Karkat Vantas (
selfhatred) wrote in
sortinghat_logs2012-04-24 06:00 pm
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WHO: Karkat Vantas and YOU
TONE: light
RATING: PG-13 (for Karkat's mouth mainly)
WHEN: backdated slightly to April 22nd
WHERE: the library
WHAT: Karkat's doing homework and you're invited to bother him
STATUS: ongoing
Eighteen inches for Charms and twelve inches for Care of Magical Creatures. Who the hell set these ridiculous amounts of homework? Oh right, the teachers. If there was one thing about the school that Karkat abhorred more than maybe the lake or how long it took to get to class, it was the homework. Who the hell wrote in inches anyway? He couldn't count on his aunt to give him a good grade in Care just because they were related either which was disappointing but he guessed that was how things went anyway.
He'd been sitting there since after lunch, and he stretched, placing his head on his arms with a huff. This was ridiculous.
TONE: light
RATING: PG-13 (for Karkat's mouth mainly)
WHEN: backdated slightly to April 22nd
WHERE: the library
WHAT: Karkat's doing homework and you're invited to bother him
STATUS: ongoing
Eighteen inches for Charms and twelve inches for Care of Magical Creatures. Who the hell set these ridiculous amounts of homework? Oh right, the teachers. If there was one thing about the school that Karkat abhorred more than maybe the lake or how long it took to get to class, it was the homework. Who the hell wrote in inches anyway? He couldn't count on his aunt to give him a good grade in Care just because they were related either which was disappointing but he guessed that was how things went anyway.
He'd been sitting there since after lunch, and he stretched, placing his head on his arms with a huff. This was ridiculous.
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It was enough to make him regret ever wanting to go into the forest with Equius in the first place. He was seriously starting to reconsider even trying to get the elf tears now. Maybe he and Karkat could go together, alone... But, there were other more important things than that, at the moment.
He clenched his fists. "I...I should, talk to him," he murmured, "And by talk, I mean... possibly with magic, as in... a duel, or something, because, I can't just l-let him do that to my... t-to you, I mean." He'd started off sounding pretty courageous, but then the nerve died somewhere along the way and he sounded pretty nervous. He wanted to be able to stick up for his friends, and especially for Karkat, but... Wow, it was really hard in actual practice.
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"Hey, man, don't even think about doing that." He glanced off to the side for a moment before shrugging. "It's really not that bad when you consider what that guy could've done. I mean, I punched him first and all he did was change my hair colour." Plus he made some pretty radical suggestions about Karkat's sexuality but...Tavros didn't need to know that.
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But he wanted to be. He stupidly wished the he could be the hero, like everyone else was to him. Like Karkat had been, when he punched Dave for him. Tavros wanted to be more like Karkat so much. Just a little taste of the confidence he had would be really, really good. And then maybe he could be the hero, too. Just once. Because even when he'd tried to be the hero for Gamzee, it had failed spectacularly, and he ended up needing to be saved from that too.
He just really wanted to be able to be there for his friends, why was it so hard? He would have been okay with it, even, if it wasn't for the fact that no one expected him to be able to do it. No one encouraged it. They always told him not to, to forget about it. It made him feel weak.
They were right, he was weak. He would be better off not doing anything at all. After a few seconds, he just attempted to push that thought, and every other thought away. Because... he had to be there for Karkat somehow, even if he couldn't be an actual hero. He could help in other ways, like he usually did. Even if it didn't feel like enough a lot of the time.
Tavros opened his eyes. Not a lot of time had passed since his inner conflict and insecurities reared their ugly head. A few seconds at most. He attempted a smile, though it was a sad one that didn't quite reach his eyes. When he moved, his own actions were just as hesitant as Karkat's were at touching his hand, but Tavros lifted his free one and brought it up to Karkat's hair, taking a strand gently inbetween his thumb and forefinger. "...I like it," he whispered after a few seconds, and he gave Karkat another shy smile, as his blush returned. "A... a lot, actually."
