sortinghat_logs | Striders have feelings too

Entry tags:

Striders have feelings too

WHO: Bro and Dave Strider
TONE: Serious and Ironic
RATING: ...R? Strider language.
WHEN: Easter hols
WHERE: John's House
WHAT: Bro gets tired of Dave's shit.
STATUS: Ongoing

It wasn't often that Bro snapped, but he finally did. Ever since parent's day, ever since that stupid discussion where Dave found out the truth, it had been one passive aggressive and downright hurtful comment after the other. Not that Bro would have admitted to being hurt, because fuck that shit. But Dave was not as subtle as he probably thought he was, and each one was a punch in the gut. Or maybe that was the intention.

Either way, Bro was tired of it. He'd shown up at the Egbert house because... damn it, there was nothing to do without Dave. He was bored! So he hoped that going to the Egbert house would be a fun time. But nah, it'd been pretty fucking miserable. He should've known, but he'd pretty much stupidly hoped that Dave would have gotten over it by then. Nope.

So it was after Dave's last comment that Bro stood up, and he was pretty much radiating anger. He went over to Dave and gripped him by the arm and headed towards the first room that he found, which ended up being the office of one Dad Egbert. "You and me need to have a fucking chat," he stated. He pushed Dave into the room and pulled out his wand, pointing it at the door. It shut and locked by itself, and then he murmured a soundproofing charm.

"Alright, say whatever it is you've gotta fucking say because I'm getting sick of this shit," he said, his voice low and angry. "Or are you too much of a fucking pussy that you can't just come out and say it, you've got to make passive aggressive remarks that are about as subtle as that pimple of John's forehead. Man up, Dave, stop being a fucking coward- except that's me, isn't it? My fucking bad."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

For the holidays at the Egberts' house, Dave had pretty much just met Bro's presence with a stony silence. He shouldn't have been surprised. Bro gave him permission to go, and then showed up to fuck with him. News at 11. When was Bro's life not just entirely made of fucking with Dave? So yeah, Dave's modus operandi had been to not let Bro have the satisfaction of getting one over on him. He was going to ignore him entirely and enjoy the break with his friends, damn it.

So he was needless to say a little surprised when Bro just suddenly stood up, looking like he was about to shit fire, and grabbed Dave by the arm. It hurt. It actually hurt, and Dave was stunned into compliance, allowing himself to be pushed around. When he was shoved into John's dad's office, Dave looked around and subtly put a chair between him and Bro, reaching for his wand because Bro still had his out and Dave didn't know what he was going to do. He'd never seen Bro mad like this before.

But then Bro's words made him see red. "Like you've ever been legit with me!" he shot back. "You've lied to me my entire life, and now you're pissed because I'm not gonna just fucking take it anymore? Admit it, if you hadn't thought that I wanted to bone Rose, you wouldn't have ever told us the truth! I don't even know what to call you anymore!"

Bro rolled his eyes when Dave reached for his wand. Seriously? Seriously, did he expect them to have some kind of duel? He was angry, but he wasn't that fucking angry. In an attempt at toning the situation down, he stowed his wand back in his pockets wordlessly.

He stared at Dave with folded arms as he spoke, each word punching him yet his expression remained impassive. Behind his shades, though, he finally had to avert his gaze as Dave finished. He couldn't look at him anymore, because he could almost physically feel the disgust and resentment.

"You're right," he said after a few seconds. "That's the only fucking reason I told you. Otherwise I wouldn't have, because you know what? It was fucking better that way." He brought a hand up to run it through his hair, briefly forgetting he had a hat on. He grabbed it and threw it irritably across the room, shaking his head in frustration. "What d'you want me to fucking say?"

Dave stowed his own wand again after Bro put his away. After he was done talking, he watched Bro expectantly, looking for some sign. But of course, he was as fucking unreadable as ever. Dave jumped and nearly went for his wand again when the hat came sailing across the room, but it hit the wall and bounced to the floor next to Dave, and he looked down at it and then back up at Bro.

