sortinghat_logs | A difficult discussion

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A difficult discussion

WHO: Sybille Matteris and Bro Strider
TONE: DEPRESSING UGH. Feelsy.
RATING: PG-13 for Language and Sads
WHEN: After agreeing to meet Murdoc, but before actually going to see him.
WHERE: The Charms classroom
WHAT: Sybille sent Bro a note asking to meet for a talk. He reluctantly agreed.
STATUS: [ONGOING]
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It was one of the last things he wanted to do right now. Not just because he was supposed to be meeting Murdoc, but because... She was one of the last people he wanted to talk to. In a way he knew it wasn't her fault, because... Murdoc loved her. She couldn't control that. She couldn't control the things Murdoc said, or the fact it seemed like Murdoc had played him. She wasn't responsible for that. But in a way it felt kind of like she was taking Murdoc away. It was stupid, it was teenagery bullshit, but he couldn't help the resentment he felt towards her. But considering everything lately, he couldn't just say no to her as much as he wanted to.

So he'd agreed reluctantly to meet her in the Charms classroom inbetween meeting with Murdoc. His mood was in the ground and it felt like he was physically dragging it behind him as he made his way to the classroom, which just made him feel even worse as he went on. He wasn't looking forward to the talk at all, especially not when Murdoc was waiting for him. A part of him wished he could just blow them all off and run away. But he couldn't do that, and it would be the epitome of immature.

He just... couldn't help himself. Everything hurt and nothing was okay and he felt betrayed by both parties. And really what hurt the most was that it solidified the fact he was such a goddamn third wheel. He'd felt that way a little over the last couple of weeks. But he hadn't thought Sybille and Murdoc were actually a thing. Or that there was a possibility they were going to be a thing. So he'd given in to his selfishness and decided to go after Murdoc. And then this. The betrayal he felt was just... agonizingly painful. He just wanted to shut himself in his office and never come out.

But there he was having to go see her. And then him. No amount of preparing would ever make it easy, so he'd finally just decided to go. The sourness of his mood was probably radiating over him as he made his way into the charms classroom.

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Sybille didn't know how Bro felt. Of course she didn't - she barely even knew how she felt. Truthfully, she was just...numb. She wasn't afraid of Snow. At least, not for herself, but she wasn't just responsible for her own actions anymore. She had to learn to not think of herself first, and she was trying to do just that.

So when Snow mentioned Vriska and made threats of separating them...she didn't know what to do. If she took Vriska away, what would happen? Hogwarts was a good school. Sybille would rather she learn here than any other school, and would rather she stay here where she knew children her own age. Regardless of what Sybille had said, she knew she wouldn't be able to teach Vriska herself, and she had promised Vriska she wouldn't leave her. If she put her in another school she would be doing just that, even if that was a remarkably irrational thought there was a bit of truth. If Vriska wasn't at Hogwarts, where Sybille had a job and friends, she would hardly see her. She would be leaving the girl who was practically her child behind.

So she panicked. And now she was engaged to Murdoc, and even if she had imagined them together when she was a silly little girl, this...shouldn't be happening. There would be no love in their marriage, and she knew that love wasn't a requirement for marriage, but that didn't mean she had to be pleased with the fact she was getting married. She was truly hoping they wouldn't have to go through with the paperwork, that maybe if Snow learned of an engagement he would back off and she could use that time to get citizenship another way.

However she didn't trust Snow. She couldn't trust him, and she was afraid of what would happen if things fell apart. Now she had to talk to someone, and Bro came to mind. She had seen them talking at the party organized by Dumbledore, and perhaps this was stupid, but she believed that talking to Bro was a good idea. She knew him, sort of, perhaps not at quite the level that meant you were able to vent all of your recent failures at a person, but maybe he would understand. Maybe he could help. She damn well hoped he could help.

So when he enters the room, she smiles at him hopefully. It falters for a moment, but she presses on. "Bro. I'm...glad to see you."

