sortinghat_logs | Whatcha doin'?

Entry tags:

Whatcha doin'?

WHO: Murdoc Donoghue and Bro Strider
TONE: Strained, Awkward. Trouble in paradise.
RATING: R for possible mentions of sexy things?
WHEN: Sometime after New years.
WHERE: Greece, Murdoc Manor.
WHAT: Bro visits Murdoc for the Holidays and things turn sour when blood prejudices are brought up.

With the way things are going, Murdoc is pretty damn casual around Dirk now. He doesn't feel obligated to put on airs or even tidy up or dress up for him. It's nice to feel so relaxed around someone, he'd almost forgotten what it was like. Naturally, just because he's under no obligation does not mean Murdoc was going to have his house anything less than flawless on Dirk's arrival. It had been cleaned top to bottom and of course, it didn't matter one bit. Having Dirk in his house seemed so strange, he seemed so out of place in a home that's clearly been lived in by purebloods since it was built.

He didn't feel like it mattered, though. Really, he's just happy Dirk is here at all. Maybe it's because they're at the fiddly point in the relationship where being around each other is important. Or maybe, and this is far more likely, they're both so horribly clingy that a single week feels more like several painful months. Yes, that's more likely. Though neither of them would ever admit it.

It's been a pleasant time already and he feels like maybe, they're both finally adjusting to this. He certainly isn't ready to commit to moving in with the other man, but having him in his house didn't seem like such an unnatural change. Particularly when they're both sprawled on the couch together relaxing by the fire, honestly it's a feeling Murdoc had only read about before. It seems strange to think it, but he's sure he's never felt this comfortable before.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The initial response that comes to mind is actually an agreement, for once. Only he's agreeing that he's acting like he's better because, well, he is. Isn't he? Purebloods are descended from magic, in a society built on it it's only natural that they'd have the upperhand on those with non-magical backgrounds. It's only natural that there would be inferior and superior people within society, and Murdoc thinks it's fairly generous of him to have looked beyond that to date Dirk.

Not that he'd ever actually sat down and thought about it like that, because he'd never considered going so far as to marry Dirk. He's been married once, his mother acted like his wife dying was a failure on his part, he had no intention of going through it again.

"No. I hadn't forgotten. You make it so damn obvious, I.." He trails off, dropping his hands to clench his fists and frown as Dirk turns away from him. He doesn't know how to finish that sentence. He doesn't know what the end of it actually is.

He doesn't finish the sentence, he just meets Dirk's shades with his own eyes, getting annoyed that he's only looking at his reflection.

"Was that really necessary?"

Of course he makes it obvious, he wants to snap, but he keeps that part in. It takes effort, but he doesn't want to just escalate this further. He just... of course he does! He's a fucking muggleborn who up until a few months ago was surrounded completely and totally with nothing but Muggle things. And even before that, he'd never completely immersed himself in Wizarding culture- aside from languages, that is.

"Yeah, it was necessary," he says in response to Murdoc's question. He's retreating behind his wall where Murdoc can't see what he's feeling. He hates having his emotions readable in situations like this. Hell, up until Murdoc came along he'd hated having his emotions readable period. This whole thing is just really getting to him, he can't help but feel slightly betrayed that Murdoc is putting down everything he's into simply because it's Muggle related.

He also can't help but feel there's something there that Murdoc didn't say. Like there's more to it, and Bro honestly at this point cannot let it go. "Do you think you're better than me?" he adds after a few seconds, and he finds himself dreading the answer as much as the thought pisses him off.

At that, Murdoc feels hurt. He doesn't seem aware that he has no right to be hurt by Dirk's need to hide his eyes. He doesn't feel as if he's done anything terrible wrong. There's nothing wrong with stating his opinions and feelings in regards to muggle technology and customs, if Dirk is allowed to like it he has just as much right to dislike it.

"I fail to see why.." He trails off with a grumble. It's not as if he's threatening the other man. He doesn't think it's fair that he needs to bare all of his feelings when Dirk gets to hide. This really isn't fair at all.

