Red Pill

[innocent_insanity]

Who: Kurloz and Rhys
Tone: Edgy, just a tad creepy knowing these two
Rating: PG-15+ most likely due to subject matter
When: After the Shadow event 
Where: Dungeons 
What: Rhys made Kurloz an offer. Kurloz took some time to make a choice.

Kurloz wasn't too sure it was such a good idea for him to go through with this, but there he stood outside one Professor Rhys Rhydderch's office, staring at the door before lifting a hand to knock slowly. He desperately wished he'd worn his full-makeup today - if only for it to serve as something to hide his nerves behind. As it was, he stood there in his uniform that he was beginning to notice was getting a bit small (he made a mental note to Owl his mum about it later), satchel slung over a shoulder, his trusted quill and notebook ready for communication.

Comments

[innocent_insanity]

A sneer curled Kurloz's lips in a distinct look of disdain at the mention of Death Eaters before he resumed staring blankly at the professor. He was terrified of going down this road, there was no mistake about it. He'd seen a physical manifestation of his darkest fears, of him dripping blood and laughing like a maniac over it but... The adrenaline rush, the sheer power he could feel through it and the clarity it brought to his mind (killorbekilledneveragainnevertooweak!). Even the memory of those waves of sensation brought a slight flush to his cheeks and he lowered his eyes to the page before lifting the quill again.

okay.

Simple, short, but it seemed appropriate to be blunt given the little dance they'd been having around each other. If Rhys was genuinely interested in teaching him and he wouldn't have to deliberately cause pain in others to advance in his 'lessons' he wanted to learn, Merlin help him but he wanted this, and it shone in his eyes.

[grandhighwizard]

The professor smiled then, wide and cheerful, not bothering to hide his pleasure at the decision Kurloz had made. This was what he had been waiting for, this was why he had come to the school in the first place, to find fertile minds, young people who might be willing to learn. But none of the children here had had what he'd been looking for. Oh, there had been a few he had thought maybe, that he'd been hopeful about, but nothing solid. No one he'd had such a strong feeling about as this boy, no one he'd been as sure of. Getting Kurloz's agreement had been critical, but at the same time, there'd been no doubt in his mind that they Slytherin would eventually agree. All of his instincts told him that here was a like mind he could enlighten, he could mold.

"Good lad. Now tell me, what is it you expect me to teach you?"

[innocent_insanity]

Kurloz returned the smile with a smaller, shyer one of his own, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders and a knot unclench in his gut. He knew on some level he shouldn't feel quite so... relieved, about this. But he was. This strange professor actually understood, and while Kurloz might still be wary of the man and what he was offering, there was something liberating about accepting.

At the question though, the smile slipped from his face as he ducked his head, embarrassed that he actually had no idea how to answer. Strangely, he didn't want to disappoint the professor with a stupid response like 'dunno' but he literally couldn't think of anything.

[grandhighwizard]

"Hm, let's try a different approach. What is it you want me to teach you?" Rhys asked, watching the boy carefully, cataloging his reactions.

[innocent_insanity]

He flinched at that, an abrupt image of the boggart rising in his mind, crazed indigo eyes glaring at him and his own voice snarling "STILL TOO SCARED!?" and the quill stood on its tip on the paper, poised with wild magic before beginning to roughly scribble out that face at inhuman speed. His hand lifted to cover his face, eyes clenched shut to block out the image only to have it manifest in increasing detail on the page, particularly around the insanely glaring eyes.

He snarled and flicked his hand, the quill landing on its side, shoulders shaking as he focused on breathing. Staring down at the face of his nightmares, he shakily reached for the quill and wrote:

i need to control this.

[grandhighwizard]

Rhys stared at the drawing for long moments, in complete silence. His expression was impossible to read, but after a bit, he nodded slowly. "Yes. I can do that."

He looked up at Kurloz again, and his face assumed its more normal mien, the 'professor' expression. "You understand, I can't teach you to get rid of it. But you don't really want it gone, do you? Simply not ... running rampant. There are times when a lack of control - a little chaos - is a useful thing. But at the time of your choosing, hm?"

[innocent_insanity]

The look in his eyes was raw and haunted with just a hint of desperate hope that Rhys would be able to help. At the questions he hesitated and nodded slowly, almost childishly innocent in the way he admitted it. His expressive hands sat in his lap, ink-stained fingers curled into his sleeves as he waited for further input from the professor.

[grandhighwizard]

"Do you ever remember your dreams?" Rhys asked, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands loosely in front of him. It seemed as good a place to start as any. For Kurloz to truly learn anything about the nature of fear, the secrets that made the world turn, he would have to understand himself, and dreams were one of the best ways to do that - unfettered unconscious with no censor, no safety valve, no limits.