"I want you to tell me the truth for once in my goddamn life," Dave said quietly, actually letting himself sound as hurt as he actually was. "I want answers, Bro. Why did you lie to me for fourteen fucking years? Why didn't you tell us back in first year when I met her?" He paused, and looked away. "Did you pick me just because I have a dick?"

The silence that followed Dave's words was icy and the tension could have been cut with a knife. Bro didn't know what to say, didn't know how to even begin explaining how absolutely and utterly ridiculous the idea of that even was.

"Because I knew I'd make a shitty father," he finally said after a long silence. "I thought maybe I'd actually make an alright brother, so that's what I pretended to be."

He shook his head again, this time slowly. "I can't believe you honestly think that could even be true, that I fucking picked you just because of a couple extra inches." He let out a humorless laugh. "We connected," he said after another few seconds, and there was something different about his voice, it was a small difference, but it was there. Almost as if he were in the past again, reliving a memory, and he sounded... almost vulnerable. "You liked me. Rose didn't as much. We were pretty much best bros."

Dave was stunned into a chastened silence when Bro explained why he'd lied. His hands rested against the back of the chair that he was standing behind, and he averted his gaze. It was certainly true, although the only matrix for measurement that Dave had was John's dad. But there were definitely no two individuals more different than Bro and John's dad.

The shift in Bro's voice made Dave look back up at him, though. He took a couple of hesitant steps closer, coming out from behind the chair. "I liked it better when I just thought you were my brother," Dave said hesitantly, sounding a little vulnerable himself. His body posture was a little slouched and uncertain. Deflated. Defeated. Apologetic.

What he didn't say was that he preferred it because it was easier thinking that their parents were dead, than knowing that his mom hadn't wanted anything to do with him. The truth of the matter was that he'd been taking that out on Bro, and only now was he realizing that that hadn't been fair.

Dave might not have meant for that comment to hurt, but it did. He wasn't psychic, so he had no idea why Dave had said it. To Bro, it felt like Dave was rejecting him as a father, because he certainly hadn't taken him back as a brother. But he was hopeful that maybe he would, which is why he bit back a bitter retort.

The truth of the matter was, he liked it better too. He wanted more than anything to go back to when they were just brothers. It was easier, it was more fun and it was the way things should have been. He wasn't meant to be a father... but he damn sure could've been the best brother Dave had.

But instead, he was a shittyass father.

"Sorry," he finally said, his tone just as defeated as Dave looked.

Dave hadn't ever cared that they didn't have parents. It just wasn't something he thought about. He wasn't one of those whiny fuckers who lay awake at night trying to remember his mom or anything. He had Bro, and that was all he had ever thought he needed. But now, he...didn't know if he even had Bro anymore. He didn't know if he could trust him again.

But when Bro apologized, something inside of Dave snapped. For a split second, he didn't care if it was cool, didn't care if it was ironic, didn't care about any of that shit. He took one shaky step and then another, and then he was just running and launching himself at Bro, burying his face in Bro's polo and hugging him like Bro was going to slip away if he let go.

"Just don't...don't lie to me anymore. Okay?"

Bro tensed when Dave began coming to him, and even more when he was running, because what the fuck? It was as if he was going in for an attack, and Bro's natural instinct was to defend himself. But before he knew it, Dave's arms were around him.

And holy shit he was being hugged. He stood there with his arms slightly raised, staring down at Dave with his mouth hanging open slightly. When was... the last time he'd hugged Dave? Shit, he couldn't remember. As he thought about it, finally he realized it had been that day at King's Cross station. That was the last time he'd really given Dave any kind of physical affection.

It wasn't something he was used to, and he didn't know what to do. He was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, because on one hand, he could have very easily hugged Dave back and lost his cool- more than he had that day at King's Cross. But on the other, what the hell would Dave think if he did? That had a goddamn pussy for a dad?

But when Dave spoke, it kind of hit Bro that... he needed to hug him back. Somehow he just knew Dave needed it. And so did Bro. Slowly, he brough his hands down and wrapped them around Dave. Dave was skinny enough that Bro pretty much enveloped him whole, and held him tightly and protectively. "I just didn't wanna be a fucking failure, okay?" he said. "I didn't wanna do it wrong." He was quiet for a few seconds. "Sorry," he repeated. "I never meant for it to hurt you."

