The Tallest Tower

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

WHO: Tavros Nitram, Karkat Vantas
TONE: Kind of Dark
RATING: PG-13, mentions of suicide so a little triggery.
WHEN: April 24th, after this
WHERE: the Astronomy Tower
WHAT: Tavros is depressed- more than he has been ever, pretty much. And he said something that freaked Karkat the hell out.
STATUS: in progress
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Tavros didn't think he'd ever felt this crushingly miserable in his entire life. Ever since the rap battle, he'd been feeling increasingly inferior and inadequate as a friend, because everyone else always seemed to need to step in and solve his problems for him. He'd felt better after his talk with Karkat in the library, though it was more like he'd just pushed the feelings to the back of his mind. When he'd talked to Equius, he'd brought them out and just stabbed the. Over and over until Tavros felt like vomiting because he was just so upset.

And then Karkat had stepped, and it had made Tavros feel that much worse, because it meant once again he was just a burden. Someone people had to defend, that couldn't stand up for himself.  And he'd lied in the conversation with Equius, too. He'd told him that his dreams weren't taken away, that he still had them. That was a lie. Equius had taken them, and he'd crushed them.

That was why he'd gone to the Astronomy tower. Being so high up, it made him feel like he was flying. It always did- and yet, now that he was sitting under the stars, it didn't feel the same. Not after he'd experienced what it was like flying for real. It just felt like a cruel slap in the face now. It didn't feel as high as it used to. It didn't help him capture his dreams back like he'd hoped it would. Because that's the only reason he'd gone to the astronomy tower in the first place.

He'd closed his journal after telling Karkat where he was, because he had stairs to get up, and those were always difficult. He hadn't known that what he'd said would be particularly alarming. Honestly that thought, as miserable as he was, had never crossed Tavros's mind. As shitty as life was sometimes, he liked living. Sometimes it was fun, and the fun always seemed to outweigh the bad, when it was happening.  He may have been dangerously close to the edge, but it was only so he could look out over the grounds, feel the wind and just try and pretend that everything wasn't terrible. That he was in the air and flying.

But he wasn't looking out over the grounds, nor did he have his arms spread out like he was flying. Instead, he was hugging himself and shaking violently with sobs, his eyes clenched tight as he just thought about nothing but what a stupid, horrible failure he was. He couldn't do anything right, he couldn't keep secrets, or stand up for people, or help anyone, or be confident. He couldn't be anything he wanted to be. He couldn't be a hero.

He was just Tavros, the crippled burden.

Comments

[selfhatred]

Of course Karkat had taken the other boy going to the Astronomy Tower as bad. That was the only way to take it when someone was being verbally abused and the douche doing it didn't know when to fucking stop.

After chewing Equius out, Karkat ran to the tower. He didn't know how much time he had. When he came across Gamzee beating the crap out of Equius, he barely had time to spit take before continuing on, telling the older Slytherin to give him hell, even though he doubted Gamzee could hear him.

The stairs leading up to the Astronomy Tower were hell on any other day, but they were especially irritating right now. Karkat had no time for stairs, taking them two at a time and trying not to trip up them, screaming mentally at himself for being such an idiot. It was his fault Equius was pissed off at them in the first place. Tavros had nothing to do with it aside from the whole dress suggestion.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally reached the top of the stairs and threw the door open, hoping that he wasn't going to find an empty wheelchair. He couldn't begin to explain the relief that washed over him when he saw Tavros there, the other boy's sobs reaching his ears through the hollow of the tower.

He was going to kill Equius, he decided as he strode across the platform, stalk slowing down to a few hesitant steps before he reached the other boy. He wasn't sure what to do, but his feet kept walking him over until he found himself directly behind and before he knew it he was leaning down, pressing his face into Tavros's mohawk and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.