sortinghat_logs | Daddy Ellis and Mommy Nick

Daddy Ellis and Mommy Nick

WHO: Ellis and Nick
TONE: CUTE AND FLUFFY!!
RATING: PG-13
WHEN: Backdated to before the eggs hatch, and then after
WHERE: PLACES
WHAT: Egg shenanigans
STATUS: Ongoing

[So somehow Ellis totally got what he wanted and convinced Nick to be his egg daddy. No one is quite sure how ~~because mun sucks at tagging and we just don't know~~ but the point of the matter is, they are partners. Glorious, majestic partners. And they are gonna raise this little egg together and it will be the best little snake ever.

Egg in hand, he approaches Nick and holds it out to him.]

Would ya look at that? Ain't she the prettiest?

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Hey, hey, hey! Nick! Nick! It's hatchin'!

[Ellis happened to be lounging in a chair reading a comic book in the library when it happened. He saw it moving out the corner of his eye and that had to mean one thing. It was hatching and they were gonna be real daddies!

...No homo!!

And so he's urging Nick to come closer quickly and enthusiastically, staring wide eyed at the egg in front of him on the table.]

Oh my god this is gonna be awesome. Did I ever tell you about the time me and my buddy Keith thought it'd be fun to try and catch pet snakes? Well, I wanted a black one... But Keith, nah. Ever the daredevil, he decided he wanted one with them rattlers on it. Well he found a nest of 'em, and-

Oh my God, do you ever shut up? [Nick looks up from the magazine he's smuggled into the library, leaning away and pointedly bringing the magazine closer to his face.]

You're gonna talk it to death before it even gets out, Ellis.

I can't shut up! Because if I shut up, then how would you ever know it was hatchin'?

[Goooosh. Use your head, Nick!]

I don't think talkin' to death is an actual thing, Nick. Besides, it's gotta know then name of my voice so it can recognize me and stuff. Isn't that what babies are s'posed to do?

I wouldn't, and I'd be okay with that. You know why? Because I don't care.

You'd be the first to find out, believe me. [He rolls his eyes and turns away from both of them, burying his face him his magazine. One day they will realise his avoidance protected him from falling in love with some chump.] It's a snake. Snakes don't fucking care.

Well... fine. But just you wait, it's gonna hatch and then you'll be sad when it likes me better. But I'll tell it how cool ya are anyway, so it starts likin' ya even if ya weren't there for it bein' born.

[Because he's a nice person like that, and wants their baby to like both it's parents.]

Since it's about to hatch though, we should decide on names! What about Nellis? Y'know, a combo of both our names!

Yeah, okay. You do that. [He waves him off and tries to focus intently on an article that he really doesn't care all that much for. He picked up the first magazine he could find so he wouldn't have to listen to Ellis and now he regrets it.]

How about Snake?

[It's at that moment that the egg cracks open and then all of a sudden Ellis feels... different. It's a weird feeling, and he looks towards Nick to see if he might be feeling weird, too.

And it's as if he's seeing the world for the first time.

He's forgotten the snake completely and is walking over to Keith, stopping in front of him.

Ellis is just... giving him the most adoring look ever.]

Nick...

[The only thing Nick really notices is that Ellis is being suspiciously quiet. All the more reason to focus all of his attention on this single word and not look up from behind the magazine until it stops.

But it doesn't. And then Ellis speaks and he hunches behind his magazine, lowering it down past his eyes to glare at the other boy. That adoring look can only mean trouble.]

No.

[No. No it's not trouble at all! It's the opposite of trouble. It's the best thing ever. Nick should be thrilled to be looked at like this! Not that he doesn't look at him like this sometimes. But this is different! This is on a higher level of adoration. This is...

Love.]

But... Nick. I... I just realized somethin'.

Do I want to know?

[He lowers the magazine juuuust a little, finding that expression incredibly offputting. This cannot be good. It's Ellis, it's never fucking good.]

Why're you looking at me like that?

I'm lookin' at ya 'cuz...'cuz, I...

[He shifts a little, his face going red. This is surprisingly hard to admit, after all. He feels kind of embarrassed! But the feelings are just so overwhelmingly strong that he HAS to say something. Otherwise he feels like he'll miss his chance, and that thought is just scary.]

I love ya, Nick!

Because what?

[He snips, getting incredibly impatient with Ellis and his bullshit. This egg project has been a huge strain on his ability to deal.

And now...

This....What the fuck is this?

A single eyebrow shoots up, but he isn't all thata put off. Ellis is pretty open with his adoration.]

It's not mutual. [He grumbles, trying to read his magazine again.] Do you have any idea how gay you sound?

[Ellis deflates a little at that, his face turning redder and looking away.]

I... I know I do, but I can't help it! Ya just... Ya make me gay, Nick. I dunno how, but I dunno how I didn't realize it before! I am, Nick. I'm... I'm gay for ya, and I love ya!

[Nick is just..horrified. The longer this goes on, the more serious Ellis seems to be. That is just fucking disturbing.]

What the hell? [His brow twitches as he rolls up his magazine, staring hard at Ellis.] This isn't fucking funny, Ellis. You sound like a goddamn moron.

[He's so serious right now that it hurts, Nick. Why don't you understand? Why don't you take him seriously? He's also kind of scared right now. This is scary. Everything is scary. Love confessions are scary. Gay confessions are scary. Your face is also kind of scary right now and holy shit just believe him for once in your life and make this easier for him!!]

I can't help what I sound like Nick, but it's true! I... I wanna kiss you now. Can I do that?

[Oh, it'll hurt alright. It's gonna hurt real good when Nick punches the serious right out of Ellis. The one time he wishes he was being an insufferable goof and he's cornering him with homo-propositions? Fuck this.

He growls at him, warning him to even try it.]

You can kiss my ass, Ellis. I'm not fucking gay, 'specially not for you.

[Have you ever seen a face drop quite like this? Because Ellis's face is dropping like he's the most disappointed person on this planet. You can practically feel the happiness draining out of him and pooling on the floor below. That is his depth of heartbreak. Good job, Nick.]

...Just one, maybe? And then I'll leave ya alone and try and get over my feelings.

[He's seen disappointment before, hell he's seen Ellis being a big fucking baby before. However, he honestly cannot recall the last time he saw anyone looking so damn heartbroken. It's really....

Gross.]

You kiss me and I will punch you so hard you'll wake up in the first year dorms.

[Those are tears welling in his eyes, man. But he turns away to hide them, because he doesn't want Nick seeing him this way. His hand comes up to wipe at them and he takes a step back.]

Alright, man, I can take a hint. Guess I'll leave ya alone now.

[Nick is going to stare at his back, looking both horribly offended and just really fucking confused by all of this. Part of him feels a little bad for making ELLIS of all people cry, Ellis who has dealt with years of his abuse? It's not right.

He stands up, tapping his magazine on Ellis' shoulder.]

C'mon, you aren't upset 'cause I wouldn't let you smooch me. Right? [Suddenly he's a little nervous about losing one of the only people who deals with his shit.]

[Ellis is just going to sniff a bit loudly and bring up a hand to wipe at his eyes, and then his nose. He doesn't turn around, because it would totally give away the fact he is crying.]

Me? N-naw... 'm fine, man.

[Except his tone clearly says yes. Yes he's very upset.]

Oh god. [He groans as Ellis begins to wipe at his eyes. For all that he complains about him, he certainly doesn't hate him. He just cannot fucking handle him at all.]

Since when did you have a big girly crush on me, asshole?

[Ellis just kind of shrugs and sniffs again. Honestly, he doesn't know, but that doesn't seem super relevant right now. All he knows is that his feelings are crushed and he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore.]

I'unno. Why's it matter anyway? Y'don't care or nothin', so I'll just get outta your hair.

[He's gonna start walking away now, wiping harder at his eyes.]

[Every sniff has Nick cringing and reeling, as if Ellis crying is his most volatile state and Nick can't handle it. He looks a little worried, but he's hiding under a deep set frown.]

Yeah, whatever. [He waves him off, turning to walk in the other direction.]

[Nick is going to leeeeeean away from the egg as it's held out toward him. He hates this. He hates it so fucking much. What are they learning from this? Nothing. All he knows is that the damn thing doesn't have a chance and that he's stuck with Ellis until he sits on it.

On the plus side, at least he knows Ellis will do all of the "work".]

It's an egg. [He states the obvious, crinkling his nose.] Mind it. When you break it, I don't want it anywhere near my uniform.

It sure is!

[But... why would he break it? That's the last thing he's gonna do. Nick, you're silly. Gosh. This is why he likes you so much, because you're just so gosh darned silly.]

Naw, man. It ain't gonna break! It's gonna hatch! There's a big difference, 'cuz one of 'em doesn't end up killin' it.

It's breakfast. Serve it with bacon before it hatches and you try to make a wallet out of it.

With you as its primary care giver it hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell. Or in this case, an egg's chance in a human blender's hands.

[Ellis gives him a vaguely horrified look at that, because holy shit you can't eat the egg!]

No! No, we can't eat it. That'd kill it! No. Why you gotta be like that? Why can't ya just be excited for it like I am?

It's not alive. It wouldn't be killing it, it'd be giving it a new lease on life. A brief but beautiful one.

[He rolls his eyes.] Because I have way better things to do than play nanny for a goddamn egg, Ellis.

[Ellis just SIGHS because gosh you're being kind of ridiculous.]

But it ain't gonna be an egg forever! Soon it'll be a snake. Snakes are cool, don'tcha think? Come ooon, what's it gonna take to get you excited? What makes ya happy, Nick?

Whatever it is, it's your problem. The only way I'm gonna get excited about this is when you decide you're A-OK with doing all of the work so I can kick my feet up and do something I care about- Nothing. That would make me very god damn happy.

... Nick, this is a paired project, we're supposed to work together. Ya can't just slack off! That ain't fair at all!

It was your idea and you're the one who cares. You give that egg to me and you're going to be smelling egg salad sandwiches within an hour, that's a promise.

[Ellis just gives him a horrified look, because the thought of that is depressing and scary all at the same time.]

Nick! Ya can't do that, that'd get ya in so much trouble! And I'd be the one to tell on ya, 'cuz ya can't just kill our baby like that!

[He relishes that horrified look, it pleases him.]

Nobody needs to know. [Shrug....frown.] It's not our baby.

I ain't letting you do anything to our baby.

[He says it pointedly, because it is.] You're bein' ridiculous.

It's not my baby. It's an egg. It's your egg.

[SQUINT.] You're the one being ridiculous!

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Daddy Ellis and Mommy Nick

AND THEN LATER in the... library??

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