[innocent_insanity]

He began to nod... and then paused, frowning, reaching for the quill.

sometimes but not always. nightmares i always remember.

[grandhighwizard]

"Tell me about one," the professor directed. "Whichever you like."

[innocent_insanity]

The boy remained still, almost like a statue, as he considered the command. When his hand finally began to move, he did it robotically, face growing paler with each passing moment of recalling the nightmares.

i hear my voice gabbing on and my mouth doesn't stop moving, just keeps talking like there's no tomorrow. only it's not talking good stuff, just lots of scary as mothe stuff that i don't want spewing out of there, so i try to make it stop. thing is it just keeps on going, even if i cover my mouth with a hand, it just keeps on moving, so then i sew that fuc thing right up.

but it doesn't stop, just tears right through the thread and jabbers on and it starts on the damn curses and jinxes and i hear people screaming and

The quill stopped and Kurloz took a deep breath, shaking his head.

[grandhighwizard]

"Lesson one," the professor said, with that note of expected obedience in his voice, that authority that brooked no argument. "You don't stop. Not in here. When I ask something of you, you give it, when you have a thought, you finish it. Nothing goes past these walls, not in here, but you do not hold back, even if it's painful, even if it's terrifying. You can't control what you won't face, lad, and that is the stone cold motherfucking truth."

[innocent_insanity]

Kurloz's eyes widened and he nodded slowly, wariness back in his eyes. He didn't resume writing though, as if waiting to be told to continue.

[grandhighwizard]

"Don't make me tell you twice, Mr. Makara," Rhys said, eyes narrowing.

[innocent_insanity]

Those eyes were just too eerily similar to how the boggart-him had glared and Kurloz found himself swallowing hard, shaking his head before resuming writing.

i hear the screaming all over the place and then there's blood on my hands and somehow this here brother has his knowing on that this isn't his. i


i bite out my tongue to make it stop and even after it's in my hand the voice doesn't shut up. it just keeps right on going, killing and hurting more people than i can put in figures. my tongue just keeps right on growing back and no matter how many times i rip it out it won't stop.

then i usually wake up and need to take a calming draught or some shi thing.

Explanation done, he dropped his hand and quill to the side of the paper, staring at Rhys' face.

[grandhighwizard]

Nodding approvingly, the professor explained, "You will find, m'bach, that dreams are one of the most important expressions of a person's soul, the rawest expression of both their desires and their fears. Often, these two are connected so strongly that one cannot be untangled from the other. For example, with the dream you just related to me - would it have such power over you if it weren't appealing to some part inside of you? As humans, we are drawn to the dark just as much to the light, and it is the shadows that give the light shape and meaning."

He tilted his head to one side, and decided he would relate something of his own, to show Kurloz that he did understand. It was a risk, but it felt like the right thing to do now, the correct way to help bind this fascinating boy closer to him. "When I was a young man, perhaps a few years older than you, but not much, I had a recurring dream about my sister, whom I loved, and still do, very much. I dreamed that I took her down to the river that we used to play at as children, and I led her into the water, and then I drowned her - held her under the water as she struggled and cried and begged me to let her go. I could hear her, though she was under the water, in the way of dreams, and each time she pleaded, she took in more into her lungs, until she died, and then I carried her back to the big cauldron my mother used to mix the potions for the goats in the back barn, and I boiled the skin from her bones. Then I took the bones and put them in my trunk, and locked the trunk and swallowed the key."

"That dream terrified me. I would never want to hurt my sister, and yet I murdered her, quite serenely, night after night. But I could not simply dismiss it as a nightmare, something that would never happen. This dream was more powerful than the ordinary ones of being chased or falling, because there was a part of it that appealed to me, as well. My subconscious was telling me I had the desire to keep the people I loved close, as close as was humanly possible, and that went beyond the boundaries of life. Do you understand?"

[innocent_insanity]

Looking very much like the attentive pupil, Kurloz perked up a bit as Rhys began to recount his old dreams, eyes widening with a mixture of horror and fascination as the tale unfolded. Despite the disturbing quality of the dream though... Kurloz understood, especially when Rhys gave his explanation of the dream's meaning, and he found himself nodding relaxedly in response.

He had to ask though:

did you ever have a dream like that about any other person what was all close and stuff to you?

[grandhighwizard]

"Oh, yes," Rhys said quietly, though there hadn't been many. He'd never been close to many people, after all - those sorts of relationships never seemed to work out well for him, and over the years he'd learned to trust less and less. "Not the drowning. But something similar, yes."

[innocent_insanity]

Kurloz watched him closely for a while, not wanting to probe but still curious. He fiddled with the quill in his hand before dipping it in the ink and slowly writing out his next question:

are they always nightmares? when you're up and getting the dreams flowing about the folks you care about i mean.

if you don't mind me asking, sir.

