selfhatred: (get off me)
Karkat Vantas ([personal profile] selfhatred) wrote in [community profile] sortinghat_logs2012-04-24 06:00 pm

(no subject)

WHO: Karkat Vantas and YOU
TONE: light
RATING: PG-13 (for Karkat's mouth mainly)
WHEN: backdated slightly to April 22nd
WHERE: the library
WHAT: Karkat's doing homework and you're invited to bother him
STATUS: ongoing



Eighteen inches for Charms and twelve inches for Care of Magical Creatures. Who the hell set these ridiculous amounts of homework? Oh right, the teachers. If there was one thing about the school that Karkat abhorred more than maybe the lake or how long it took to get to class, it was the homework. Who the hell wrote in inches anyway? He couldn't count on his aunt to give him a good grade in Care just because they were related either which was disappointing but he guessed that was how things went anyway.

He'd been sitting there since after lunch, and he stretched, placing his head on his arms with a huff. This was ridiculous.
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-24 09:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Tavros wheeled closer, his his lips tugged down in a frown and concern evident in his eyes even though Karkat's tone wasn't overly upset or anything. Under normal circumstances, the statement might have made him laugh, and consider the possibilities of that. But he was too busy being really worried. "What happened?" he asked, his brow furrowing as he looked Karkat up and down, before his eyes settled back on Karkat's face, eyes darting up to his hair every once in a while.
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-24 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Tavros's mouth fell open, and his stomach twisted- in something akin to anger, rather than sadness. "He- he what?" Tavros asked, his tone concerned, yet there was a hint of... annoyance, there. Why would Equius do that? To karkat, of all people- well, okay, he knew that Karkat didn't get along with most people. And that Equius... was kind of mean, despite his attempts to tell Equius that he wasn't.

It was enough to make him regret ever wanting to go into the forest with Equius in the first place. He was seriously starting to reconsider even trying to get the elf tears now. Maybe he and Karkat could go together, alone... But, there were other more important things than that, at the moment.

He clenched his fists. "I...I should, talk to him," he murmured, "And by talk, I mean... possibly with magic, as in... a duel, or something, because, I can't just l-let him do that to my... t-to you, I mean." He'd started off sounding pretty courageous, but then the nerve died somewhere along the way and he sounded pretty nervous. He wanted to be able to stick up for his friends, and especially for Karkat, but... Wow, it was really hard in actual practice.
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-24 11:14 pm (UTC)(link)
He closed his eyes and let out a soft, vaguely frustrated sigh, while at the same time his cheeks turned a light shade of pink at the contact of his hand. But he had other things on his mind. He knew why Karkat had told him not to, why he'd said not to even think about it. It was because he couldn't do anything. He was always just going to be one of those people that other people had to stand up for. He would never have the courage to really stand up for anyone.

But he wanted to be. He stupidly wished the he could be the hero, like everyone else was to him. Like Karkat had been, when he punched Dave for him. Tavros wanted to be more like Karkat so much. Just a little taste of the confidence he had would be really, really good. And then maybe he could be the hero, too. Just once. Because even when he'd tried to be the hero for Gamzee, it had failed spectacularly, and he ended up needing to be saved from that too.

He just really wanted to be able to be there for his friends, why was it so hard? He would have been okay with it, even, if it wasn't for the fact that no one expected him to be able to do it. No one encouraged it. They always told him not to, to forget about it. It made him feel weak.

They were right, he was weak. He would be better off not doing anything at all. After a few seconds, he just attempted to push that thought, and every other thought away. Because... he had to be there for Karkat somehow, even if he couldn't be an actual hero. He could help in other ways, like he usually did. Even if it didn't feel like enough a lot of the time.

Tavros opened his eyes. Not a lot of time had passed since his inner conflict and insecurities reared their ugly head. A few seconds at most. He attempted a smile, though it was a sad one that didn't quite reach his eyes. When he moved, his own actions were just as hesitant as Karkat's were at touching his hand, but Tavros lifted his free one and brought it up to Karkat's hair, taking a strand gently inbetween his thumb and forefinger. "...I like it," he whispered after a few seconds, and he gave Karkat another shy smile, as his blush returned. "A... a lot, actually."
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-25 07:05 am (UTC)(link)
Tavros couldn't help but let out a small laugh, shaking his head lightly. "You shouldn't keep it, uh, just to spite someone," he said, "you should keep it, because you like it!" In Tavros's opinion, he definitely needed to keep it, because it looked really good on him. And he might've been thinking about the little mermaid a little bit, but that was beside the point.

"I think that, it suits you," he added after a seconds pause. Despite his insecurities a few seconds ago, he was starting to feel better already, slowly. He was still sad that he couldn't do anything about it, but he was trying really hard not to think about that.

It didn't help though, when he considered offering to fix it for him if he wanted to actually get rid of it, because he remembered the last time he tried fixing a hex on Karkat. It hadn't ended well. Why was he so bad at trying to do things for people? It was really discouraging. And just like that, he was back to feeling like a failure. "I'm sorry," he murmured suddenly, unable to really keep it from coming out.

