This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

[clockspinner]

WHO: Dave and Tavros, eventually open to all
TONE: lmao what the fffuuu--
RATING: PG-13. They'll probably start swearing.
WHEN: 05-03-12, 1705
WHERE: The Great Hall
WHAT: Gamzee made a shitty jab at Dave. Dave made a shitty jab back, and was promptly dogpiled by Karkat and Tavros. He proceeded to steer the conversations with genitalia, until Tavros grew a pair of stone-cold bollocks and challenged him to throw down sick rhymes. Dave upped the ante and called the battle in front of the entire school, at dinner. Tavros agreed to the terms.

In a peripherally-relevant thread, Dave proceeded to tell Gamzee about the rap battle (kinda), and demonstrate that he has no sense of self-preservation. Luckily, Tavros told Gamzee what was really going on.

tl;dr: Tavros challenged Dave for a rap battle for Gamzee's honor in front of the entire school. This log is open, but if you want to reply please wait until the actual rapping's done.
STATUS: ongoing

_{[As soon as the evening's announcements are over and the food has appeared on the table, Dave stands up and withdraws his wand from his robes, pointing it at his throat.]}

Sonorus.

_{[He clears his throat and nods as it echoes through the curiously silent Great Hall.]}

Yo Hogwarts, sit tight 'cause you're getting dinner and a show tonight.

_{[He looks over at Tavros, behind his shades.]}

This tool decided to challenge the rhyme king to a little duel, so we're gonna have ourselves a battle of sick rhymes. This is between me and hot wheels, so everyone else just sit back and enjoy the show, got it?

Since I'm feeling pretty goddamn magnanimous, I'll even let you start us off.

Comments

[clockspinner]

_{[Dave puts his hand up over his ear like he's holding an imaginary headphone to his head.]}

You see this badge? Yeah I'm a straight up lion,
and by the time I'm done with you, son, you're gonna be cryin'
You think I'm scared to talk shit in front of your bro?
Man, it ain't my fault he's developmentally slow
I give you props, though,
it takes some serious balls
to try and get a Strider with his back to the wall
I'll run circles around you, man you don't even know
whoops, I forgot, you got nowhere to go

The point is I've been rapping since I came out the womb
so listen up, hot wheels, consider this your classroom
You got a lesson in rhyme with Professor D-Stride
look out, check yourself, 'cause we're about to collide
I thought you'd be too scared to even give this a try
Your dedication to the cause brings a tear to my eye
They call you a honey badger cause you don't give a shit,
but when you run with the big cats, be prepared to get bit.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

Well uh, if you're the lion then I'm the tamer,
And it's my job to make sure you don't get any lamer.
But you better, uh, watch out because the ringmaster's watching,
and uh, preparing you for a squashing.
You're in his circus now, it's a tent of stone,
(I mean Hogwarts)
And you can't get out until you're fully grown,
so, uh, beware and watch your back,
because his homie, who is me, won't put up with your smack.

You call my wheels hot,
like you're, uh, some kinda bigshot.
And I'm like, they're kinda cold,
if I may be so bold (to point out, Professor).
You can't give me detention, uh, because I demand to see your papers,
The ones stating your qualifications for the job,
otherwise you're just another average bob... (Uhhh, I know that isn't the correct, um, saying but ignore that.)
So, uh, you might wanna get back in the womb,
because things might go out, uh, with a boom.

[clockspinner]

Yo what the fuck? Man this shit's getting hot,
so c'mon little toro let me see what you got
You think this is a circus? Nah man, it's a freakshow
so sit back and relax 'cause I'm about to blow
I'm bringing the pain, it's Strider's reign,
and everything the light touches here is my domain
Are you kidding me? This is a total joke!
So why don't you just go back to your Pok-
-emon and come back when you're ready to have some fun

This is too easy, now let me see
kick it into challenge mode in one, two, three

_{[He picks up the tempo a bit, but mostly he's just challenging himself to do an entire verse that all carries the same rhyme]}

This ain't some kiddy's game, man I'm playing for real
You want in chucklefuck's pants? That's your deal.
I mean personally I just don't see the appeal
but even Dumb and Dumber need to cop a feel.
Still you asked to get served, and now here's your last meal
It's a dish served so hot, I'll burn you up in my zeal
and that's the worst kind of pain that takes forever to heal
but man that's what you get when you ask for my steel.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Dave's sudden speed up caused Tavros' eyes to go wider. As hard as he tried not to, the fact of the matter was, he was letting it intimidate him. And so when it was finally his turn again, he was not quite as confident as he was previously.]

You say that a lot lately and, uh, I keep telling you we're just Bros,
the, uh, fact that you think there's anything more going on just shows,
uh, that you haven't been paying enough attention lately,
so get your eyes checked and, uh, butt out, it would be appreciated greatly.
I also don't, um, remember asking for your steel, but I'll be Peter and you can be Hook,
here's how it'll, uh, go, I'll say 'hey look!'
and when you're, um, distracted I'll cut off your hand and toss it to the crock,
I'll move so fast that you, uh, won't even be able to block!
Watch out, Peter's got this and he ain't takin' no more of your dis!

[It's shorter than any of the previous ones, Tavros knows as much; but as nervous as he was going into it, thinking of Peter Pan was enough to make him feel a bit better and despite the fact it was short, he ended off sounding better than when he'd started.]

