sortinghat_logs | [closed] I've always hoped that you'd end this reign

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[closed] I've always hoped that you'd end this reign

WHO: Constance Peixes and Eridan Ampora
TONE: Sad, a bit awkward, a bit 'what might have been'
RATING: PG-ish
WHEN: 14 November
WHERE: Constance's office
WHAT: this happened. and now it needs to be discussed.
STATUS: [ONGOING]

[All Constance could do was pace the floor of her office, behind her desk. Back and forth. Back and forth. 'Mum'. She supposed it was a matter of time before the distance she was intentionally putting between herself and Murdoc needed to be discussed, but she thought she had time.

And she didn't think it would come to a discussion of her personal feelings, her personal pain. She hadn't worded things well, and she knew it.

All she could do was wait, now. It was going to be a surprise when she saw who was behind the door, though...]

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[Oh boy, oh boy. Eridan did not mean to do that, he did not mean to put that, nor did he mean to read that. However, he was nosy and he's a bit of a natural gossip hound.

He almost didn't go to her office whenever she requested it, he really didn't know what to expect out of this conversation, but he knew it was going to be rude in the highest degree if he ignored it and such.

So, he went, and he decides to just poke his head through the door instead of knocking or just walking on in, mainly because he'd be alright if she turned him away.

But man was he nervous about this conversation.]

I... Hi.

[Constance turned, a bit startled to hear the voice. She had been expecting Feferi...but she wouldn't turn Eridan away. Not after he called her 'mum'.]

Come in, Eridan, and close the door behind you?

[She takes a seat, not behind the desk, but in front of it, motioning him to a seat by her.]

...I...I'm surprised to see you. Are you - not all right, but in one piece? Much as you can be.

[He simply nods to her request, making his way in and closing the door behind him. When she motions for him, he takes the seat and leans his chin against the palms of his hands to look up at her. ]

I'm alright...? I--- it's probably a stupid thing to be askin' if you're alright though. Especially after... [he trails off, not wanting to repeat what it was.]

You should never have had to see that. I'm sorry that you did.

[Constance takes a deep breath, fidgeting with her hair.]

I should have had that conversation in a more private arena, particularly where it concerns my feelings about your father.

...I wish I really could be your stepmum, Eridan. But your father doesn't feel that way about me.

It happened, but I uh. I sorta do agree that it should'we been kept a bit priwate but it happened and I saw it and you can't change the past.

[He sits up, curling his fingers together until his palms are together.]

But... I think it shouldn't matter how he feels about you, really. If I think of you like that, I think I should hawe the right to call you my stepmum. Or just my mum. [Eridan then shakes his head.] Really, if I call Fef and Mee my sisters, there shouldn't be anythin' different about it.

It should have been. But I let my emotions get the better of me for a moment.

[As she listens, the expression on her face changes, becoming unreadable after a bit. She's quiet for a moment, then.]

I wish it were so simple as that, Eridan. I would love nothing more.

[Her voice cracks, and she reaches for a handkerchief. She's going to need a moment to find her words.]

[And now it's his turn to listen, except he's going to make his expression very clear. Eridan's tired of this, tired of being told that he can't do something or something similar to that. Being fourteen sucks.]

If only a lot of things were that simple, right? [He's still not impressed, and he makes a small sound as he adds on.]

I still think it should be. I mean, what is there really to stop me from sayin' that?

[Being an adult sucks more. And she's trying not to rip into him with the force of all that emotion she's still feeling, but it's like trying to hold back a hurricane. Constance stands again, pacing a bit, and there go the tears, at least some of them. It's not right to be the one crying in front of a teenager who doesn't actually know any better, though, and she manages to pull it together after a moment.]

The world is not a simple place. Relationships are not simple things, and telling someone that you love them doesn't mean they will return the feeling. If that alone were enough, then there might have been a wedding before school began. I don't know. Or perhaps the winter wedding might truly be a thing to celebrate, rather than one people are actively looking to disrupt.

...as much as I would absolutely love for you to call me mum, Eridan, right now, it's a reminder of something very painful, something that I very much wanted to happen, but didn't. It's nothing to do with you at all, and everything to do with the way that your father hurt me.

And I don't know for certain, because I don't often speak to him these days, but I think it would hurt him just as much.

[Watching her get up, Eridan was curious to what she was doing, but not about to address it. He was better to listen and stays quiet even after she's finished. The boy was just letting it all sink in, and it starts to get to him. He's been having his own slight relationship trouble that no one's really known about, and what she says about the entire situation hits him. He pulls his legs up against his chest in the chair and hugs his legs to make sure they're not going anywhere. He understands the situation as much as he can and he realizes that it really is shitty and it wasn't fair to anyone. ]

I'm sorry.

[He pauses only to let out a sigh, shaking his head.] I'm sorry about father. Ewen though I know how the whole relationship thing is. Sort of. Not... like this but. Yeah.

You don't need to apologize, Eridan, and you especially don't need to apologize for your father. What he did is his fault and his alone, no one else's.

[She takes a seat, and she looks him square in the eye.]

He's the one who should be apologizing to you, for making you feel like you need to apologize for his actions. But you don't need to. None of this is your fault.

[Constance thinks for a moment.]

I wish it could be the same with me as it is with your sisters. But you have a blood bond with them, and that can't ever be broken. No matter what happens, they will always be your sisters.

I can offer a compromise, but it's all I can do: your father can't stop you from seeing Feferi and Meenah. Around them, and when you're around me - just me - I can let you call me Mum, if you want. Just not around your father.

I know, I know... I was just feel like I should in a way, even though I know it's not my fault and all, I just feel like it.

[Eridan shakes his head again, then his eyebrows raise at her proposal.]

You're right, plus, like I said before, no one can stop me from callin' them my sisters, absolutely no one.

Even though I really dislike that it has to be like that, but... I'm willin' to compromise, because I really want to call you Mum. I actually really do.

Don't. What he did isn't your fault, Eridan. I promise.

[She dries her eyes, even if they go misty again a moment later.]

No. No one can stop you from calling them your sisters, because they are your sisters. By blood and by how you feel about each other.

[And she opens her arms for a hug.] Come here, you.

[He simply nods at that, since he doesn't have much fight against trying to defend his father at the moment.]

Right. [He smiles, because he knows this. He's known and felt this way about them ever since the news was brought up over the summer, and really...? They were one of the best additions to the family that he could have ever imagined.]

Oh...! Alright. [Pulling his legs down to where they touched the floor, he steps off from his chair and moves in for the hug. It was safe to say that he just really felt good getting this hug after all that.

He just really likes hugs.]

[She's going to simply hug him for a minute, trying not to think about any of the what-ifs that are floating around her head. As much as she would have liked to be there, to really play the role, be the mum, it's not going to happen. It hurts to think about.

So she doesn't, rubbing his back, making a soft shooshing sound.]

I wish things were different. But you're stronger than you think. You're going to be all right.

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[closed] I've always hoped that you'd end this reign

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