[grandhighwizard]

"It depends on how you think of nightmares. If you mean, are the dreams always frightening, then no. If you mean, do conventionally 'bad' things happen in the dreams, then also, no. What do you consider a nightmare, Mr. Makara? Define it for me," Rhys told him.

[innocent_insanity]

the ones that wake this brother up in a cold sweat and too scared to go back to sleep in case he sees that shi stuff again.

Tapping the quill against the paper, he thought a moment longer before continuing:

its the stuff what keeps me thinking on it during the day and feeling more freaked out than usual. not all dreams with that bad stuff happening scares me, and some of the stuff that scares me doesn't seem all that bad when you stop and think about it.

[grandhighwizard]

"So you are judging a nightmare by how it makes you feel," Rhys said, and he nodded his approval. "But think on what we've been talking about. Why does one particular dream frighten you, and another doesn't? Can you always tell? Or does it come to you later, or not at all?"

[innocent_insanity]

Kurloz considered the question but in the end his answer was simple.

instincts. my brain just ups and sounds the alarms that what's going on isn't good and i don't know how it picks and chooses that stuff at all.

[grandhighwizard]

"Understanding this better will be key in your continuing education," the professor told the boy seriously. "This is your first assignment. This week, you will keep an account of all your dreams, both good and bad. When you wake from one, you must write it down immediately. Later, you may write a paragraph for each describing how the dream made you feel, and we will review and discuss it at our next session. If you would prefer to use drawings for this account, you may, but I hope I don't have to tell you to keep it separate from your school journal."

Rhys took out his wand then. "I will teach you the charm for automatic writing today, which should make it easier for dream recording in the middle of the night. Do you have any questions about this assignment?"

[innocent_insanity]

With the beginnings of a cheeky smile, Kurloz asked:

how many inches are you up and expecting from me, sir?

Shaking his head, he dropped the attitude and got out his wand, watching Rhys curiously and expectantly.

[grandhighwizard]

Rhys returned the amused look, arching an eyebrow. "As many as it takes, Mr. Makara, as ever." He would never punish a student for a joke ... unless it was a very bad one.

The big man demonstrated the motion, first, a sort of swooping curl, much like an embellished cursive loop, in writing. Then, "The incantation is Perscribo mentis. Make sure you have a quill and ink handy, or the charm either won't work, or will use whatever is nearby, including a classmate's supplies."

[innocent_insanity]

Kurloz watched attentively at the demonstration, practicing the wand movement first. He smiled at the mention of classmate's supplies, making note to try it out later next to some of the more annoying students.

He finally cast the spell and beamed when his quill dipped itself in the ink before standing poised on the paper. It began to write as he thought out:

now that is motherfucking awesome

uh

guess a brother needs to be more careful about what he thinks when up and casting that spell huh? :o(

He rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed at the slip-up.

[grandhighwizard]

"Never on my account, m'bach," Rhys said, with genial amusement. "Remember what I told you? I would expect you to show your respect for my position in ways other than not using crude language. Swearing is not something I'll object to, at least in here."

He examined the clown face with interest, though he hid it. There was another boy who used the same little faces, wasn't there? Ah, yes, the other Makara. Hm, the two boys did look a little alike, too, though they acted very differently. Perhaps they were related somehow? That seemed the most likely, considering.

[innocent_insanity]

He ducked his head and smiled shyly at that, rubbing the back of his head as he glanced up at Rhys.

yes sir.

should a brother get his move on and leave you in some right and proper quiet peace now?

[grandhighwizard]

The professor nodded, but gestured at the paper he'd given Kurloz. "Keep that. If you need to contact me outside of the classroom or office, you can use it," he explained. It wasn't an offer he made to any other student, but the Slytherin had protege potential. Perhaps it was too early to put so much on the boy ... but he was doing it nonetheless, and he wouldn't question his instincts now.

[innocent_insanity]

Kurloz blinked with surprise at that and found himself grinning widely.

thank you so fucking much! this here brother will take good motherfucking care of it!

It shouldn't have made him that happy but... there was something nice about knowing he could contact this strange professor to whom he had an equally strange connection to when necessary.

He took the page and slipped it between two books in his bag to keep it from getting crumpled, then tossed his book in followed by the ink bottle and quill.

[grandhighwizard]

"I'll expect you here next Tuesday at seven in the evening. I imagine our next lesson will be a little longer, so anticipate being out late," the professor instructed, though he smiled back at the boy's enthusiasm. Once more he was reminded of himself at that age.

This had the potential to be a great deal of fun.

[innocent_insanity]

Kurloz nodded enthusiastically and stood, flapping his hand in the sign for 'good bye' while mouthing the words, turning to show himself out.

No one could blame him for that little bounce in his step, really.