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That was why he watched romcoms and indulged himself in romance novels. He wanted to believe someone could make him calm, could love him unconditionally. He just wanted that kind of companionship, but he was used to his anger driving people away. He'd already proven that happened with what happened with Jade, but they'd made up. He was capable of controlling himself...right?
He tilted his eyes upward to look at the hand touching his hair, fingers around Tavros's hand holding him a little softer than before. His lips quirked just a bit before he tilted his head, regarding the other boy with a raised eyebrow as his own small flush crossed his cheeks. "I'm considering keeping it, just to spite him."
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"I think that, it suits you," he added after a seconds pause. Despite his insecurities a few seconds ago, he was starting to feel better already, slowly. He was still sad that he couldn't do anything about it, but he was trying really hard not to think about that.
It didn't help though, when he considered offering to fix it for him if he wanted to actually get rid of it, because he remembered the last time he tried fixing a hex on Karkat. It hadn't ended well. Why was he so bad at trying to do things for people? It was really discouraging. And just like that, he was back to feeling like a failure. "I'm sorry," he murmured suddenly, unable to really keep it from coming out.
He was sorry for being so bad at helping, and also that it had happened in the first place. Because he knew in a way it was his fault, for actually telling Karkat about the dress in the first place, prompting him to try and help, leading to a fight. He wished he was better at keeping secrets, because every time he spilled one, it tended to end badly. It wasn't like he meant to, it just kind of happened. He dreaded what would happen if anyone (aside from Jade) actually found out that he and Karkat were trying to figure things out together. It was the one secret he was trying his hardest to keep, and he was starting to feel terrified of letting Karkat down.
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Fuck. He hadn't thought about the taller Slytherin since they'd decided to part ways for a little while. At Tavros's apology, he pursed his lips together, leaning his head down to look the other boy in the face. "What for?"
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"I'm just, not good at helping people, or keeping secrets, or... anything," he continued, "You and Gamzee are just, so cool and, confident... And I can't do anything, like you can." He was quiet again for a few more seconds, before he finally looked up to Karkat, sad eyes meeting Karkat's. "I just, want to be a good friend."
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"I'm not cool or confident, man. Hell, I'm not even a good friend most of the time. It probably would've happened sooner or later, because Zahhak just pisses me off. It's just a coincidence that it happened right now."
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"It's okay," he said, squeezing Karkat's hand again. But this time he realized what he did. And then he realized he was pretty much holding hands with Karkat, and he jerked his hand away, face going red. He hadn't meant to actually do that, but it was startling to realize and he knew they were in the library, and he was just... feeling awkward. "S-sorry!" he said quickly, "I just... uh, I...I dunno..."
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"...I'll do it with you if you want," he murmured, hands finding the pockets of his jeans. It kind of didn't seem like a bad idea and honestly he'd been planning on tagging along. He didn't trust Equius, and he'd kind of ruined it for his b--for Tavros, so...it was only fair in his mind.
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"Y-You don't, um, have to wear a dress," he added, because that seemed to be one of the biggest dealbreakers for Equius, even though Tavros didn't understand what was so horrible about it. Especially if it was a secret and no one would find out about it. But even then, it had seemed like more than a big deal than it should've. "That was, I guess, a bad idea..."
But it also meant he wasn't going to be able to wear his Peter Pan fairy costume, because he would've felt silly being the only one dressing up. It was okay though, as long as he got to see unicorns...
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"It would be kind of weird," he said, but his voice didn't sound scathing at all. His flush grew deeper, something that stood out among the bright red of his hair. "Especially in the Forest. I don't think Kanaya would appreciate one of her dresses getting torn or something." He knew that all that hard work gone to waste would be hard on the Ravenclaw.
He paused, tilting his head. "When's your birthday?"
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It took him a second to to realize when Karkat asked him about his birthday, but he looked up at the gryffindor after a moment, "Oh, um... May 5th," he said. "Wait, uh, why?" He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. That was a random thing to be asked.
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But he knew Karkat wouldn't listen. Karkat never listened, when he had his mind set on something. Finally Tavros just let out a huff, and stuck his tongue out rebelliously.
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