His mouth twitches as his hesitation to speak is called out. His mind is racing to find technicalities and detailed explanations of why he IS better and that it's okay. However, even he can see that Dirk wouldn't be entirely comfortable with that answer. Hell, he knows he'd be pissed.

"I wouldn't say better than so much as superior to."

That sort of tumbles out. He lets it hang there for a moment before he fumbles to justify himself. He sputters a little, rubbing his neck with his hand awkwardly before continuing in a softer tone. "Despite the differences in our rank, I've found myself bein' hopelessly in love with you regardless of your inferiority."

Edited 2013-01-03 12:19 (UTC)

Bro just grunts in response to the first comment, not even bothering to answer it at all. In his mind, Murdoc should get why. He hasn't exactly hidden the fact of how vulnerable he tends to feel without his shades, and here he's suddenly thrust into a situation where he's never felt more vulnerable. It's also been a long time since he's felt this angry and hurt and hell if he's going to let Murdoc see him for how he really feels now of all times. Maybe it's selfish of him, in a way. Letting Murdoc see the good, but hiding when it comes to the bad.

But he can't really be faulted for being upset and not wanting his emotions to be seen now of all times. Not when Murdoc is just being so fucking unreasonable.

And speaking of unreasonable, when Murdoc speaks it feels like a physical punch in the gut. He saw it coming, honestly. With the way this was going, it seemed like the obvious answer. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make him any less angry, because holy shit, is this really what he's hearing? Is this really a thing that's happening right now?

When Murdoc continues, it definitely solidifies that it's a thing and his mouth falls open when Murdoc says that. And any happy feeling that he might've felt isn't there, fury where joy should be. He can't fucking believe that this is how Murdoc is choosing to say that. That fucking word. It's enough to make him want to cry and at the same time punch something. This whole thing is just making him feel like everything has been nothing but a lie. Has Murdoc really considered himself superior this entire fucking time? He just. can't believe it at all.

"Thank you," he says, his voice quivering, whether from rage or some other emotion isn't clear, "for the shittiest confession of love I've ever heard, and for making it downright fucking impossible to even believe it." He just shakes his head and moves, pushing past Murdoc so that he can start heading towards the bedroom where his bags are. "I can't even fucking begin to believe this." He doesn't even know what to say right now. He wants to say more, he wants to fucking argue, but he just... Right now the desire to get out is bigger than the one to argue.

By this point we've already realised that Murdoc is both incredibly dense and so painfully self centered, so it's no surprise that the man is utterly confused by Dirk's reaction. He finally admitted that he loves him. He's felt it coming on for a while, but it felt far too soon to admit it.

He wanted to be romantic and he wanted to declare it in some sort of wild gesture, but now he's just horrified over the idea of losing Dirk. It needed to be said, and he had hoped maybe it would clarify things more. Somehow, it seems to have made everything worse.

Murdoc watches Dirk carefully, taking in all of his reactions with a genuinely confused expression on his face. He's angry now? Why? He would've thought the confession would make him happy. Does he not feel the same way? Is that what this is?

"I'm not lyin'!" He says, sounding incredibly defensive. "I don't care if you don't believe it, it's true." He announces with a small snort, bracing himself as Dirk pushes past him and turning to follow him. "Where are you goin'?"

Bro wants to believe him when he says that, but right now it's just not possible for him. Not when he feels like EVERYTHING over the last few months has been a lie. He can't deal with knowing Murdoc's considered himself superior, not when he's for once felt like he was equal with someone. To find out that he's been considered inferior? It feels like a biggest fucking betrayal that he could possibly get.

"How the hell am I supposed to believe it?" he asks, and he doesn't turn around, he doesn't even attempt to look at Murdoc. He can't. He cannot look at him right now because he's just too upset to want to. He doesn't answer Murdoc's question, either. It should be pretty fucking obvious where he's going the closer they get to Murdoc's room, so he won't even bother answering it. Instead, now that Murdoc has him talking, he can't stop.

