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WHO: Tavros Nitram and anyone who happens upon the sad little Hufflepuff boy
TONE: Frustrated and Sad
RATING: G?
WHEN: 4/17
WHERE: A quiet little corner somewhere.
WHAT: The events of the accidental love potion weigh a bit heavily.
STATUS: [ONGOING]

Tavros sits alone in an out of the way place, curled up in the inlay of a large window. He leans his head against the glass and watches all the nothing going on in the air around the school. One hand is pulled into his robe where he has a pocket spelled to keep the baby snake he stole from the egg he hatched with Gamzee. It's likely the only good thing to come out of that holiday, but it feels like he ended up trading his best friend for it.

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Gamzee hasn't been looking for Tavros. He feels too embarrassed by what he's done, absolutely certain that the younger boy probably feels all violated and upset by what they'd done when they'd been under the influence of the potion. He knows that he'd had those feelings all alone, but Tavros hadn't, and he's probably regretting every second with Gamzee, and even worse, he'll probably try to act like it was all fine, because that's the kind of friend he is.

So Gamzee's been keeping to himself, not sure how to deal with any of this, and when he sees his friend in the window he stops up short, hands plunged down into the pockets of his sloppily open robe.

"Oh," he says before he can stop himself, before he can sneak away. "Hey, bro."

Tavros hasn't been looking for Gamzee either, much for the same reasons. He'd always bee oblivious to how Gamzee felt, always considering any overt affections as just the way Gamzee is, or as a playful joke. Years of being made fun of and existing as the source of everyone's amusement made it very hard to see himself as being worth anything more than that, regardless of how he feels for anyone else. Any attempts he's made had always ended up in ridicule and failure.

So why bother?

He jumps when he hears someone speak, not having expected anyone else to be there. His brown eyes look all puffy, but he hasn't been crying in a while. "Oh, uh... Hey, Gamzee." He really does try to act like it's all fine, but he can't actually manage it as much as he wants to. The experience left him extremely confused and hurt."

Gamzee's eyes immediately narrow in concern when he sees the puffiness around his friend's, and briefly his own concerns are forgotten in worry for Tavros.

"Woah, what's all being the problem?" he asks, drifting closer and peering into the smaller boy's face. "You been crying?"

"N-no?" He lies, and not very well. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, running a hand through his mohawk. Now that Gamzee is in front of him he felt even shittier because he'd practically been ignoring him this whole time.

"What's bringing you down, then?" Gamzee asks, cocking his head to one side, brows furrowed. "Ain't nobody been giving you shit, have they?"

He just shrugs. People are always trying to mess with him, that isn't anything new. It's just a lot more lewd now. "It's, uh... nothing important. I'm okay."

"You need to cut that the motherfuck out," Gamzee says solemnly.

"I- ..What?" He looked confused, and a little taken back by that reaction. What did he do wrong now?"

"Saying it ain't important. If you're upset and maybe been crying, that shit is important to me," Gamzee says, giving him a serious look.

"I, uh... don't want to say anything, because making you feel bad, for something that wasn't your fault, is not a thing I want to be doing." Surprisingly crying isn't something he does often, so it takes him a good long while to stop when he does. Talking about it might make him start up again, and he hates crying. Hates it. He never feels more weak than when he's crying.

It's what Gamzee's been afraid of. That all that stuff they did had bothered Tavros, maybe even made him disgusted or feel really bad, but he hasn't wanted to say anything to Gamzee because he's too nice like that. He gaze drops to the top of his purple trainers, and he bites the inside of his lower lip.

"No, I feel you," he says slowly, after a moment. "I'm really motherfuckin' sorry, Tavros. I wouldn't have never done all those things if- I thought you wanted me to! I mean, I guess you did, back then, but now it's probably all kinds of nasty up in you from all what we did. I'm so sorry, I guess for you, thinking back, that's like ... you know like me getting you drunk and then having myself a great big feel-up/make-out session when you was too wasted to say no. I didn't know, though. For real, I thought you were into me like that!"

See? This is exactly what he didn't want to happen. "But that.... that's not even, what I mean."

He sniffs softly, resting his arms on his knees and just wanting to curl up in the tiny little ball that his braces won't allow for. "You love Shinra... right? And he loved you?" Another pause, chewing hard on his lip. "No imagine if you, uh... just turn around one day, and suddenly you realize, that it was all a joke. Just some... fakey fake feelings because, of a cruel joke. No one ever really loved you, and you're all alone again."

Only now he knows what he's missing, actually feeling loved for the first time in his life and it wasn't real. That's the worst part.

"Well, yeah, course we did," Gamzee starts, though the thought of Shinra is a painful one, since there have been no owls from the other boy, and he has no idea if the ones he's sending are getting through. The thought is so distracting that he almost misses the thrust of what Tavros is saying, but when he manages to actually process the mess through his somewhat impaired brain, he stops, giving the Hufflepuff an uncertain look.