Bro, for the moment, is a little oblivious to the happenings with Sybille and Snow. He knew the High Inquisitor was causing trouble, but he'd seen Murdoc's entry before reading Sybille's. After seeing that, he'd ignored everything else. If he'd known, maybe he wouldn't be as angry with her or quite so resentful. But even then, he probably still would have for several different reasons- many of which were selfish and simply not her fault.

So when he enters and she says that, a part of him feels a little guilty, but it's overshadowed by the resentment. The desire to be anywhere but here at this very moment. Even so, he tries to force a smile, tries not to let it really show. "Hey," he said, crossing the room and pulling out a chair from one of the desks. "So if you called me here to tell me about the wedding, I already know." Except when he says that, there's... something in his voice. It's subtle, because he's trying to sound casual. But it's there.

"I imagine the rest of the school knows by now," she mutters, and yeah, okay, there's definitely bitterness there. But bitterness will get her nowhere, and she forces a wider smile. She's nervous, now, and instinctively reaches for her wand. The Charms classroom is already protected against ghosts, but there are so many other ways to eavesdrop. With just a few quick spells disguised as nervous tapping the classroom is completely protected from anyone who could tell Snow. Anyone who comes across them will hear them talking about Quidditch, and now Sybille knows Bro won't tell a soul. Quite literally, because of he tries to tell anyone Sybille's secrets that shouldn't know them, he'll go temporarily mute.

It's paranoid, yes, but effective.

She tucks her wand into her rob, pacing towards Bro before stopping half way. She can hear the unhappiness in his tone, and it's unsettling. She doesn't know if Murdoc has told him anything about why they're engaged. "Though I'm sure you're surprised. It's a bit...sudden."

This is where she has to tell him. Tell him that the engagement is a fraud and now she's going to be stuck with Murdoc for the rest of her life because if she doesn't she's afraid she'll lose the last member of her family. She can't, though, can't find it in herself to force the words out. It would be quick, like ripping off a bandage, but she just...can't.

Under normal circumstances, Bro might have felt the subtle feeling of magic taking hold on him and around the room, but right now he's just too emotionally turbulent to really notice. He just dismisses it as a nervous habit of hers and doesn't think much about it when she starts tapping her wand. At her words, he lets out a laugh that sounds a bit like a scoff. "Yeah, no shit. It sure wasn't a subtle announcement."

At her next words, his eyes flick away from her behind his shades and he grips the wood of the chair a little harder. "Yeah. Sudden. It would've been great to know sooner," he says, "But I guess some things slip your mind when you're just that in love, don't they? And then when it finally catches up to you, you've gotta announce it for the whole goddamn world to see. Yep. I get it."

He swallows, trying not to get too upset. He's trying to reign himself in, trying not to sound as resentful as he feels. "I had no idea you two'd worked through your issues and that you were so happy together."

There's a long pause before Sybille answers. She stares at Bro, and it hurts more than she thought it would. She's never been very good at controlling her anger, and she is pissed. She wants to scream and throw things because it's just not fair. It's not fair she has to ruin her life and her friendships because of a man with far too much power. It's not fair she feels like she's been backed into a corner and doesn't have a choice.

Deep breaths. She needs to have a somewhat level head, and even though her hands ball into fists she's not hurting anything just yet.

"Yes, miraculous how things work, isn't it? How me and Murdoc are just so happy. I'm just so happy, you see. Practically overjoyed." She laughs shrilly, and she turns back to her desk, picking up one of the papers still on it and tearing it apart. It's a small distraction, but it helps. "I think the only thing that would make me happier would be if this wedding doesn't happen."

On some level he can sense her pissyness. Maybe it's because he himself is in such a sour mood that he's just in tune with it. It surprises him though, because what the hell does she have to be pissy about? Nothing. She has everything she should ever have wanted. So why is she getting angry now? But he doesn't say anything, because that would just be confrontational. Even though he's tempted to snap at her himself and tell her she should be happy, she has Murdoc. She won.

