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WHO: Karkat Vantas and YOU
TONE: light
RATING: PG-13 (for Karkat's mouth mainly)
WHEN: backdated slightly to April 22nd
WHERE: the library
WHAT: Karkat's doing homework and you're invited to bother him
STATUS: ongoing

Eighteen inches for Charms and twelve inches for Care of Magical Creatures. Who the hell set these ridiculous amounts of homework? Oh right, the teachers. If there was one thing about the school that Karkat abhorred more than maybe the lake or how long it took to get to class, it was the homework. Who the hell wrote in inches anyway? He couldn't count on his aunt to give him a good grade in Care just because they were related either which was disappointing but he guessed that was how things went anyway.

He'd been sitting there since after lunch, and he stretched, placing his head on his arms with a huff. This was ridiculous.

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Karkat probably looked like a right mess from any angle. His hair was more of a rat's nest than usual, bright ginger red from root to tip thanks to Equius's spell. Two crumpled bits of parchment coated in ink sat next to him on the table and he looked rather small in his seat. He'd barely had enough ink to write both his essays again, the words starting to get a little faded at the end. But he was done with it.

The sudden crash behind him tore him away from the romance novel he'd treated himself to and he turned his head to look at over his shoulder, blinking a little in surprise before sighing. It should've figured Gamzee would be the one to crash into a bookshelf.

He pushed his chair away and stood from the desk, ignoring the filthy look the librarian was shooting him and going into the bookshelves with a small, wry smile. "Need a hand, bro?"

"No! I, uh, it's cool motherfucker, I didn't mean to be all getting up in your space," the older boy stammered, wearing an expression of uncharacteristic embarrassment and anxiety. He bent over to start picking up books, the wild fall of his hair covering his face.

"Whoa, hold up, we got ourselves a badass here." The younger Gryffindor rolled his eyes and slipped into a crouch, pulling his hands out of his pockets and kneeling down next to Gamzee to help him pick up the books he'd knocked over. He hadn't realized until he told the other boy that he needed his space how much he'd missed having Gamzee around.

After what seemed to be a long moment, he spoke up, voice slightly timid. "I've missed you, bro."

Gamzee's eyes jerked up, so that he was staring at Karkat through a riot of curls. There was something almost animal about the way he looked at his friend, like a feral dog that wasn't sure whether it should stand its ground or run.

"Yeah?" the juggalo said cautiously. He didn't know if that meant they were allowed to talk again, or if it was some kind of apology which meant they still couldn't see each other, or what. "Me, too."

"Yeah." He bit his bottom lip, red hair unable to hide his face as well as Gamzee's mess of curls did his. If anything it only served to promote the flush forming on his cheeks, making it stand out. Karkat picked up another book before he ducked his head, looking away again.

"I was stupid."

"What do you mean?" The question was unexpectedly straight-forward for Gamzee. His fingers ached to reach out, brush through that bizarre red hair (had there been a Charms accident?), but he kept them busy gathering up books. He didn't think he could stand it if Karkat jerked away. Normally he didn't give a shit, but not now. He couldn't handle it right now.

There had been a bit more than a Charms accident. Karkat's fingers found his hair again, scratching the back of his neck. He couldn't stand this silence between them. It was kind of ridiculous. He sighed again, resting some of the books onto one of his knees. "I was stupid for pushing you away. You can stop it, dude. There's this weird kind of hole without you around."

"You figured your shit out?" Gamzee asked, his eyes still wary. He wanted to trust, and damned if it didn't feel good to hear Karkat had missed him, but he wanted to be sure, too. It had hurt, badly, when his best friend didn't even come to him when he was confused and upset himself, and that made him more cautious than he'd normally be.

Karkat shook his head. He was still confused, though maybe a bit less so now that he'd made up with Jade. He hesitated to tell him about Tavros, knowing his older friend's crush. And there were the guilty feelings again. His brow furrowed into a frown, and he rested an arm on the books on his knee. "I'm still a little confused, but it's getting there."

Gamzee looked down at the books he held loosely in one hand, hiding his face again, as he said softly, "I'm sorry if I was up and making things all hard on you. I promise I won't do that shit no more."

"It wasn't your fault, man." Karkat shook his head before he started fidgeting with one of the book covers. "I just needed to think about it. I was terrified. As much as I like kissing you, there was a part of me that denied it. And that part needs to shut the fuck up or it's going to drive me mad sounding like that asshole Zahhak."

Gamzee shook his head violently, and started grabbing for books again. "I won't kiss you again. I ain't never should have put my lips on you or Tavros, that was my motherfuckin' bad, thinking you would- "

He cut himself off, shaking his head again. "Anyway, you don't have to worry about that shit no more. We're friends, and that's more motherfuckin' important than all the other shit. I don't want to fuck nothing up ever again, just because I'm stupid and all want to be kissing on you."

Oh god. This was going nowhere fast. Karkat rolled his eyes a little and scooted forward, at least until their knees were touching. "Didn't you listen to a word I said? I liked it. It took me a fucking long time to admit that to myself, let alone someone else. Hell, the only thing that confused the shit out of me was the shack."

Gamzee lifted his head, and he smiled faintly. There was something sad about it, around the edges, but at least he was trying. "I know you liked it. But liking it's a whole motherfuckin' other thing from wanting anything to happen because of it, ain't it? I mean, it's all sweet and fine you want to be kissing on your best friend, but ain't nowhere that's gonna go. Unless you want to be having makeouts whenever you feel up for it, and you know I ain't gonna say no to that shit ... but I don't think you do, do you?"

He cocked his head to the side, and there was something that looked almost old about his eyes. Old and a little tired. "Because you ain't all wanting to be romantically involved, yeah? And if we're mates, then we gotta motherfuckin' be mates, and not all macking up on each other, right? Because you be having other people for that. And best friends is more important to me - I ain't gonna even go near to fucking with that again."

Karkat rubbed his head, closing his eyes. He wanted to scream the truth so badly, wanted to just tell Gamzee what was going on. He'd already made the mistake of lying to people that mattered to him. But this was supposed to be a secret. A secret that they weren't able to keep their mouths shut about apparently, if Equius's words meant anything. He weighed a book between his hands, head tumbling in debate. "I broke up with Fef."

Gamzee froze. But then, that wasn't so weird, right? If Karkat was still trying to figure out if he was into dudes, it wouldn't be right to be staying with his girlfriend. Probably.

"Yeah? he said, cautious all over again.

"Yeah. It was a bad time for both of us." At least they'd remained friends. He couldn't bare to think of what would have happened it another of his friends hated him. "I'm just happy I was there to help her out when she needed it. But nothing had happened between us since Easter so I figured it was for the best."

" ... Karkat, bro, that sounds like. You know, like it is the motherfuckin' best for you both. But I'm not always right up here in the pan, you know? I got all these motherfuckin' holes in my nug. And when you be saying that to me, right after I be explaining how I don't think you want to be motherfuckin' boyfriends with me, it kind of gets all mixed all in up in here."

Gamzee gave him a helpless look - sometimes he could pick up the most subtle things that no one else would ever notice, but other times, he was adrift.

What could he say? He couldn't say that he wasn't seeing anyone, because if Gamzee up and told that to Tavros, even though they were keeping it a secret the Hufflepuff boy would definitely take it the wrong way. Karkat crossed his arms over his knees, leaning down a little. "Oh, right. Sorry. I'm...not really interested in doing anything right now."

"Yeah. Okay." Gamzee still looked confused, but at least he wasn't staring at Karkat anymore. "Whatever you be wanting. But like I was all saying before, and if you ain't interested in nothing, then I'm all being right, ain't I? We shouldn't be doing no more of that kissing shit."

He rubbed his forehead a little in frustration, frown increasing. Sometimes he couldn't wrap his head around the things that the older boy said. He huffed, the small gust blowing some hair away from his face. He was quiet for a moment. "Are we still friends?"

The Slytherin blinked. " ... ain't nothing what could ever stop me being friends with you. Even if you weren't wanting me to up and be your best friend, you'd still be mine, motherfucker. For life."

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