"The shittiest part is how you don't even seem to care," he continues, and by this point he's throwing open the door to Murdoc's room. "Nah, that's not the shittiest part, but it's damn well near the top. The fucking shittiest part is that you actually think you're superior to me. How long's that been a thing, Murdoc? And what even the fuck makes you better, anyway? You think just because you have a little more fucking purity to it, you're better?"

He just scoffs then, grabbing his bag and throwing it onto the bed. He hasn't unpacked, but he does have a few stray clothes lying around that he's beginning to throw into it.

On the contrary, everything over the past few months has made Murdoc question the beliefs that have been firmly planted in his mind from, well, as long as he can remember. He doesn't think he's ever become this close to a muggleborn in his entire life. Doesn't Dirk understand that he's willing to compromise that?

He follows silently, not wanting to interject until he knows exactly what he's answering here. He's fuming to himself though, because he really doesn't get why Dirk is so angry. However, he's sick to his stomach with worry. He knows where Dirk is going, but he doesn't understand why. Or at least, he doesn't want to understand why. He doesn't want him to leave.

Once Dirk finishes talking, he really doesn't know how to answer. He's already said everything he thinks, repeating himself is just going to make Dirk even angrier.

In quiet desperation, he picks up one of Dirk's shirts, as if holding it hostage while he considers an answer.

"It's always been a thing..hasn't it? I thought you would've known.." By this point he sounds terribly uncertain with himself, but he doesn't understand why. "Please don't leave."

He lets out a frustrated noise when he realizes that Murdoc has his shirt. He's nearly done packing, it's one of the only things left and part of him just wants to say fuck it and not even worry about it, but then Murdoc speaks. His fists clench and for the hundredth time, he just can't believe that this is even happening.

And then Murdoc has the audacity to ask him not to fucking leave, and he just rolls his eyes, because at this point the fucking pity he's trying to get just isn't flying. "When you say shit like that, why the hell not?" he demands, "Because I sure as shit didn't know that. Pardon the fuck out of me for not realizing though, eh? I bet you think that's my fault? Heh." He steps forward and yanks the shirt out of Murdoc's grasp.

"I stupidly thought that you might somehow consider us equals," he said, turning his back on Murdoc to throw the shirt in his bag. "Because I sure as hell did until now."

Well, it looks like that one isn't working. He isn't sure what he's meant to do at this point. He doesn't feel like he needs to apologise, but he doesn't want Dirk to leave. He can't even stand to think about how pathetic and alone he'll feel once he leaves.

He lets him yank the shirt without much of a fight. He doesn't have it in him to be as angry as Dirk, despite starting the fight with his own irritation. His mind is more centered on Dirk leaving right now, that's the priority to him. Even if he has no intention of apologising.

"I never said it was your fault." Because hey, he can at least save himself by correcting Dirk. "It is what it is." To put it simply, anyway. As if you don't choose to be restricted by your prejudices, of course.

He can see that isn't going to work at this point, and he's desperate. So he's going to circle Dirk and make him face him so he can press in for the most pathetic, please don't fucking leave me kiss he can manage to steal from the other man.

He does one sweep around the room to make sure he's gotten everything. If there's anything that could've solidified the decision of leaving, it's Murdoc's next words and he moves towards his bag to slam it closed. He's so angry right now that it's a physical effort not to shake, but he's trying not to. he doesn't want Murdoc to know how effected he is by this. But the truth is he's never been so angry and hurt in recent memory and the fact that Murdoc doesn't seem to care, doesn't seem to get it... that's the hardest part to deal with this.

Because it would be one thing if he did, if he actually seemed apologetic. They could work through it if he did. But Murdoc doesn't fucking care and he doesn't see how they can get through this because he can't just get over this. He just fucking can't.