"But. I do-" he starts again, then interrupts himself with a question of vital importance. "Do you want me to be heels-over-head red for you?"

Tavrose freezes, looking nervous near the point of fear, put on the spot with what is for him something that feels like a life changing question. It isn't just a matter of coming out, its changing his relationship with Gamzee forever. As it is they may never be able to go back to the way things were, but there's still a chance?

If he says yes and something goes wrong he'll lose him forever and he doesn't think he can handle being that alone.

But what if it doesn't go wrong? What if... what if...

It takes so long for him to respond it starts to seem like he just isn't going to answer the question. He still can't seem to get the words to come on their own, but he finally just reaches out and takes Gamzee's hand, holding on tightly.

Gamzee blinks, then sits down next to the other boy abruptly. It's enough of an answer for him - he knows Tavros well enough to know what the gesture means, and the significance of it hits him square in the heart.

"I thought ... " His fingers curl around the Hufflepuff's hand, squeezing back, as he looks up into warm brown eyes, the ones that had featured in his dreams so many times. If Gamzee was the kind of guy to appreciate irony, he'd be shaking his head internally at the fact that when he finally, finally feels like he's gotten over Tavros, when he's made his peace with them always being just amazingly tight bros, then he discovers things can be different. But he's not - the Slytherin is often embarrassingly sincere, and all he's thinking is, This is real?

"I thought you weren't into that kind of thing. That it was just that snakey love all creeping up in your pan."

Those bronze eyes were welling up with tears again, not even sure what his emotions were doing anymore after being whiplashed around so hard in too many directions. He wipes at them with the back of his free hand, the other clutching Gamzee's like a lifeline. "I was, s-scared..."

Gamzee reaches out, using his own long fingers to get whatever tears are left on the smaller boy's face, peering at his friend. "Scared of what?"

He keeps clutching at Gamzee, needing the support at the moment. "C-coming out, I guess?"

Tavros shrugs half heartedly, a lot of things had scared him but he's not sure how to put them all in words. "I like girls, but then, uh... liking you, made me all confused."

The taller boys nods slowly - he can actually understand that. Being gay, not even being interested in girls at all as far as he could tell, had made him unhappy for a long time. He honestly wouldn't wish that on anyone else, especially his bro Tavros. Maybe he should offer to keep things secret? But no, the Hufflepuff isn't built that way, he's not sly the way Gamzee can be, and he never pretends not to like the things he likes just to avoid ridicule.

"That was before the whole snake thing?"

Coming out was scary. It wasn't just an affirmation of who he is but an actual lifestyle change. People look at you differently and treat you differently, at least in the muggle world. He's not so sure about the wizarding world, but so far it hasn't seemed that different.

Tavros nods, finally able to take at least somewhat of a deep breath to help calm himself down. "I, uh... dunno know when."

Gamzee doesn't say anything for a long few moments. Still holding Tavros's hand, he wraps his other around his knee as he brings it up to his chest. Leaning his chin on the upraised knee, he studies the smaller boy for what seems like a long time.

"I've been having this thing for you, this tight-bright red feeling up in my pump biscuit, for years," he admits finally.

His brows furrow and he looks more than a little shocked and even more confused. Sure there'd been a comment here and there but he'd always figured it was just Gamzee being Gamzee, affectionate to everyone he likes. "R-really?"

The taller boy nods slowly. "Yeah. I asked, you know, that one time, but you weren't into it, so ... "

He shrugs. He wants to say if he'd have known sooner, he would have gone after Tavros harder, that he wouldn't have wasted time with other stuff. But the truth is, no longer under the influence of the love potion, he doesn't think time with Shinra was wasted. The other boy is still dear to him, even if they're not going to be together, or maybe even never see each other again, and he doesn't regret the time they had together.

"Guess our little hissbro did do something good," he adds, smiling a little. "If it got you to be all speaking up on your real feelings."

"Y-you...?" He pauses a moment, thinking back. It breaks his heart a little to realize what he's talking about, how he handled that must have seemed so cruel at the time. "I thought... I thought you were, uh... just joking around."

There's no way he'd ever have thought it to be serious, especially back then. H'ed honestly believed that no one in their right mind would like him like that, even going so far as to think there was something wrong with him because why else would people keep pushing him away. A lot of the time he still thinks these things.

Tavros looks down, somehow feeling both happy and crummy at the same time. He sneaks his hand into his robe letting the tiny white snake curl around his hand before he lifts him back out for Gamzee to see. "Yeah.."

"Nah, there were lots of time when I wanted to kiss you, 'cause you looked-" Gamzee starts, but he interrupts himself when he sees the baby snake, his face brightening. "Oh, hey, you did keep him!"

The taller boy leans over, to look at the tiny serpent snout-on. "Hey, little motherfucker," he crooned, "Ain't you got the best da in the world? He's gonna be taking the finest-kind care what there is of you, bro."