When Murdoc begins speaking, his heart starts hammering harder than it has in a while, because he's scared. He's scared that Murdoc will just make it worse by saying something stupid, and after letting his guard down enough to say what he'd said, he isn't sure if he can handle it. If Murdoc screws this up then that's it. It's over, because he can't fucking keep holding onto the hope that Murdoc will get it. Either he gets it now, or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, then it's going to hurt like a bitch. Because then the anger will have disappeared and he'll be left with nothing but the hurt to deal with.
But then Murdoc keeps going, and instead of saying things that make it worse, he's actually saying things that show he has realized where he's wrong. And he sounds sincere. And when he reaches for Bro's hand, Bro lets him because he doesn't have it in him now to push him away. He's missed Murdoc so fucking much, and the simple act of holding his hand is enough to make him realize that and bring it out full force. But even despite that, Bro can't help but feel guarded. Like he's scared to accept it. Because what if he does, and then it turns out that Murdoc is still the way he is?
At the same time though, a part of him gets it. As much as it's hurt and made him angry, can he really fault Murdoc for being so set in his ways when he's never had the opportunity to be any different? It's obvious that he's trying. It's not just going to go away over night, and Bro realizes that. And... if he really cares for Murdoc, if he really wants this to work... he can be patient. He can actually help him put aside his prejudices. Does it hurt? Yes. But he realizes it's something ingrained in Murdoc and that, as much as it's hurt, he can't really help that he thought that way at the time. And despite all the hurt, he realizes that Murdoc is worth the risk of getting hurt more. Because he fucking missed him. Not having him was like not having a part of himself, as cliche as that is.
He squeezes Murdoc's hand after a few long moments of silence, staring down at their hands. "Thank you," he finally murmurs, not really able to look Murdoc in the face right now. "You have a hell of a lot more to apologize for than I do, but..." He forces himself to look at him then, but he can't bring himself to take his shades off. He's not ready for that just yet. Not now. "But I'm sorry, too. For holding it against you so hard. I'm not saying it's fucking alright. But it's how you were raised, and you couldn't help it."
Stepping closer, he brings up Murdoc's hand and presses his lips to it. "I forgive you... But only if you promise you'll work on getting over it. Changing the shit you were taught. Not just me, but... in general. You promise?"
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But then Murdoc keeps going, and instead of saying things that make it worse, he's actually saying things that show he has realized where he's wrong. And he sounds sincere. And when he reaches for Bro's hand, Bro lets him because he doesn't have it in him now to push him away. He's missed Murdoc so fucking much, and the simple act of holding his hand is enough to make him realize that and bring it out full force. But even despite that, Bro can't help but feel guarded. Like he's scared to accept it. Because what if he does, and then it turns out that Murdoc is still the way he is?
At the same time though, a part of him gets it. As much as it's hurt and made him angry, can he really fault Murdoc for being so set in his ways when he's never had the opportunity to be any different? It's obvious that he's trying. It's not just going to go away over night, and Bro realizes that. And... if he really cares for Murdoc, if he really wants this to work... he can be patient. He can actually help him put aside his prejudices. Does it hurt? Yes. But he realizes it's something ingrained in Murdoc and that, as much as it's hurt, he can't really help that he thought that way at the time. And despite all the hurt, he realizes that Murdoc is worth the risk of getting hurt more. Because he fucking missed him. Not having him was like not having a part of himself, as cliche as that is.
He squeezes Murdoc's hand after a few long moments of silence, staring down at their hands. "Thank you," he finally murmurs, not really able to look Murdoc in the face right now. "You have a hell of a lot more to apologize for than I do, but..." He forces himself to look at him then, but he can't bring himself to take his shades off. He's not ready for that just yet. Not now. "But I'm sorry, too. For holding it against you so hard. I'm not saying it's fucking alright. But it's how you were raised, and you couldn't help it."
Stepping closer, he brings up Murdoc's hand and presses his lips to it. "I forgive you... But only if you promise you'll work on getting over it. Changing the shit you were taught. Not just me, but... in general. You promise?"