SWIMMINGGEDDON.

[wwistful]

WHO: Murdoc Donoghue and YOU
TONE: Fun, WHIMSICAL, horrifying
RATING: PG-13 and onward
WHEN: September 7th
WHERE:  The Lake.
WHAT:  After this Murdoc realised the children (and staff) of Hogwarts were in dire need of swimming lessons.
STATUS: Ongoing

[GATHER AROUND CHILDREN it's a warm summer day and the lake is perfect for diving into your sudden but inevitable deaths. You should all be dressed in your swimming trunks (which you clearly have don't even lie) because Murdoc sure is. He's determined to conduct this in the best manner he can, though he wasn't quite expecting the turn out to be so large. People who can swim are welcome to become his assistants because he could probably use the help.]

Comments

[wwistful]

Why don't you get in the water, then.

[moveslikejaeger]

Mebbe Hy chust vill! [He puffs out his chest, waggling his eyebrows a bit as he saunters towards the water.]

[Then promptly runs back, and bolts forward again, throwing himself into the water]

CANNONBALL!

[Hope you like getting splashed, Murdoc, because he's totally making waves]

[wwistful]

[He is going to watch him saunter with the most dead pan expression ever made.

and he is going to take being splashed with that exact expression. Only his hair has now taken to flopping over his eyes. Giving his head a shake, he follows the younger man into the water, seething and resisting the urge to change forms.]

[moveslikejaeger]

[He just pokes his head out of the water, grinning mischievously at the teacher from ear to ear]

Iz hyu givink me "special lessons", Professor~? [he coos, swimming right up to Murdoc and batting his eyes]

[wwistful]

You seem capable a swimmin', why should I teach you anythin'?

[moveslikejaeger]

[Should he go for it?]

[Hmm, yeah. what's he got to lose for it but a hand? (And maybe house points)]

Mebbe Hy deedn't mean svimmink lesson! [He chirps, hand coming forward to grope Murdoc beneath the water]

[Yup, time to flee for his life now, bye!]

[wwistful]

JAEGER!! [There is no way his voice didn't just go up a few octaves. He's livid, but he's a little too surprised to chase him straight away. He's just wondering if that actually happened.]

Come back here this instant! [He squawks over at him, knowing it's not going to do much good. Submerging in the water, he changes forms, knowing he can approach the man faster and in a much more subtle manner as a shark.

And they said a sea-dwelling form wouldn't do him any good.

Is that the jaws music? Do you see a dorsal fin rising out of the water?]

[moveslikejaeger]

No vay, Hy'm dumb, not suicidal! [Although he'd do much better at getting away if he wasn't laughing so hard. It's really hard to swim like that, water keeps getting into his mouth.]

[There might be jaws music, but he certainly doesn't see the fin coming. Too busy patting himself on the back for that move]

[wwistful]

[Oh that's nice, he's just going to gliiiiiiide up alongside Maxim before giving him a forceful nudge with his snout.]

[moveslikejaeger]

[SHRIEK!]

[...Sorry Murdoc, Maxim's freaked, but a Jaeger's first instinct when startled is to lash out. His fist goes hurtling for the closest part of the shark, and then he drops into the water, flailing around uselessly]

[wwistful]

[Murdoc is more than used to that reaction, Maxim. He makes a funny little wiggling motion, making it a little obvious that he isn't a normal shark.

He zips after Maxim, changing form in the motion. He gives Maxim the most poisonous glare, grabbing his wrist tightly and starting to swim back toward shore.]

[moveslikejaeger]

[....Did he just see that?]

[Did he just see a shark turn into his professor?]

[Couldn't have, must've been some reflection from the water in his eyes or something]

[Which mean Murdoc saved him from a shark]

[Murdoc just saved him from a shark]

[Coolest. Teacher. Ever]

[wwistful]

[Maxim, you are very dumb. He is going to drag Maxim up onto shore before standing over him with his hands on his hips.]

JAEGER. SIT UP.

[moveslikejaeger]

[The dumbest.]

[He jerks up right as Murdoc snaps, eyes flicking upwards.]

[...Murdoc does know this puts him at just about eye level with his crotch, right?]

Yez, Professor Dongohuge?

[wwistful]

DO. NO. HYU. JAEGER. IF YOU CANNOT PRONOUNCE IT DON'T SAY IT.

[Oh god, the expression of barely contained rage.] Do you have any sense of decency? I am your PROFESSOR. You will RESPECT ME, understood? You do not. touch me. without my consent.

[moveslikejaeger]

[moveslikejaeger]

[moveslikejaeger]

[moveslikejaeger]

[moveslikejaeger]

Iz not my fault Hy haz an ekscent.

[Yep, that's the only part of that he's going to touch]

[wwistful]

Then call me professor instead a makin' a mockery out a me.

I'm takin' fifteen points from Gryffindor in the blind hope you might actually give a damn an' you can be damn sure there'll be detention for it.

[moveslikejaeger]

[Holy cow. Is that all? Seriously?]

[best teacher ever for real]

H'okay. Hyu gonna write to Mamma? Cuz... hyu know she gonna be jealous Hy got a hand on hyu first.

[Oh, that was probably a dumb thing to say]

[wwistful]

I will, yes. You do know that your behaviour directly reflects your mother, don't you? Every single time you misbehave, your mother is called into question.

Eventually, she may suffer the consequences. But I'm sure you don't care one bit about that.

[moveslikejaeger]

[He raises his finger and opens his mouth because he's totally going to object to that]

[Then promptly snaps his mouth shut and reduces himself to whimpering pathetic]