Graham Specter (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heartwrenching) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sortinghat_logs2012-11-25 01:45 pm
heartwrenching) wrote in sortinghat_logs2012-11-25 01:45 pm
Entry tags:
Match 2 - Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff!
WHO: Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff Quidditch Teams with Graham Specter screaming commentary
TONE: Athletic, competitive
RATING: PG-13 for Graham being Graham
WHEN: Sunday, November 25th
WHERE: Quidditch pitch
WHAT: The second match of the season!
STATUS: Completed
Ohh ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts, it is with a heavy heart – a heart as heavy as a lead ball dunked in concrete and then plated in bronze! – that I must guide you through what shall surely be a real snoozefest of a match. For those in the audience who lack basic process of elimination skills, let me remind you that our first match of the year was between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and since we only have four houses here at Hogwarts, that leaves today’s match to Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. I’ve expressed my FACTUALLY CORRECT opinion on this incredibly boring matter, yet a few of you from those… let’s say easily-overlookable… houses INSISTED on being contrary! If my wonderful Gryffindor can best be described as “brave” and the snaky folks in Slytherin are “cunning”, then we’re looking at a match between houses that can best be described as “nerds” and “and the rest”! I’m just saying it’s not promising!
Ohoho, I hear some booing coming from the stands decked in blue and bronze and yellow and black! Alright alright alright! Let’s make a deal, huh? Let’s make a little wager!
RAVENCLAW AND HUFFLEPUFF, I DARE YOU TO PROVE ME WRONG! IF YOU MAKE THIS MATCH INTERESTING, I’LL EAT MY WORDS! It’s a matter of pride now, so show me you have ANY!
And here come the teams, Ravenclaw led by Tony Stark and Hufflepuff by Greg Lestrade. Looks like Tony managed to convince his team to let him deck them out with charms that make them trail blue and bronze sparks and smoke as they walk out onto the pitch, though I see some pretty long-suffering expressions on those faces! And not all of them are on Ravenclaw’s team! Greg doesn’t look too impressed by such early and dramatic showboating!
The charms have cleared and everyone is getting into position! Let’s get this over with!!
The Quaffle goes up and Roxas Cerridwen swoops in to nab it! He zips for Ravenclaw’s goals, but Peter Parker winds up his wiry little noodle arms in preparation to beat a Bludger his way! BUT NO! Elizaveta… oh my God, what is this last name I’m reading in my notes? How do I pronounce this!? There are little dashes EVERYWHERE. I think this isn’t a real name at all and I just somehow FORGOT that my quill exploded while I was writing all these names down! Yeah yeah yeah that’s the only explanation for any of this! Oh, right, I was saying something wasn’t I? Something unrelated to impossible surnames and quill problems! Anyway, Elizaveta dove in front of Peter, yelling something at him! The distraction was too great! Although Peter sent the Bludger soaring at Roxas, the Hufflepuff Chaser pulls off a flip on his broom and avoids it! Roxas sends the Quaffle flying and… Victoria Kirkland JUST barely misses it! GOAL FOR HUFFLEPUFF, making the game 10-0!
The Quaffle is back in play, and Bonnibel Bubbington snaps it up! She nods to Natasha Romanoff and Tony, and all three of them are off for Hufflepuff territory! Looks like Tony and Natasha are mostly acting as bodyguards while Bonnibel has the ball! Ognian Jaeger sends a Bludger at the trio – it’s heading right for Bonnibel’s head! AHA! BUT NO!! Natasha swoops up and takes the Bludger to the shoulder, wincing as she’s knocked off balance! She’s dangling from her broom by one arm, but she swings her legs, gaining enough momentum to wrap her legs around the broom and right herself!
EVEN MORE COMPLICATIONS FOR THE STARK-BUBBINGTON-ROMANOFF TRIANGLE, which, let’s be honest, a more mathematical-sounding term you’re unlikely to hear in Quidditch! Fitting for the house of bookworms, honestly! BUT I CAN AND MOST ASSUREDLY WILL RANT ABOUT MATH LATER, for now we’ve got some juicy problems developing here! Bonnibel has passed the ball to Tony, and Greg sees this as an opportunity to REALLY LET LOOSE! For a house known for being a bunch of softies, he’s really playing vicious! Just SEE the snarl on his face as he slams that Bludger, sending it right at Tony! Could this be it?! Do these badgers have teeth after all?!
HAHAHA YES IT SEEMS SO! Though the ball doesn’t fully impact, it definitely grazes Tony’s face! That’ll leave a bruise! BUT CAN YOU DO MORE THAN THAT, RAVENS AND BADGERS! ?
And now it’s Bonnibel all alone as she enters the scoring area! She goes in for the kill! Vladimir Io… Ion… NOW THERE IS JUST NO WAY THAT THIS IS A REAL NAME! Damn! No way in hell! If you’re gonna give me fake names that nobody actually has, at least make them things I can conceivably pronounce! Or is this a challenge? Yeah YEAH someone thinks that this is the kind of challenge I like! NO! IT IS NOT! Challenges with words are hardly challenges at all! Don’t get me wrong, I like to talk – THAT isn’t open for debate! BUT there is simply not nearly as much joy in –
No no no, Graham, settle down. We went over this before, right? I shoulda been DONE with the name complaints ages ago! So yeah, leaving that mess behind. And right in the nick of time too! Vladimir was eager to block the shot Bonnibel made – a little TOO eager! Instead of using something you’d typically use to block a Quaffle – like, say, your chest… or your side… or y’know YOUR HANDS SINCE YOU’VE GOT TWO OF THE THINGS, Vladimir chose his face! It’s the first spilt blood of the match, ladies and gentlemen, and it’s from someone who decided a face was a perfectly acceptable thing to place in the trajectory of a speeding ball! And now here’s the kicker, here’s the cherry on top of this sad sad sundae for Hufflepuff and this glad glad gateau for Ravenclaw: THE QUAFFLE WENT IN THE GOAL ANYWAY. 10-10, a tied game!
Now that I caught you all up to speed, take a good look at what’s going down at the Hufflepuff goal, would you? “Why should I do that, Graham?” you may ask. Well, my hypothetical friend, the answer is simple – TEAM FIGHT! Elizaveta is clearly giving Vladimir a big piece of her mind, pointing at his bleeding nose and laughing! Greg eventually breaks them up, but even with the Captain’s intervention, Vladimir throws the Quaffle at Elizaveta, and it bounces off her head! Looks like she can only pay attention when there’s two boys kissing – yeah, that’s right, it’s no secret that you were starin’ when I had to get cozy with that fancy Vienna sausage of a boyfriend of yours during that mistletoe thing!!
A thousand pardons, Hogwarts! My flawless, impartial commentary has been TAINTED by that remark! Let’s move past it, but first a little life lesson assuredly unrelated to anything: moles are WAY more interesting than you think they are at first glance!! Mess around with them to see what amazing things they do.
Anyway, for that rather embarrassing display from Hufflepuff, the Quaffle gets handed to Ravenclaw. Although Tony starts to make a good play for Hufflepuff’s goals, Greg knocks the ball out of his hand with a well-placed Bludger! The Quaffle lands in the hands of Feferi Peixes! Roxas gives her cover and support as they make for Ravenclaw’s goals, forming a tight weaving pattern to avoid more Bludgers from Peter!
Victoria Kirkland looks set to take them on as Feferi enters the scoring area! AHHH BUT HOW SAD, SAD FOR HUFFLEPUFF! That Quaffle looks like easy pickings for Kirkland… EXCEPT THE WIND SAYS NO! Feel that harsh winter breeze assault us from the north, Hogwarts! Winter is coming, and apparently it wants Feferi to win! The hard wind changes the trajectory of the ball, and it’s a GOAL! 20-10 Hufflepuff!
This whole match little Coraline Jones has been darting all over the match, keeping her eyes open for that Snitch! And it looks like that hard winter wind didn’t just deliver a score for Feferi, but also a glimmer of hope for Coraline! It looks like she sees the Snitch! She makes a long, swift dive for it from high high high HIGH UP above the pitch! Aaaannnd….
TOO BAD!
The Snitch changes position at the last possible second! Coraline makes a valiant attempt to make such a swerve herself, but the choppy air makes turbulence and she shudders to the ground. She dusts herself off and hops on her broom-
BUT WHERE DID HUFFLEPUFF’S SEEKER COME FROM!? Agghh and how frustrating! How immensely, terribly frustrating! I don’t have their name in my notes! But they take the opportunity that Coraline’s crash affords and they’re off like a shot after the Snitch! They reach out… aaaaaannnnnnddd…
HUFFLEPUFF HAS THE SNITCH! HUFFLEPUFF HAS THE SNITCH!
The game is over with the badgers standing victorious over the ravens at a walloping 170-20!
Well well well, maybe you two houses aren’t as bad as I thought. Now I gotta think about how, exactly, I go about eating my own words!! Do I write everything I said down and then eat the parchment?!
TONE: Athletic, competitive
RATING: PG-13 for Graham being Graham
WHEN: Sunday, November 25th
WHERE: Quidditch pitch
WHAT: The second match of the season!
STATUS: Completed
Ohh ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts, it is with a heavy heart – a heart as heavy as a lead ball dunked in concrete and then plated in bronze! – that I must guide you through what shall surely be a real snoozefest of a match. For those in the audience who lack basic process of elimination skills, let me remind you that our first match of the year was between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and since we only have four houses here at Hogwarts, that leaves today’s match to Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. I’ve expressed my FACTUALLY CORRECT opinion on this incredibly boring matter, yet a few of you from those… let’s say easily-overlookable… houses INSISTED on being contrary! If my wonderful Gryffindor can best be described as “brave” and the snaky folks in Slytherin are “cunning”, then we’re looking at a match between houses that can best be described as “nerds” and “and the rest”! I’m just saying it’s not promising!
Ohoho, I hear some booing coming from the stands decked in blue and bronze and yellow and black! Alright alright alright! Let’s make a deal, huh? Let’s make a little wager!
RAVENCLAW AND HUFFLEPUFF, I DARE YOU TO PROVE ME WRONG! IF YOU MAKE THIS MATCH INTERESTING, I’LL EAT MY WORDS! It’s a matter of pride now, so show me you have ANY!
And here come the teams, Ravenclaw led by Tony Stark and Hufflepuff by Greg Lestrade. Looks like Tony managed to convince his team to let him deck them out with charms that make them trail blue and bronze sparks and smoke as they walk out onto the pitch, though I see some pretty long-suffering expressions on those faces! And not all of them are on Ravenclaw’s team! Greg doesn’t look too impressed by such early and dramatic showboating!
The charms have cleared and everyone is getting into position! Let’s get this over with!!
The Quaffle goes up and Roxas Cerridwen swoops in to nab it! He zips for Ravenclaw’s goals, but Peter Parker winds up his wiry little noodle arms in preparation to beat a Bludger his way! BUT NO! Elizaveta… oh my God, what is this last name I’m reading in my notes? How do I pronounce this!? There are little dashes EVERYWHERE. I think this isn’t a real name at all and I just somehow FORGOT that my quill exploded while I was writing all these names down! Yeah yeah yeah that’s the only explanation for any of this! Oh, right, I was saying something wasn’t I? Something unrelated to impossible surnames and quill problems! Anyway, Elizaveta dove in front of Peter, yelling something at him! The distraction was too great! Although Peter sent the Bludger soaring at Roxas, the Hufflepuff Chaser pulls off a flip on his broom and avoids it! Roxas sends the Quaffle flying and… Victoria Kirkland JUST barely misses it! GOAL FOR HUFFLEPUFF, making the game 10-0!
The Quaffle is back in play, and Bonnibel Bubbington snaps it up! She nods to Natasha Romanoff and Tony, and all three of them are off for Hufflepuff territory! Looks like Tony and Natasha are mostly acting as bodyguards while Bonnibel has the ball! Ognian Jaeger sends a Bludger at the trio – it’s heading right for Bonnibel’s head! AHA! BUT NO!! Natasha swoops up and takes the Bludger to the shoulder, wincing as she’s knocked off balance! She’s dangling from her broom by one arm, but she swings her legs, gaining enough momentum to wrap her legs around the broom and right herself!
EVEN MORE COMPLICATIONS FOR THE STARK-BUBBINGTON-ROMANOFF TRIANGLE, which, let’s be honest, a more mathematical-sounding term you’re unlikely to hear in Quidditch! Fitting for the house of bookworms, honestly! BUT I CAN AND MOST ASSUREDLY WILL RANT ABOUT MATH LATER, for now we’ve got some juicy problems developing here! Bonnibel has passed the ball to Tony, and Greg sees this as an opportunity to REALLY LET LOOSE! For a house known for being a bunch of softies, he’s really playing vicious! Just SEE the snarl on his face as he slams that Bludger, sending it right at Tony! Could this be it?! Do these badgers have teeth after all?!
HAHAHA YES IT SEEMS SO! Though the ball doesn’t fully impact, it definitely grazes Tony’s face! That’ll leave a bruise! BUT CAN YOU DO MORE THAN THAT, RAVENS AND BADGERS! ?
And now it’s Bonnibel all alone as she enters the scoring area! She goes in for the kill! Vladimir Io… Ion… NOW THERE IS JUST NO WAY THAT THIS IS A REAL NAME! Damn! No way in hell! If you’re gonna give me fake names that nobody actually has, at least make them things I can conceivably pronounce! Or is this a challenge? Yeah YEAH someone thinks that this is the kind of challenge I like! NO! IT IS NOT! Challenges with words are hardly challenges at all! Don’t get me wrong, I like to talk – THAT isn’t open for debate! BUT there is simply not nearly as much joy in –
No no no, Graham, settle down. We went over this before, right? I shoulda been DONE with the name complaints ages ago! So yeah, leaving that mess behind. And right in the nick of time too! Vladimir was eager to block the shot Bonnibel made – a little TOO eager! Instead of using something you’d typically use to block a Quaffle – like, say, your chest… or your side… or y’know YOUR HANDS SINCE YOU’VE GOT TWO OF THE THINGS, Vladimir chose his face! It’s the first spilt blood of the match, ladies and gentlemen, and it’s from someone who decided a face was a perfectly acceptable thing to place in the trajectory of a speeding ball! And now here’s the kicker, here’s the cherry on top of this sad sad sundae for Hufflepuff and this glad glad gateau for Ravenclaw: THE QUAFFLE WENT IN THE GOAL ANYWAY. 10-10, a tied game!
Now that I caught you all up to speed, take a good look at what’s going down at the Hufflepuff goal, would you? “Why should I do that, Graham?” you may ask. Well, my hypothetical friend, the answer is simple – TEAM FIGHT! Elizaveta is clearly giving Vladimir a big piece of her mind, pointing at his bleeding nose and laughing! Greg eventually breaks them up, but even with the Captain’s intervention, Vladimir throws the Quaffle at Elizaveta, and it bounces off her head! Looks like she can only pay attention when there’s two boys kissing – yeah, that’s right, it’s no secret that you were starin’ when I had to get cozy with that fancy Vienna sausage of a boyfriend of yours during that mistletoe thing!!
A thousand pardons, Hogwarts! My flawless, impartial commentary has been TAINTED by that remark! Let’s move past it, but first a little life lesson assuredly unrelated to anything: moles are WAY more interesting than you think they are at first glance!! Mess around with them to see what amazing things they do.
Anyway, for that rather embarrassing display from Hufflepuff, the Quaffle gets handed to Ravenclaw. Although Tony starts to make a good play for Hufflepuff’s goals, Greg knocks the ball out of his hand with a well-placed Bludger! The Quaffle lands in the hands of Feferi Peixes! Roxas gives her cover and support as they make for Ravenclaw’s goals, forming a tight weaving pattern to avoid more Bludgers from Peter!
Victoria Kirkland looks set to take them on as Feferi enters the scoring area! AHHH BUT HOW SAD, SAD FOR HUFFLEPUFF! That Quaffle looks like easy pickings for Kirkland… EXCEPT THE WIND SAYS NO! Feel that harsh winter breeze assault us from the north, Hogwarts! Winter is coming, and apparently it wants Feferi to win! The hard wind changes the trajectory of the ball, and it’s a GOAL! 20-10 Hufflepuff!
This whole match little Coraline Jones has been darting all over the match, keeping her eyes open for that Snitch! And it looks like that hard winter wind didn’t just deliver a score for Feferi, but also a glimmer of hope for Coraline! It looks like she sees the Snitch! She makes a long, swift dive for it from high high high HIGH UP above the pitch! Aaaannnd….
TOO BAD!
The Snitch changes position at the last possible second! Coraline makes a valiant attempt to make such a swerve herself, but the choppy air makes turbulence and she shudders to the ground. She dusts herself off and hops on her broom-
BUT WHERE DID HUFFLEPUFF’S SEEKER COME FROM!? Agghh and how frustrating! How immensely, terribly frustrating! I don’t have their name in my notes! But they take the opportunity that Coraline’s crash affords and they’re off like a shot after the Snitch! They reach out… aaaaaannnnnnddd…
HUFFLEPUFF HAS THE SNITCH! HUFFLEPUFF HAS THE SNITCH!
The game is over with the badgers standing victorious over the ravens at a walloping 170-20!
Well well well, maybe you two houses aren’t as bad as I thought. Now I gotta think about how, exactly, I go about eating my own words!! Do I write everything I said down and then eat the parchment?!