BROOM CLEANING + 4TH WALL EVENT

[shnpc]

WHO: The Whole School + ANYONE ELSE
TONE: That shit cray
RATING: PG – PG-13
WHEN: June 9th and 10th
WHERE: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; Broom cleaning is on the front lawn, but feel free to wander!
WHAT: Students and Teachers are cleaning brooms for the surrounding community in attempt to raise funds. Crazy hijinks ensue when the 4th wall is promptly broken.
NOTES: Use any comment format you like, and tag around! Have a good time and enjoy your stay.

Comments

[thorny]

[the idea of becoming similar to her mother in any way causes a grimace to slither across Rose's face. dropping that topic because FUCK YOU DAVE SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE A SAD LONELY ALCOHOLIC]

In the most technical sense. I'm a bit more supernaturally endowed than the 'normal' people you're used to running into here, but I've certainly never received a welcome letter to a prestigious school of witchcraft.

[clockspinner]

[HA. Victory, thy name is Dave. The tiniest of smirks flicks across his lips at the grimace, because a victory is a victory, even if it was carried on the saggy tits of their mom.]

Sucks for you, then. Wait, how are you even here, if you're not a witch? Muggles can't even see Hogwarts.

...Shit I'm sort of trusting you to keep up on the lingo, but maybe I should explain.

[thorny]

It's not necessary. [is Rose going to explain that she's a huge nerd for the fictionalized world her alternate!brother is living in? hell no. is she going to appear smooth and collected in this situation despite apparently having no reason to know these words.

fuck. yes.

another passive victory for one (1) Rose Lalonde.]

The cause of my appearance here is difficult to pinpoint exactly, as I don't recall doing anything particularly provocative to a spacetime rift before winding up here. The fact that I'm not wandering off in a confounded daze, however, may be owed to my penchant for Seeing a great deal of things other people can't.

[clockspinner]

[Uh-huh. One fairly thick eyebrow arches over his shades. Obviously he has no idea that there's a book series depicting the fictionalised world he lives in.]

So...where's your Dave? [If it weren't for the shades, it would be easy to see that he's mildly unsettled by the idea of having an alternate version of himself running around.]

[thorny]

I haven't seen his insufferable visage yet since my arrival here. It's entirely possible that he's remained behind, but if not I imagine that he's somewhere in the castle defacing paintings or talking John into leaping off the moving staircases.

[you know. typical prick-like business. she feels you on the doppelganger front, bro, although she's obviously never going to outwardly show that.]

[clockspinner]

Ha, like John's not smarter than that. Besides, I totally got him to do it in first year.

...unless you're talking about your John, I guess. This doppleganger stuff is bullshit.

[thorny]

If anyone else shows up I fear that we're going to have to resort to ridiculous epitaphs such as Strider and Strider Prime to differentiate everyone in conversation. What a disaster that reunion would be.

[clockspinner]

Our little cousins are around here somewhere.

[He considers that for a moment.]

D'you and your Dave have Dirk and Roxy, too?

[thorny]

[her eyebrows furrow slightly] This is the first time I've heard either name used in a familial context, so unless there's an unpleasant surprise lurking in my future I'm going to have to respond with a negative.

[clockspinner]

Guess everything's not the same, after all. Gotta say that's a bit of a relief. My mind was starting to feel dangerously blown there for a minute.

[thorny]

Speaking from experience, I can assure you that there's a great deal more than a pruned family tree separating our worlds from appearing identical. You can cease your heart palpitations and sleep peacefully from here on out.

[clockspinner]

I mean, I figured, since you're not a witch, which means your Dave probably isn't a wizard, either.

Besides, I'm a Strider. My heart was excised at birth to prevent the development of feelings.

[thorny]

I imagine that at this point in the conversation he'd posit that he was indeed a wizard of ill beats or something equally ridiculous in that vein, but thankfully for the both of us such an interruption remains hypothetical.

After all, just because all Striders have been emotionally neutered doesn't mean that the steely grip of panic is unable to take hold of them.

[clockspinner]

And I wouldn't blame him if he did. I'd have to defend my title, however, and since you're the only one around you'd have to referee.

Of course it isn't. Striders are emotional rocks. You could build a house on this sick bitch and it wouldn't come down for hundreds of years. Ain't nothing sturdier than a good old Strider foundation. You can't just get that shit at B&Q.

[thorny]

What an unfortunate tragedy. Pinstripes and fair rulings have never particularly appealed to me, especially when operating in tandem. This is bound to be a conflict that ends in slaughter.

[uh-huh yeah ok don't mind this slightly skeptical look] I'm afraid that I'll have to see the building inspector's report before I even consider putting an offer in on this purportedly impregnable Strider chateau.

[clockspinner]

May the best Dave win, and the loser fade into eternal obscurity, like a cheeto dropped behind the fridge.

Sorry Lalonde, I know I'm irresistable, but I just don't think it would work. You're my twin sister from another universe. Your Dave would be too jealous. I can't stab myself in the back like that.

[thorny]

And yet not even a minute ago you expressed no qualms about brutally beating him in a championship bout for the coveted title. You really need to stop sending me conflicting messages; even a girl such as myself doesn't know what to do with them.

[clockspinner]

Well obviously it's not stabbing him in the back if I utterly thrash him in a rap battle. Stealing his sister from behind his back, however, is a low blow even for me. Besides, much as I'd like to sling you over the hindquarters of my shining white steed and ride off into the sunset with you as my prize, you're your own girl and I gotta respect that.

[thorny]

Decades of women's rights work and my own basic ability to function as an independent human being are incredibly grateful for this conclusion. You truly are a chivalrous knight without equal.

[clockspinner]

[At that, he smirks and affects a thick Southern drawl that's only moderately better than most UK citizens' attempts at the same. He fake-tips a hat that he's not wearing.]

Well thank y'kindly. I done been raised right.

[thorny]

[god it's so awful that she can't help but play along, adding a little Southern belle to her own voice and curtsying nice as you please with her skirt]

I do declare, that seems to indeed be the case. My poor little heart is fluttering in my chest as we speak.