Dave squeezed Bro even tighter when he wasn't hugged back at first, tensing and screwing his eyes shut to prepare himself for when he was pushed away. Because he honestly thought, for a moment, that he would be. He knew that hugging was not a thing that Striders did. Not a thing that they'd done since Dave was 11 and headed off for his first year at Hogwarts, and it wasn't a thing that they'd done too much before then, either.

But the irony was that there were some times when you had to be strong and some times when you had to be brave, and then there were some times when it was okay to let your guard down and take a chance. And he was sincerely hoping that this was one of those latter times, and that Bro realized that it was one of those latter times and just fucking hugged him back already, because if there was one thing that Bro would never, ever be in Dave's eyes, it was a pussy.

Then finally, Bro reached down and hugged him back, and Dave relaxed, letting himself just be enveloped in Bro's arms, letting out a shaky sigh of relief at just how warm and safe he felt. He nuzzled his face into Bro's polo. "Promise you won't lie anymore," he insisted, squeezing tighter. He barely whispered the next part, just loud enough that Bro might be able to hear. "You're my hero, Bro. 'S why it hurt."

Those words brought out a funny combo of emotions in Bro, a combo he couldn't ever remember experiencing before. One one hand, god damn that was kind of heart melting and was giving him all of the warm fuzzies. And maybe a slight ego stroking.

But mixed with that was guilt for the lies and deception all of Dave's life. He didn't deserve to be a hero when he was such a damn liar. But he didn't know what to say for the longest time, so he just held Dave tighter. Finally, hesitantly but finally, he pulled away and then knelt down so that he was more on eye level with Dave, a gesture reminiscent of that day in King's Cross.

He had decided to make it up to Dave somehow, because he knew he'd fucked up big time. He knew he'd destroyed Dave's trust, and the only way to begin making it up to him was by being honest with him. Completely and totally honest with him. And that meant removing the one last barrier he had. Bro reached up and pulled off his shades, looking Dave in the face.

His orange eyes were filled with an uncertainty brought on by the sudden vulnerability he felt, but at the same time his guilt was there, plain to see. "I won't," he finally said after a few long seconds. "It was stupid..." Which was to say, he was stupid, and he almost said that. But he felt too vulnerable, as if saying that without his shades would have embarrassed him.

He swallowed, and before he looked away, there was a flash of fear in his eyes. Without looking at Dave, he finally murmured, "...What d'you want me to be?"

Dave relaxed into the embrace in gratitude when he was held tighter. He wasn't going to be entirely happy until he got the verbal confirmation that Bro was done lying to him. He wasn't expecting Bro to pull away, and he found himself staring from behind his shades when Bro knelt down in front of him. Dave had grown a few inches since he was 11, so he was actually taller than Bro now, when the other was on his knees, but when Bro reached up and took off his shades, Dave felt unbelievably small.

He gasped, eyebrows shooting up behind his shades, staring for a moment because holy shit, Bro had his shades off. and Dave had never even known his eyes were orange before. It took everything he had to keep from throwing his arms around Bro's neck at the confirmation that Bro was done lying to him. Instead he stood there, and his hands balled into fists at his sides. He stood there in silence for a long moment after Bro asked his question, and then he slowly reached up and took off his own shades, folding them and holding them in one hand as he lifted his red eyes, watching Bro's face even if he couldn't meet his eyes.

"Can we just go back to being bros?" he asked, hesitantly. "No offense, dude, but you were right. You're kind of shit at being a dad." The implicit meaning being that he was an awesome bro. He held out the hand not holding his shades, hoping Bro would take it with his.

Bro hadn't expected Dave to do that at all. He'd figured that whatever negative feelings Dave had for him would prevent him for returning the gesture in any way, that he would hide behind his shades. And he wouldn't have blamed him. But... Dave did, and he was filled with relief and even a little pride, that Dave was mature enough to do something like that. It made Bro feel better to not be the only one in the room completely vulnerable.