Except he isn't sure when it became a goddamn competition.

When she speaks, he's caught off guard by her tone. Maybe he shouldn't be, given the anger he could sense, but he'd thought- hoped- he'd misinterpreted it. Because she doesn't have any reason to be angry as far as he's concerned.

He isn't sure what her deal is, but when she laughs like that, tears the paper, he's sure she's gone insane. It just doesn't make sense for her to be acting like this, but here she is. It kind of pisses him off. But then she says the last thing, and his reply dies in his throat. That wasn't something he expected to hear. Not at all. He isn't sure if it makes him feel relieved, or if it makes him angry.

Actually no, he realizes what it makes him feel. It makes him feel confused as fuck. "Excuse me?" he lets out, eyebrows shooting up, his voice sounding completely perplexed. Because why would she want that? Why would that make her happy? Why the hell would she accept the goddamn proposal if she didn't want to?

[Tearing the paper doesn't make her feel better. In fact, it makes her feel worse. She doesn't have control over this, and everything just keeps falling apart and she is just.

Over it.

She's regretting coming to Hogwarts. If she hadn't returned, she wouldn't have to care for a child. She wouldn't have met Murdoc again, and she could have just carried on with her merry little life. She could be doing so much more with her life, but now she's stuck at this school with a child who she doesn't know how to handle and that she somehow cares so deeply for. Now she's stuck with so little options and she's so frustrated, and she knows, just knows that everyone else will question. Judge. They won't understand.

She glances at her journal. Remembers her conversation with Klaus.

Ugh. She was just constantly fucking up.]

We're not in love. [Even if Murdoc had confessed to her. He was drunk, and she was going to tell herself it was just the alcohol talking.] This engagement is nothing that you think it is. It's just a stupid plan to try to keep Snow from kicking me out of the country.

[If only Bro knew everything she was thinking, it might make life a lot easier. Because he can sympathise- he really, really can. Not knowing how to be a parent, feeling like you fail at every turn... And that was even before Dirk came along. It was a constant struggle and it felt like the most difficult thing in the entire world and sometimes like the whole world was just fighting against you at every turn.

He's quiet for a few long seconds after she speaks, because he wasn't prepared for that at all. He'd known the Inquisitor had come in and caused a fuckload of drama, but he hadn't known... this. He'd seen Murdoc's entry and that was that. The impression had been made and it wasn't something he could erase. But if he'd known- it wouldn't have made it better, but...

No, it really wouldn't have made it better at all. Everything's just even more fucked up now than it had been a few minutes ago. In a way he can understand things better now, but in a way it just makes the whole situation that much worse, and he feels angry for selfish reasons.

Don't get him wrong, the news that this guy was threatening to deport her was sickening. Even worse was that it suddenly hit him how on edge he should be, if Snow could deport her... What would he be able to do about the CPS investigation? Could he get Dirk taken away? Those thoughts are now buzzing in his head.

Along with stupid, selfish thoughts of Murdoc. Because he knows how in love with her he is. How... hopeful he probably is. How much it's going to hurt when the marriage inevitably ends- unless she falls in love with him, which is a very real possibility in Bro's mind.]

You're not- I mean... Why'd you say yes then? D'you know what that's going to- I- Did you even try and find another goddamn alternative before just... saying yes to him?

I don't have the time! I need this dealt with now! I'm hoping this will just buy me time, so I can do something. So I don't get stuck in a loveless marriage just so I can keep my kid, who isn't even really mine, with Snow breathing down my back and waiting for me to screw up!

[She's screaming by the time she finishes, chest heaving and breathing heavily. She didn't mean to get so angry, or to yell, but she doesn't know what else to do.

She's quiet for a long while, and when she speaks again her voice is shaky.]

And who's to say anything will work? What if he makes me leave Vriska behind anyways?

[She shakes her head. She didn't want to talk about this, not to Bro, or Murdoc, or even Klaus. She just wanted to be done with all of this.]

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A difficult discussion

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