When Murdoc steps around him, he has to clench his fists to stop himself from doing something like shove him. He doesn't want to look at him, and the last thing he wants to do right now is kiss him, but suddenly Murdoc's lips are on his. For a brief moment, he leans into it on sheer instinct. A part of him wants this to be okay, he wants to just go back to normal and for a very brief moment, he gives into the kiss. But then his mind comes back to him and he pulls away, his lips curling up in disgust.

Before he can even stop himself, he's pulling back his fist and swinging it hard at Murdoc's nose.

"That's all I fuckin' am to you, isn't it?" and it's his turn to yell. "Nothing but a good fuck, because it's really fucking obvious that you have no respect for me beyond that!" His voice is loud and shaky and that's when the hurt finally comes through in his tone. He moves around Murdoc and closes his bag, slinging it over his shoulder before he moves to head for the door. "You are not. fucking better than me."

For that moment, Murdoc thinks it might be okay too. He's eager and he pushes into it as well. He doesn't know how to verbally fix this and he doesn't understand why he needs to apologise, but maybe there's a chance for both of them to fix this without speaking. At least, he hoped so.

However, that was far too good to be true and it's a damn good thing Murdoc can't see Dirk's eyes right now. That disgusted look he's giving him is heart breaking and it pains him to see it from Dirk. He doesn't understand this at all, but it hurts.

He doesn't have much time to dwell on it before Dirk's fist is flying at his face. He hadn't expected that at all, he hadn't had a chance to dodge it. His poor nose is forced to take the hit and he's fairly certain it broke given the amount of blood gushing out of it and the pain he feels. For all the times he'd hit Dirk, he'd never expected him to ever hit him like that. He can't even formulate a response, he can only look downward in a bewildered manner before looking up at Dirk with a suprisingly unintentional but typical puppy dog expression that he's gotten so good at harnessing.

When Dirk yells, he just takes it. The kiss was his last resort, he knows nothing is going to make him stay now. He watches him as he leaves before padding out after him. He doesn't follow him out any further than his bedroom door (which he needs to lean against to brace himself up because that was one hell of a punch.), but he will try one last time to make him stay. Or maybe, he isn't trying, he just can't stand the thought of letting him just leave like that.

"Dirk!" He calls out after him, but he doesn't have anything else to add to it. Any other words are lost in the back of his throat as he watches the other man leave.

So much for feeling comfortable.

It's honestly a good thing that he hasn't looked at Murdoc since throwing the punch, because it's likely he might've felt guilty despite it all. It's true, he hasn't nor has he really intended on hitting Murdoc despite being punched so many times. But that's only because every time it's happened, he's known he's deserved it each one. Murdoc deserved it, though. That he's absolutely sure of and that's what he's focusing on.

When Murdoc calls after him, he doesn't turn around. He can't. And as angry as he is, it hurts not to be able to. It hurts that it's turned into this and that he feels like he can't trust the one person he's been able to trust the most for months now. Even as he walks away, he feels lost and confused and just fucking hurt, and he doesn't know what the fuck to do. "Go to hell," he snaps, despite the hurt. Because he's just so fucking angry even with the sadness.

He's mostly angry at himself, because he feels like he got swept up in something that turned out to be a lie. He hates himself for that. He should've known that it was all too good to be true, that his happiness would be short lived. He just... can't see how they could possibly pull through this with the way Murdoc is acting.

Bro's trying not to think about that, though. Because if he thinks about it, then it's just going to hurt and he doesn't want to hurt in front of Murdoc. That's when the need to get away is just overwhelming and he can't even bother to get his laptop. He can get a fucking new one anyway, he just wants to get out. He turns on the spot, and he manages to get one last look at Murdoc before he does, and that's when he really screws up. Apparition is a delicate thing under the best of circumstances, but when the last thing you get a look at your bleeding (possibly ex) boyfriend, it just makes you lose focus completely.

Which is why he leaves a nice chunk of his shoulder on Murdoc's floor. It's going to hurt like a bitch when he lands, but it's nothing compared to the hurt he's going to feel when this all actually sinks in.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Whatcha doin'?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject