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WHO: John Egbert and Dave Strider
TONE: Burn baby burn!
RATING: PG for swearing and burning smuppets
WHEN: Monday, March 19
WHERE: The dungeons
WHAT: John and Dave prank everyone at Slytherin by magicking a bunch of smuppets into their common once someone opens the door. After that, they go deeper into the dungeons with some more smuppets and prepare to have a little bonfire of smuppets.
STATUS: Ongoing

So as it turned it out, being sneaky and fast while magically dragging around a bunch of puppets was harder in practice than in theory. Still, among the chaos that Slytherin had become once the stream of smuppets had began, John and Dave had managed to make their way deeper into the dungeons without much trouble. Once he fairly certain they were out of everyone's ear shot, John let out a laugh. "Hahaha! That was awesome!"

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Once they were far enough away that they could slow down, Dave doubled over, leaning his hands onto his thighs and letting out a half-breathless laugh. "Man, I wish we could have seen their faces." He straightened and smirked, looking over at John. "C'mon, let's keep going. We gotta find someplace to get rid of the rest of these fuckers where we won't get ratted out by a tapestry or something."

"Ok, ok..." John replied, taking a deep breath to help himself regain his breath. "But man that was awesome."

"Revenge is a dish best served plush." Dave paused, eyebrows shooting up behind his shades, and then groaned and slapped his forehead with his palm. Wow, that had just sounded exactly like something Bro would say.

John laughed again at that. "Wow. Straight from Bro's book there."

He then coughed to stop himself from laughing more. "Ok, let's get further in! Lumos!"

The wand's light wasn't really necessary yet, but the tunnels ahead looked dark enough that John felt better preparing it in advance.

"You know what?" Dave shot John a less-than-friendly gesture, but fell in step beside him, keeping his own wand trained on the sack full of smuppets as he carted it along behind them. He looked over at John and then further down the hallway. He didn't say anything. The day before had come with some uncomfortable revelations, and thinking of Bro just then had reminded Dave all over again.

John chuckled at the gesture and kept walking down the damp stone floor, moving his wand closer to the walls every once in a while. "There's gotta be a room here somewhere."

Dave shivered. Was it just him, or was it getting colder? "We gotta make sure it's not the Potions storeroom or something, either. I shudder to think of what Professor Rhydderch would do to us if we set fire to his shit."

"... Yeah. We should avoid that."

He kept leading the two further in the dungeon, the silence only interrupted either by their footsteps or the occasional dripping sound. One of them landed on John's head, making him shudder. It really felt colder in here. Eventually, he found a door.

"Let's see here..." he said as he pushed it open. The door moved slowly and heavily, making noises like it hadn't been opened in a long time. "Come oooon!"

Soon enough, it opened enough for John to at least look inside. It looked like a bare room, without anything of note inside except for some rusty old chains scattered in a few spots John could see with the light of his wand. "I think we can use this one! Help me out here."

Dave stood back and watched John go all mangrit on the door. It was so dark inside that he almost considered taking off his shades. Instead he let the heavy sack of smuppets fall to the floor, and stuck his own wand arm into the room, mumbling a quiet 'Lumos' and adding his own light to the light from John's wand.

"The fuck is this, some kind of torture dungeon or something? Shit, I figured since this was a castle there had to be one somewhere." He took a hesitant couple of steps into the room, and then pointed his wand at the sack of smuppets. "Wingardium leviosa." And brought it into the room. He pointed his wand at the corners of the ceiling. "Incendio!" all four corners, which briefly gave them a little more light, as the cobwebs burned. It didn't look like there was anything else in the room except mold and chains. Definitely no skeletons, which set the creepy crawlies on the back of Dave's neck at ease.

"Creepy room either way..." John said, glad that Dave had thought of starting those fires to give them better light. Helped with the cold too.

"Isn't all this supposed to be under the lake?" he asked louder than he intended to as he looked around the room. Well, at least some of the chains were small enough he could pretend they just held cauldrons in place. Yes. Probably an old potions classroom. That was his story and he was sticking with it.

The extra light only lasted a few seconds, but it had the double effect of burning up the cobwebs so that they didn't get ambushed by fucking spiders or someshit. There would be a bigger fire soon enough.

"Yeah, I think so. Hopefully today's not the day that the giant squid decides to come knocking." Dave bent down and untied the sack of smuppets, stepping back out of the way almost faster than the eye could see when it fell open and the plush monstrosities spilled out. He shuddered. He could almost hear the echo of Cal's laugh. He pointed his wand at the pile, and looked over at John. "It's about to get nice and fucking toasty in here."

"Go for it!" John said, excitement at the prospect of a large fiery pile of smuppets coming, ridding them of the last physical reminder of Bro's presence and his trolling. Granted, John hadn't read it all- he wasn't particularly fond of seeing his friend squirming as much as they had that day- but what he had read was enough. "Burn smuppets, burn!"

Dave smirked and flicked his wand at the pile. "Incendio!" And oh, there was something so fucking gratifying in saying it. The embers leapt from the end of his wand and into the pile, taking root in the flammable asscheeks of the freaky technicolor smuppets. He knew what they were made of - he'd shredded enough of them in his time. A pile this big? Yeah, it'd last an hour or three.

Once he was sure that they were burning, he sat down just close enough to be still in the circle of light, casting lumos again until the fire got big enough to light up the room.

John sat down next to Dave, setting his still lit wand next to him as he leaned back and supported himself by his hands. "Best way to use these things ever."

"Hell yeah it is." Dave brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. He looked over at John. "So how did the rest of your Parent's Day go?"

"It was actually pretty awesome!" he said with a little laugh of excitement. "Dad got me my first bottle of shaving cream and taught me how to shave! He said he saw some whiskers that worried him, so he took the chance. How about yours?"

...Oh. Well. "Well goddamn, nothing as Hallmark as that, that's for sure." Dave rested his chin on his knees. "Found out that Bro's not really my brother."

"What?" That didn't make sense. If he wasn't really his brother, why call himself his Bro? "What is he then?"

Dave closed his eyes behind his shades and took a deep breath, his shoulders tensed a little. He was still shaken by the revelation, but he was starting to accept it. Kind of. A little. "He's my dad."

... What?

That made even less sense.

Why would he do that?

Why say you're your son's brother when you'll be raising him anyway? If he was the result of some teenage affair, then the whole scenario would make sense if Dave was being raised by what would actually be his grandparents, but otherwise... No, not even movie logic made sense here. Was that some irony thing he hadn't been told about? "What the fuck?"

"Also apparently Rose and I are twins, but Bro and her mom weren't digging the whole joint custody thing when they split up, so they just each took one of us and fucked off."

Don't ask Dave, it didn't make any sense to him, either. He guessed Bro was just too cool to be a dad or something like that. Or figured that an implied sob story was better gossip for the neighbors than a single young dad. Whatever, Dave didn't know. He shrugged. "So that was my Parent's Day."

"Dude..." Jesus Christ, what was it with his friends and bad Parents Days? It almost made him feel bad for his own good day.

"That... Wow..." What could he say, really? 'Sorry man'? That felt so insufficient it was almost insulting. It certainly didn't cover what Dave and Rose must have been feeling since they were told the truth. What did you say to that, anyway? But he had to say or do something. Dave was his best friend, and he had just poured his heart out to him. As little as had been said, he could tell that Dave was tremendously affected by it.

So, he did the best he could think of, and scooted closers to Dave, threw his arm around Dave's in a half-way hug, and pulled the other boy closer. "I'm sorry."

Dave didn't expect John to say anything, really. It kind of just felt better to say it. It was what it was, or so he'd been trying to tell himself, there was no reason to feel betrayed. Even if he had been lied to for the past fourteen ye--yeah, fuck that, he was gonna feel betrayed about this.

His shoulders tensed a little when John's arm wrapped around him and pulled him closer, and then he relaxed and shifted so that he could scoot closer and slide an arm behind John that he could rest his weight on.

"Thanks, man," he murmured. "Sorry to bring you down. Sounds like you had a pretty awesome day, cake attacks notwithstanding."

John rolled his eyes at that. "Dave, you don't have to apologise. I had a great day that's over. You're dealing with this out of nowhere shit now."

Dave sighed, but he smiled a little. It was starting to get really warm in the room, and the orange glow from the fire was reaching out to the sides of the room. Dave extinguished the 'lumos' of his wand, in lieu of muttering a quick spell to dispel the smoke (it was the same trick he'd picked up to use in front of the smoke detector in the apartment, whenever something went horribly wrong in the kitchen or fireworks accidentally got set off inside).

"It'll be even worse when Bro shows up for work after hols."

John did the same with his wand, letting nothing but the fire illuminate the room. At least now the fire was warming the place up nicely. Dave's comment about Bro gave him pause, though.

"He's coming to work here?" That... Couldn't be good.

Dave stared at the fire, which was doing a nice job of consuming the smuppets so that he didn't have to stare into their asses by doing so.

"Eyup. He heard Vantas socked me one and he's decided that he needs to get a job here so he can make a man out of me." It was all said with a total pokerface. "Sorry in advance if these smuppet-burning parties become routine."

"That's stupid! What will he even teach?" John said, completely baffled by the prospect. Granted, he didn't know that much about the man, but surely 'irony' or 'how to make puppets dirty' wouldn't be a valid subject to teach at Hogwarts, right?

"Beats me, but whatever it is I'm sure as hell not signing up." Dave shifted so that he was sitting cross-legged. "I get enough of his shit at home I don't wanna have to fight him just to get to the Great Hall."

Plus, there was the fact that he was currently so mad at Bro that he could spit. Yeah, that was a big one, too.

"I don't think Dumbledore would let him fight you," he said, the reference to the headmaster reminding him of Rose. He wondered how she was taking the news. She'd made perfectly obvious that she disliked her mother, and now with a bomb like this, it probably wouldn't improve. All that amateur psychoanalysis probably didn't prepare her for that either.

That was not how families were supposed to be, that much John knew for sure.

Dave hadn't really talked to Rose since the bomb got dropped, so he couldn't tell you how she was handling it. Then again, she hadn't ever idolized her mother in the same way that Dave once idolized Bro. For Dave, the pedestal was broken, and there was no going back. "Yeah, well I don't think Bro's the type to be afraid of an old fart with a beard."

"Still..." John insisted. "That's stuff that'd get him fired, right? It's not like he could hide it."

Dave shrugged, but didn't say anything. If Bro even managed to get hired in the first place, he was probably good enough to stay on even while he made Dave's life a living hell.

"That offer still up for Easter hols?" he asked, after a moment had passed. "Needless to say, I'd rather tear out my own toenails with a pair of hot pliers than go home."

Edited (((shhhhh I can type))) 2012-03-24 22:40 (UTC)

"Sure!" John said with a small smile. That at least was something that he had no intention of changing.

And then he was hit by a sudden thought reminding him that Bro wouldn't necessarily let Dave, and his father certainly wouldn't be letting someone stay in his house without permission. But then again, Bro had made him promise to have Dave's back at all times (like he needed to do that), and that certainly fell under that, so he figured it'd probably be fine.

Dave actually smiled a little at that, too. "Thanks, I owe you one."

Last he'd heard he wasn't allowed to go. But honestly, look at all the fucks that he absolutely did not give at this point. He also didn't know about the promise that John was being held to. He just. Wanted to spend the hols anywhere but with his brot-- with Bro.

That made John chuckle a little. "Nah, it's cool! You, Jade and Rose are always invite over!"

The little improvised bonfire was getting almost too hot to be sitting so close to. A lot of the damp coldness in the room had been eaten up, dried up by the fire, and Dave glanced around. "Sure am glad there aren't any skeletons of former students or anything in here," he mumbled under his breath.

That actually made John shudder. "Don't say that, you'll attract some ghost."

But then a thought occurred. "Unless you want to start telling scary stories around the fire."

Dave looked at him when he felt him shudder, and was just about to point out that the kid who watches Ghostbusters at least fifty times every summer was afraid of summoning spirits? But then John continued, and Dave's eyebrows shot up.

"Sure, why not?" It was better than dwelling on the parents day clusterfuck of 2012, that was for sure.

"Awesome!" John said, shifting himself so he was facing Dave, and scooting a little away from the fire because of the heat. "You start!"

It takes a long time, to claw his way out of the face full of ass. A long time. A really, really long time. With lots of very uncomfortable shouts and near-shrieks of outrage.

One of them might be.

"- FUCKIN' EGBERT-"

Because who else could this be, if not the dastardly JOHN EGBERT, PRANKSTER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

Ten galleons says Vriska had a hand in it too.

[Galen had come out of the dorm to see what was going on- he didn't normally get in other peoples business, but that yell had been too loud not to strike his curiosity. When he sees Eridan surrounded by puppets, he stares.]

You need to find somewhere else to play your disgusting games.

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