He still didn't look at Dave right away though, not until after he spoke. And Dave's words, though not malicious, twisted his stomach more than he knew they should've. He knew he was a shitty dad, but hearing it from his own son hurt him in stupid ways, even though he knew what Dave was trying to say.

Before he finally turned to look at Dave, he tried erasing the hurt, tried putting on more of an impassive face. But maybe as his eyes met Dave's, there was still a ghost of pain in his, before it finally disappeared as he composed himself, before any vulnerability left despite the fact he still had his shades off.

Except it wasn't all gone, and he stared Dave in the face for several long seconds, just. Looking his son in the face, reminded of when he was a baby and they'd connected. Despite his pain and regret, he was feeling that connection again. It was almost enough to erase the pain. Almost. In a way, it made it worse. But it allowed him to finally give Dave a genuine smile. It was small, maybe even a little sad, if Dave could read that much into it. But it was a smile, and then he nodded. Because he didn't trust his voice, had no idea what it would even sound like if he tried speaking then, because he was feeling way too damn much.

If there was one thing that Bro had taught Dave, it was that Striders always rise to a challenge. Besides, Bro had put himself way out on the line by taking off his shades - Dave couldn't remember ever seeing him without them before, not even at King's Cross - the least that Dave could do was meet him halfway. Show Bro, rather than telling him, that even if he pissed him off, even if he fractured his trust, nothing Bro ever did could truly and permanently lessen him in Dave's eyes.

Immediately after the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He could have phrased that better, probably. And when he caught the glimpse of hurt in Bro's eyes, his heart wrenched. The apology that he was originally going to stammer out died in his throat as he just stared into Bro's eyes. He (obviously) didn't remember the first time that he and Bro had connected, but he felt it now, and it completely knocked the wind out of his 14-year-old sails.

Then Bro smiled, and Dave's eyes widened before he returned it. Not nervously. No, Striders never did anything nervously. Finally, he bent down and wrapped his arms around Bro's neck, pressing his cheek against Bro's. "I'm not sorry for being a dick," he muttered. "But I'm ready to call it even." Which was his way of declaring not just a truce, but a complete ceasefire. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were. He wanted rooftop strifes and chilling on the futon watching shitty movies with the sound turned down low so they could add their own commentary. He just wanted Bro back.

Even though he was still kind of feeling like shit from Dave's comment, the smile he was given did make him feel better. And so did the hug. He couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at Dave's statement, because of course not. Striders never apologized for being a dick. And he deserved it anyway, so it didn't matter. Even if Dave did apologize, he would've told him not to be.

He wrapped his arms around Dave again and kept him in a hug for a few long seconds, because he knew that after they left that room, it would probably be a long time before they ever had another moment like this. In a way he wanted to make it last, before he picked up whatever coolness he had left and hid behind his shades again. Bro wanted to make sure that before they went back into the living room, it was clear that he cared, and was sorry, and that he loved him. That everything was okay.

As he finally pulled away from the hug, his eyes met Dave's for the first time, and he tried to say everything that maybe the hug didn't. And then just like that, the vulnerability was gone as he smirked and lifted his shades back up to his face. "You got it. World War S is officially fucking over."

Bro stood up, and turned towards the door. "How long d'you think Egbert's been trying to listen in? Hope he didn't strain himself."

Dave's entire demeanor brightened just a little when he made Bro laugh (he made Bro laugh), and he briefly squeezed a little tighter. He was intensely happy when Bro hugged him back. He was relieved that they'd fixed things, that things could go back to normal now. But at the same time, he didn't...want to let go of him yet. He wished they could just stand there for a little while longer. He knew that when the hug broke, it would go back to normal. Which was an awesome thing!

But still, when Bro pulled back and looked in his eyes, there might have been a flash of...longing, that Dave wasn't old enough or practiced enough to hide without the help of his shades. But then his pokerface was firmly slapped back on, and Dave slid his own shades on as well. "Shit let's sign a goddamn treaty," Dave replied with a small smirk of his own.

