equal is bein' better if it means I'm on the same level as you." He chews his lip for a moment, worrying about the wording. "You're better than me where it counts."