/sob

[clockspinner]

_{[Dave's losing his patience with this shit. For one, he's hungry, and for two, this chump doesn't know when to quit.]}

Is that all you got? C'mon man, that's it?
You're just a soft little rookie who don't know when to quit.
The rhyme doctor is in, let's go for a spin,
'Cause I'm Dave Strider and I'm about to win.

<sub>[Here, he actually pauses, clears his throat, closes his eyes (behind his shades), takes a deep breath, and just in general looks like he's preparing for something big.]

[That something big being a rap so fast it's like his tongue is possessed by a tarantallegra spell.]</sub>

You really wanna be Peter? Then I'll be your Hook, though I gotta tell you bro, that's the shittiest book. You're a nothin' fuckin' lookin' for a chance to get whipped, so here's some candy little boy get on my pirate ship. I didn't want to do this but you left me no choice, see I was gonna take it easy but I've heard the peoples' voice. Stop embarrassing yourself, you're only gonna make it worse, 'cause I'm the nail in your coffin so get ready for the hearse. Peter Pan's about to get Peter Panned, I'm like Luke Skywalker once you've cut off my hand. I'll come back in the sequel see you in thirty years, lurkin' in the darkness just to prey on your fears. Man you ain't the Pan, you're just some no-life chump, and all the fairy dust in the world couldn't help you even jump.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Tavros froze and his mouth went dry. The last few words of Dave's rap were like a physical punch in the gut and what followed was a kind of sinking, heavy sadness that creeped over him and made his limbs- the ones he could feel- heavy. His wand fell from his hand and clattered to the floor where it rolled away.]

Oh...

[It was quiet, but it was the single most dejected sound Tavros had made in a long time. Dave's words had essentially reached in and stabbed one of the only optimistic, happy things Tavros had. And then rubbed salt into it. And lit it on sick fire. The words made him feel stupid and just maybe just a bit (or a lot) worthless. Dave was right...he wasn't Peter Pan. He never would be.

Tavros's arms fell down to the sides of his wheelchair and he gripped the wheels. He didn't murmur a single word as he turned and wheeled slowly out of the great hall. He didn't even cry.

Not until he was sure he was absolutely alone.]

[mo_cara]

[Unlike the apparent entire rest of the Great Hall, Gamzee didn't stop to berate Dave. It had been a battle. He hated Dave, and hated to see his bro upset, but that was how that shit went. You couldn't call someone out on winning, that just wasn't how it went. Besides, up until that bit at the end, he'd thought Tavros had been kicking some ass - his rhymes were complicated! And unique in a way he thought Dave's never would be.

So when the little knot of people converged on Strider, he slipped out of the hall and followed behind Tavros, though he was far enough back that he probably wouldn't be noticed until he walked in to wherever Tavros was holed up.]

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Tavros had not been in the right state of mind to find a particularly obscure hiding place. Under normal circumstances he may have been a good Hufflepuff, found the best hiding place. But these were not normal circumstances. And without his wand, he realizes he couldn't get up the staircase.

So he picked a broom closet on the ground floor. It didn't have a lock on the inside so he couldn't lock himself in like he wanted, but he could definitely sit in the dark and cry.

He'd managed not to in front of everyone because he knew that would only embarrass himself more. How he managed it, there was no telling because he felt absolutely beyond terrible. But he also knew it was his own fault...He knew it was a rap battle, that it was all fair. But it didn't stop it from hurting any less. It didn't stop it from crushing his spirit.

He let out a groan and pounded on his stupid, useless legs. Because Dave was right, not even pixie dust would be enough. Nothing would ever fix them, he would never be like Peter Pan. He would always just be Tavros. Just Tavros, who couldn't even stick up for his best friend, let alone live up to Peter Pan's expectations.]

[mo_cara]

[Said best friend who was opening the door to the broom closet right now, just a tall, lanky shape topped with a head of wild hair, silhouetted in the light from the hall.]

Bro?

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[If he had been upset about any other thing, Tavros would have been relieved, comforted to hear Gamzee's voice. But given the circumstances, it only made him feel worse. He wiped frantically at his eyes, trying to wipe away tears that were still coming.]

I-I'm sorry...

[mo_cara]

Sorry? [Gamzee sounded surprised, as he tried to squeeze into the broom closet with Tavros, wedging his sparse frame into the small space.] What for?

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

F-for being a huge, failure and... a bad fr-friend.

[mo_cara]

Failure? What the fuck you talking about, motherfucker? [Gamzee asked in surprise, leaning over Tavros's chair and resting his hand on one of the arms, getting right up in the other boy's personal space.] Yeah, maybe that asshat won, but damn, you represented! Laying down those sweet rhymes - you were the best snow white knight a motherfucker could ask for!

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Tavros just shakes his head. He doesn't even move when Gamzee gets closer, he's too upset to really feel uncomfortable.] I-I gave up. You...you wouldn't have, g-given up! And h-he's right...E-everything he said, is true...

[mo_cara]

Bullshit. [Gamzee's voice goes soft, that almost eerie voice that only comes out when he's really serious about something.] Bull-motherfucking-shit.

[He reaches out, rests his fingers lightly under the other boy's chin.] He said your book was shit, and that ain't fuckin' true, it's fuckin' miracles, don't you motherfuckin' buy into his lies. And he said you couldn't be Pan, and I know that is 100% motherfuckin' wrong for a fact.