When Bro stood, the spell was broken, and Dave reluctantly accepted that, looking toward the door. "I dunno, but maybe we oughta leave before his dad starts thinking that we're trashing his office."

When Bro saw that look in Dave's eye, it made him feel relieved that Dave obviously didn't want the moment to end either. He didn't feel like such a pussy for it. And somewhere in the back of his mind, he began realizing that maybe he didn't have to keep his guard up... that moments like that didn't have to be so rare, if they both wanted them to.

Maybe he could afford to be a little less cool more often.

But either way, that moment was over, and any other ones would have to wait. "Shit, I bet he's probably freaking out and calling the british army or something," Bro said as he went over and retrieved his hat, planting it firmly back on his head. As he headed back towards the door, passing Dave, he reached out and put his arm on Dave's shoulder. It was a simply gesture, but it was one that said just because they were leaving, didn't really mean things had to go back to the distant, emotionally withdrawn way things used to be.

He was willing to try and change that, if Dave was, though he glanced at Dave through his shades, his eyes unsure, wondering how Dave would actually react. He was glad that he had his shades on, because he knew he probably looked stupid. He felt a little stupid, if only because he was so new to this kind of thing. Hopefully he'd get used to it eventually.

If Dave had known what Bro was thinking, he would have supported the idea. You know. On the inside. He would have tried to be tough and denied it outwardly, because wow they'd already spilled a hell of a lot of feelings, and now their shades were back on, which meant it was a no feels zone again.

But yeah, Dave could definitely get used to letting their guard down a little more often.

Dave scoffed but said nothing as he watched Bro cross the room and pick up his hat. What he wasn't expecting, when Bro crossed the room to come back to him, was the arm on his shoulder. After he tensed initially, though, Dave smiled a little and relaxed, bringing up his arm and putting his hand briefly on Bro's arm in a gesture of acceptance. Yeah, that was totally okay. He looked up at Bro, and he felt for a moment like he found eye contact, even through their shades.

And he just. You know. Held it for a moment. Because it felt nice, you know, to just have a moment with Bro that was completely smuppet free. Irony-free. And he tried to make sure Bro knew that he was grateful for that.

Bro felt the eye contact too, and between the hand on his arm and that eye contact, he realized there was a mutual agreement between the two of them that there could be less distance between them more often. He held the contact too, because once found it was surprisingly hard to break. Finally, a small smile crossed his lips, discarding even more irony from the fire.

Yeah, he could get used to that. It felt pretty good to smile, to not hide behind the wall of impassive assholishness he'd built up over the years. But only for Dave; he couldn't see himself doing it for anyone but him, because... Dave wouldn't judge him like other people would. Dave was the only one who understood him enough, the only one he would ever feel comfortable enough with to open up to.

Finally after a few more seconds, he nodded his head towards the door. "S'go," he murmured, reaching into his pocket as he withdrew his arm from Dave's shoulder and reached for his wand. Before he dispelled the privacy spells, he looked back to Dave with a smirk. "Wanna really mess with 'em, give Egbert what he's been trying to hear the whole damn time?" He flicked his wand and the spells were lifted, "Yell at me. Let's give him a fuckin' show."

Dave's pokerface broke a second after Bro's did, and hell, the grin that broke across his face was probably enough to make him look more like a 14-year-old kid than he had in a long time. He hadn't really grinned like that in front of...well, almost anyone. John got it out of him on rare occasions. But it was an expression that Bro wouldn't have seen since the days of Dave's emotional constipation training had started.

And damn, it felt good. It was like catharsis, just to grin like a kid for once. Because if Bro was doing it, that meant that Bro wasn't going to judge him for doing it too.

Then Dave fought to bring his pokerface back under control when Bro pulled away and withdrew his wand to lift the privacy spells. He'd already started preparing himself for the barrage of questions that he was inevitably going to get from John and Jade as soon as he left the room, when Bro paused and looked at him with a smirk. Dave's eyes widened behind his shades, his eyebrows arching up, and his mind went totally blank for a moment when he was told to yell at Bro. So he just sputtered for a moment and yelled the first thing that came to mind.

"WELL?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Striders have feelings too

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject