This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

[clockspinner]

WHO: Dave and Tavros, eventually open to all
TONE: lmao what the fffuuu--
RATING: PG-13. They'll probably start swearing.
WHEN: 05-03-12, 1705
WHERE: The Great Hall
WHAT: Gamzee made a shitty jab at Dave. Dave made a shitty jab back, and was promptly dogpiled by Karkat and Tavros. He proceeded to steer the conversations with genitalia, until Tavros grew a pair of stone-cold bollocks and challenged him to throw down sick rhymes. Dave upped the ante and called the battle in front of the entire school, at dinner. Tavros agreed to the terms.

In a peripherally-relevant thread, Dave proceeded to tell Gamzee about the rap battle (kinda), and demonstrate that he has no sense of self-preservation. Luckily, Tavros told Gamzee what was really going on.

tl;dr: Tavros challenged Dave for a rap battle for Gamzee's honor in front of the entire school. This log is open, but if you want to reply please wait until the actual rapping's done.
STATUS: ongoing

_{[As soon as the evening's announcements are over and the food has appeared on the table, Dave stands up and withdraws his wand from his robes, pointing it at his throat.]}

Sonorus.

_{[He clears his throat and nods as it echoes through the curiously silent Great Hall.]}

Yo Hogwarts, sit tight 'cause you're getting dinner and a show tonight.

_{[He looks over at Tavros, behind his shades.]}

This tool decided to challenge the rhyme king to a little duel, so we're gonna have ourselves a battle of sick rhymes. This is between me and hot wheels, so everyone else just sit back and enjoy the show, got it?

Since I'm feeling pretty goddamn magnanimous, I'll even let you start us off.

Comments

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Tavros can't help going rigid when Dave stands up. He knew it was coming, he had been trying to prepare mentall for it, but the fact of the matter is getting up in front of the entire school was... not anything he had ever done before. But then his eyes wandered over to Gamzee and seeing him sitting there was encouraging and he knew he had to do this for his best bro. Gamzee had been there for him for pretty much ever and he was going to be there for him this time!

So with that in mind, he wheels away from the table and goes a bit closer to Dave, trying not to visibly shake. He pulls out his wand, letting out a little 'ahem' before putting it to his throat and murmuring 'Sonorus'. Once the spell is in effect, Tavros takes in a deep breath.]

So, uh, I guess since Dave's too scared to make the first move, uh... here I go. And I, uh, hope you enjoy the show. Because he's gonna, um, need one of these platters for when he, uh, gets served.

[He takes another breath and then proceeds.]

So you walk around the, uh, castle with your cool guy stride,
on your legs that work, hating and insulting,
and all I can, uh, think is you wish you had this sweetass ride.
Also that you're a bit of a jerk.
And, uh, you can have my ride because I didn't want it in the first place.
One of the reasons being that, uh, it's clunky and takes up a lot space.

But, uh, that's not to say I want you to get paralyzed, because even I, uh, have standards. I'm also, um, getting off of the point here! Because this isn't about me, it's about Gamzee.

Coming, uh, at him with assumptions,
when you don't have the gumption, to say it to his face.
So it's my job to, uh, bring the humiliation,
with this compilation of why you are, uh, a bad person.
I could, uh, think of a few more, but I've gone on long enough and it's your turn,
even though either way you're going to come in last place.

[clockspinner]

_{[Dave puts his hand up over his ear like he's holding an imaginary headphone to his head.]}

You see this badge? Yeah I'm a straight up lion,
and by the time I'm done with you, son, you're gonna be cryin'
You think I'm scared to talk shit in front of your bro?
Man, it ain't my fault he's developmentally slow
I give you props, though,
it takes some serious balls
to try and get a Strider with his back to the wall
I'll run circles around you, man you don't even know
whoops, I forgot, you got nowhere to go

The point is I've been rapping since I came out the womb
so listen up, hot wheels, consider this your classroom
You got a lesson in rhyme with Professor D-Stride
look out, check yourself, 'cause we're about to collide
I thought you'd be too scared to even give this a try
Your dedication to the cause brings a tear to my eye
They call you a honey badger cause you don't give a shit,
but when you run with the big cats, be prepared to get bit.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

Well uh, if you're the lion then I'm the tamer,
And it's my job to make sure you don't get any lamer.
But you better, uh, watch out because the ringmaster's watching,
and uh, preparing you for a squashing.
You're in his circus now, it's a tent of stone,
(I mean Hogwarts)
And you can't get out until you're fully grown,
so, uh, beware and watch your back,
because his homie, who is me, won't put up with your smack.

You call my wheels hot,
like you're, uh, some kinda bigshot.
And I'm like, they're kinda cold,
if I may be so bold (to point out, Professor).
You can't give me detention, uh, because I demand to see your papers,
The ones stating your qualifications for the job,
otherwise you're just another average bob... (Uhhh, I know that isn't the correct, um, saying but ignore that.)
So, uh, you might wanna get back in the womb,
because things might go out, uh, with a boom.

[clockspinner]

Yo what the fuck? Man this shit's getting hot,
so c'mon little toro let me see what you got
You think this is a circus? Nah man, it's a freakshow
so sit back and relax 'cause I'm about to blow
I'm bringing the pain, it's Strider's reign,
and everything the light touches here is my domain
Are you kidding me? This is a total joke!
So why don't you just go back to your Pok-
-emon and come back when you're ready to have some fun

This is too easy, now let me see
kick it into challenge mode in one, two, three

_{[He picks up the tempo a bit, but mostly he's just challenging himself to do an entire verse that all carries the same rhyme]}

This ain't some kiddy's game, man I'm playing for real
You want in chucklefuck's pants? That's your deal.
I mean personally I just don't see the appeal
but even Dumb and Dumber need to cop a feel.
Still you asked to get served, and now here's your last meal
It's a dish served so hot, I'll burn you up in my zeal
and that's the worst kind of pain that takes forever to heal
but man that's what you get when you ask for my steel.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Dave's sudden speed up caused Tavros' eyes to go wider. As hard as he tried not to, the fact of the matter was, he was letting it intimidate him. And so when it was finally his turn again, he was not quite as confident as he was previously.]

You say that a lot lately and, uh, I keep telling you we're just Bros,
the, uh, fact that you think there's anything more going on just shows,
uh, that you haven't been paying enough attention lately,
so get your eyes checked and, uh, butt out, it would be appreciated greatly.
I also don't, um, remember asking for your steel, but I'll be Peter and you can be Hook,
here's how it'll, uh, go, I'll say 'hey look!'
and when you're, um, distracted I'll cut off your hand and toss it to the crock,
I'll move so fast that you, uh, won't even be able to block!
Watch out, Peter's got this and he ain't takin' no more of your dis!

[It's shorter than any of the previous ones, Tavros knows as much; but as nervous as he was going into it, thinking of Peter Pan was enough to make him feel a bit better and despite the fact it was short, he ended off sounding better than when he'd started.]

[dittany]

[Dave? Prepare to find yourself with one fifth year looking incredibly pissed standing in front of you.

She also has way too much hair.]

Oh, that was nice.

[clockspinner]

<sub>[Just because Dave has to tilt his head to look at her doesn't mean he's at all intimidated.]

[He cancels his Sonorus charm, taking his time to actually acknowledge that Rapunzel's there.]</sub>

He asked for it, he accepted the terms.

[dittany]

Look, I don't know how you guys do this, but I would think this sort of contest is about musical skill, not who can make the lowest blow.

The fact that you jumped into that really makes me question your rapping "skills", not to mention your morals.

Frankly, you're kind of acting like a snot-nosed brat.

[clockspinner]

Frankly, you're kind of acting like a know-it-all.

It's called a battle for a reason. He wanted to throw down, we threw down, that's all there is to it.

[dittany]

Really? Know-it-all was the best you could come up with after all that?

I don't care what it's called or why it's called that. You hit so far below the belt, it's pathetic.

[stagefrightened]

[Ally will be sitting there, staring at where Tavros was. She brought her notebook; rap isn't really her thing but she figured inspiration might strike.

Now she just feels bad for that poor kid, though.]

[selfhatred]

[Karkat had been sitting at Gryffindor table attempting to block his ears from the horrible sounds of the rap battle. He had to put up with it almost daily in the 3rd year boy's dorm, why should he have to put up with it in the Great Hall.

And then Dave took the low blow.

Karkat saw red. Even he knew about Tavros's adoration for Peter Pan and though he thought it was childish, he understood the need for something or someone to cling to. He stood from his seat with his hands on the table, looking like he was going to launch himself at his dormmate.

Which happened. For someone as short as Karkat it took him little time to leap the length of Gryffindor table and over to the other side where Dave was, taking hold of him by the scruff of his robes and hitting him with all the strength he could muster in his free hand.]