He was sorry for being so bad at helping, and also that it had happened in the first place. Because he knew in a way it was his fault, for actually telling Karkat about the dress in the first place, prompting him to try and help, leading to a fight. He wished he was better at keeping secrets, because every time he spilled one, it tended to end badly. It wasn't like he meant to, it just kind of happened. He dreaded what would happen if anyone (aside from Jade) actually found out that he and Karkat were trying to figure things out together. It was the one secret he was trying his hardest to keep, and he was starting to feel terrified of letting Karkat down.
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-25 07:23 am (UTC)(link)
Tavros let out another sigh, tilting his head down so he didn't have to look Karkat in the face. "That... that this, happened and for... not being able to do anything, about it," he finally murmured after a few seconds of silence. His tone was a mixture of sadness and frustration at himself.

"I'm just, not good at helping people, or keeping secrets, or... anything," he continued, "You and Gamzee are just, so cool and, confident... And I can't do anything, like you can." He was quiet again for a few more seconds, before he finally looked up to Karkat, sad eyes meeting Karkat's. "I just, want to be a good friend."
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-25 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Tavros shook his head, not believing for a second anything Karkat said. As Karkat's hand slipped under his, he squeezed it without really thinking about it. "That's, not true- that you're not cool or confident. You, definitely are! A lot." To me, he added in his head. "And, it's still my fault. For the whole unicorn thing. I, shouldn't have even told you, about it... Or, actually even wanted to, do it in the first place. Not, with him anyway..."
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-25 10:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Tavros was glad, in a way, that he wasn't going to go in the forest with Equius. He still wanted to, but only to see the unicorns, so that was the only reason he was at all upset about it. He'd tried denying that Equius was so mean, but now he was starting to actually see it firsthand... He didn't want to go with him. He kind of wanted to ask Karkat if he would go instead, just the two of them, but... He didn't have the nerve.

"It's okay," he said, squeezing Karkat's hand again. But this time he realized what he did. And then he realized he was pretty much holding hands with Karkat, and he jerked his hand away, face going red. He hadn't meant to actually do that, but it was startling to realize and he knew they were in the library, and he was just... feeling awkward. "S-sorry!" he said quickly, "I just... uh, I...I dunno..."
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-25 10:46 pm (UTC)(link)
His stomach did a flip at Karkat's offer- it was like he'd read his mind! Happiness began to rise up inside of him, and a smile spread across his face. "You- I- really?" he asked in surprise. He just... hadn't been expecting it. He knew Karkat had wanted to go with him and Equius, but he also knew that it was just to keep an eye on him. He hadn't thought that Karkat actually wanted to go at all for real.

"Y-You don't, um, have to wear a dress," he added, because that seemed to be one of the biggest dealbreakers for Equius, even though Tavros didn't understand what was so horrible about it. Especially if it was a secret and no one would find out about it. But even then, it had seemed like more than a big deal than it should've. "That was, I guess, a bad idea..."

But it also meant he wasn't going to be able to wear his Peter Pan fairy costume, because he would've felt silly being the only one dressing up. It was okay though, as long as he got to see unicorns...
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-25 11:18 pm (UTC)(link)
"Oh... Oh, you're right," he said at Karkat's comment about Kanaya. He hadn't thought about that... the forest wouldn't be good on a dress at all, and he would hate for Kanaya to put so much work into something that would only get ruined. "Yeah... it's a stupid idea," he murmured quietly, and there was a little sadness in his voice.

It took him a second to to realize when Karkat asked him about his birthday, but he looked up at the gryffindor after a moment, "Oh, um... May 5th," he said. "Wait, uh, why?" He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. That was a random thing to be asked.
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-26 02:39 am (UTC)(link)
"Wh- Karkat!" he said, as he realized what Karkat was thinking. No, no, no, he didn't need presents or anything. He didn't really deserve presents! Especially not when he'd been such a bad friend to Karkat. "I- you, you don't have to get me anything!" he said in a hurry, shaking his head. "Really, it's okay! I, don't need or, deserve anything!"
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-26 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
Tavros folded his arms too, letting out a sigh. "Karkat..." he murmured quietly. He wanted to tell him no, not to get him anything. Because he didn't need anything! All he needed was Karkat's friendship! Heck, he didn't even deserve that. "I..." he murmured, trying to find the best words to use to convey how adamantly he did not want anything.

But he knew Karkat wouldn't listen. Karkat never listened, when he had his mind set on something. Finally Tavros just let out a huff, and stuck his tongue out rebelliously.
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-26 03:17 am (UTC)(link)
"Aahck!" Tavros let out, try tug his tongue back in, but Karkat's grip was a little too tight and he couldn't pull free. "Kahkatlemmego!" Despite himself, he couldn't help but laugh, though, because this was just so... silly. And he didn't want to be the only one at a disadvantage, so he reached out and took Karkat's nose and held onto it firmly. It wasn't quite the same, but it still felt like a victory to Tavros.
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[personal profile] i_bullieve_i_can_fly 2012-04-26 06:31 am (UTC)(link)
Tavros's eyes narrowed slightly, but it was only in a mock attempt at being annoyed and crafty. "Eyoo thtarted ith!" he managed to get out, with a lot of difficulty. "Tho I think that eyoo thould lemme go firtht"

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