YOU. FUCKING. ASSHOLE.

[clockspinner]

<sub>[Dave had just started walking back to the Gryffindor table, when there was suddenly an angry ball of Karkat launching himself over the table and punching Dave.]

[He raised his arms up to block the hit, faster than Vantas' eyes could probably see, and was glad he had the second to react because the force behind that would have broken his shades like ice.]</sub>

What the fuck, Vantas?

[selfhatred]

[Karkat wasn't a very physical person, but when he did get angry enough there was guarantee tables were going to be flipped. When Dave went to block the first one, Karkat reversed it and went straight for his gut. He knew Dave would want to protect his precious shades, and amazingly enough he was thinking rationally enough to realize that.]

[selfmakeout]

[OKAY WOW, Jade had been watching the whole thing with amusement but when sorta!boyfriend decided to get up and try to beat up best friend #3, she had to jump in.]

Oh my god, Karkat, knock it off! What the fuck is wrong with you??!

[fuckmackandme]

[John had been watching the whole thing with excitement and rooting for his friend Dave... But then Tavros face kinda ruined it, and Karkat exploding like that just added a whole new layer of "Oh shit" to it.

He followed Jade to the scene.]

Guys, guys. Come on, stop it!

[clockspinner]

<sub>[Yep, Dave takes that one. Right in the solar plexus. He wasn't experienced with dirty hand-to-hand fighting at all. Even when his Bro only used Cal to fight him, he still used a sword.]

[Tears come to his eyes as all of the breath rushes out of him at the sudden hit to his diaphragm, and he doubles forward as much as he can still, stupidly, using one arm to protect his shades face.]</sub>

[allsweetheart]

[AJ had been a bit surprised when Tavros had taken the step up, but she was nonetheless proud of him for doing so well, even if she didn't have a particular taste for rap (hey, country music was awesome, okay?). But when the other boy dealt the last blow, she immediately saw Tavros's face fall.

Applejack dropped what she was doing as Tavros wheeled out of the Great Hall, rolling the sleeves of her robes up and stalking over to Dave.]

Just whut in tarnation do y'all think yer doing, y' li'l jackass?

[clockspinner]

<sub>[Dave had seen the look that crossed Tavros' face. The look that told Dave clearly 'you done fucked up' in a voice that sounded suspiciously like his Bro and also very disappointed in him.]

[He was just looking at Tavros' fallen wand and considering leaving to return it to him, when there's yet another angry blonde marching up to him.]

[Oh, right, it's the one who also has a Southern twang.]</sub>

At the risk of sounding like Charlie Sheen, winning.

Also going back to my table to get my chow on.

[allsweetheart]

[It's not very often Applejack gets angry, but when she does it's for a good cause. Tavros was like a little brother to her, and to see him so hurt set off her protective urges. Her wand was out, dangerously close to Dave's chin.]

Oh no, y'all ain't gonna be gettin' yer chow on. Y'all are gonna go an' apologize right now, mister, or so help me Ah'm gonna truss ya up like a turkey and make you apologize.

[clockspinner]

<sub>[You can't see it, but Dave is rolling his eyes.]

[Also, hi, his wand is at her chin right back. He's not quite as unruffled as he'd like to be, considering he's still a little winded from Karkat's punch, but whatever.]</sub>

Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I'm the last person he wants to see right now. I'll write him a message on the journals or something.

C'mon, Xion, let's go looking for Tavros!

[cuddlefishpeixes]

<sub>[Feferi would have marched straight up to Strider and given him a piece of her mind, but then she saw the two older Hufflepuffs to get up to do so.]

[And Tavros' wand was still just lying there on the floor.]

[So she went over to it and picked it up, worrying her lip with her teeth and staring at the door, debating going looking for Tavros now versus giving him his wand (and of course hugs) later.]</sub>

[faintwaves]

[And rather like a ghost, Xion comes up to Feferi's side, looking around worriedly as though Tavros would reappear harmed somehow.]

Um...I think we should look for him. We'd have a better chance of finding him together, don't you think?

[cuddlefishpeixes]

_{[Feferi starts a little when the 4th-year appears next to her, but then she smiles (albeit sadly).]}

Sure! And we're less likely to get lost ourselves.

...I really hope he's okay...

[faintwaves]

I know a lot of hiding places...and I'm good at finding things. I won't let you get lost.

I hope he is, too...