Shadow Event Log

[shnpc]

WHO: Everyone, affected and not
TONE: Ranging from paranoid to angry
RATING: PG to PG-13
WHEN: After the memorial on October 31st through November 2nd.
WHERE: Hogwarts
WHAT: Those who have passed too near to a certain goblet may find themselves haunted by whispers of their unconscious insecurities. From themselves.
STATUS: ONGOING
NOTE: Details for the event are here, feel free to use the log for the whole event

Comments

[notthebee2]

I'm not.

Oh now, now, dearie, don't be shy. You've been listening to me ever since you were a toddler, now you just get the added bonus of seeing me. You and this... this thing that calls himself a person. What was his name again? It doesn't matter, it's all the same. Even if he knew some spell to vanquish me, I'd still be in there. In your head. Feeding off your insecurities and fears. And what a lovely amount there are, don't you think? Every time someone throws a backhanded comment or says something in the wrong tone, I grow stronger. And now that I'm out here, your weak little mask can't protect you. Everyone can see you for the sham you are. A joke. A lie. Every day you bottle yourself up as you project the image of a stubborn guy who does not give a shit about anything. But that's a lie, isn't it? You give a shit about everything. You just don't want anyone to know. No one needs to know that Sollux Captor, asshole extraordinaire is actually a gigantic mess on the inside. Because then they'd despise you more than they already do. Isn't it lovely, the world of lies you live in? Nobody says what they think about you, they just hate you in silence. They talk about you behind your back. About how retarded your lisp is, and 20 million other things. It must feel lovely, knowing you're alone against everything in the world.

[ And with that display, Sollux began breathing loudly, before swatting his arm to the left, where his shadow was, before it dissipated into thin air and materialized to his right. ]

Tsk tsk tsk, that won't do now, won't it? You can fight me back all you want, but you can't kill me. I'm all you have left. I'm you. You are alone and you're the only person who will ever support you. I'm your friend. Don't hit me, embrace me.

[allisnotlost]

[Oh... how he listens and he listens hard. Every word his shadow was saying was grating on his nerves, chipping away as slowly as it could. It hurt to see him talk this way about himself, it hurt in so many god damned ways. It not only hurt but it was making him completely furious. It was saying shit about him and he didn't like it at all, and he knew that it wasn't all true, he knew that for a fact because he believed in it. (we gettin all hopeful in here)

By this point his arms are shaking, but only because of how hard his fingers were balled into a fist.]

You're nothin' but a fake, lyin' sack of fuckin' smoke! How dare you refer to me as somethin' like that. You know exactly what I am, and what he is. Yeah. You hawe fears, you hawe insecurities, and shit like that. Hey, you're not the only damn one. It's called bein' a fuckin' human and that's just normal for some folks.

[Everyone.

Himself.

When he gets close enough, he gives the shadow one last look before lowering himself to Sollux's level, not dare to touch just yet.. but to try to continue to get through to him.]

You and I both know it's not true. You'we got your family, you'we got your friends... you'we... got the professors. [And me.] You can't be serious that some figmented smoke ghost is goin' to get you the hell down, especially since it's speakin' like that and hawin' no rights to doin' it. That thing doesn't deserwe to be speakin' about you like that, and you know it to be fuckin' true. Seriously, stop listenin' to it.

[notthebee2]

Aww, look at him trying to be supportive. That's how you know he wants to backstab you. He just wants to get close to you through any means possible. But let's see what he has to say, shall we? Your family. Your brother is a broken husk, incapable of anything. He probably blames you for what happened to him. You couldn't defend him. He hates you. Your friends? They only stick with you out of pity. It would be a relief for them if you were gone one day. Especially for Feferi, the poor girl. She has to suffer through your presence nearly every damn day. How hard do you think that is? It's pretty intolerable. And she still does it. The professors? They couldn't care less. Especially the one that yelled in your face out of a personal grudge. Now there's one who would pay to see you skewered. He would even clap and ask for an encore. What have you got left? You have yourself and this, this pathetic excuse for a snake. That means you have nothing. You're nothing.

[ And then some moments of silence. ]

.... I'm sorry.

[allisnotlost]

More lies.

[He's not looking up at it. He isn't going to look up at it, but at least he'll address things better this time. With a sigh, he starts going down the list of things that he can recall as clear as day.]

If I wanted to backstab you I would hawe long ago, I might be some fuckin' snake to that stupid thing, but I'm not, and I wouldn't. [ Skipping around because he's not going to touch the family thing because he doesn't want to...] Fef really does ... like you as a friend, alright? Especially the way she just oh so much fondly fuckin' regards you whenewer I'm not carin' too much to hear about it, I still tolerate it because she actually enjoys hawin' you around.

[Skipping over things...] We both said it ourselwes. My old man's scary as hell, but he would newer go as far as to clap towards someone's death, ewen someone that he cannot tolerate if they're a student. I mean, for fucks sakes, the man's an auror, do you think he'd really be that damned coldhearted?

[He reaches out, grasping hard onto his shoulders and giving him a slight shake, just trying to get him to stop listening to the damn shadow and to really really listen to him. ]

Stop listenin' to it.

[notthebee2]

Did you even HEAR that? That wasn--

Shut up.

[ He raised his head after Eridan shook him, looking him in the eye. The shadow had somehow decreased in size. And then, suddenly, he lashed out to hug him. He didn't even care it was Eridan, he just... needed the physical contact. the assurance that he wasn't actually alone. ]

Thankth, Ed.

[ And in the background, the shadow kept on blabbering, its voice oddly not understandeable. Maybe it was the result of Sollux's own mind filtering it out? ]

I mean it.

[allisnotlost]

[To be completely fair, Eridan hadn't expected it to turn to that. He didn't expect him to lash out and latch onto him like that, and thus... he just felt the need to sit there for a moment, still holding his arms out. He almost looked as if he were about to shove him off, but instead his arms lightly draped about him.]

Yeah. Yeah...

[This was all sorts of awkward, but at the very least it helped... and he understood how much he had really needed it. In some sense, it helped Eridan too. Sort of. More than he realizes, actually. With a quiet sigh, he rubs his back, not even focusing on the jabbering shadow.]

... No problem.

[notthebee2]

[Well, that was what he was doing. To be fair, beyond what the shadow had said, Eridan wasn't all that bad. Well, he was a douche, but so was he. But it just felt good to cling to anyone, even if it was him. He was pretty riled up, but when you're literally haunted by your insecurities, that tends to happen.]

If you tell anyone about thith I'll rip out your ballth and feed them two you.

[allisnotlost]

You know I hawen't told a soul about anythin' we'we been up to, and I'm sure as hell not about to tell anyone this just happened.

[It... actually gave him a bit of peace knowing that he helped in some way, since he hadn't gotten his ~good deed~ out of the way yet. He's just going to let Sollux get his hugs out and hope that it'll keep it at bay or something. He had no idea what to actually do right now.

And in regards to what his shadow had said about him, Eridan couldn't help but think about it just a bit more, trying not to focus too much on what had said. That was really all just some projected figment, right? Eridan knew he couldn't have been that bad.

...Right?]

[notthebee2]

[Just silence now, from Sollux's part. He was trying so goddamn hard not to burst into tears tears in front of him. Out of all people, it had to be this guy, jesus fucking christ. The one person to have a good gander at his insecurities. Fuck. He didn't care right now, though. He just needed something to hold on to, and anyone was good enough for that right now. But as superficially annoyed as he seemed at Eridan, he was glad it was him and not someone else, something not even he was aware of.]

[allisnotlost]

[The silence was slightly needed and slightly unnerving. He wasn't able to take the silence as well as he usually would, just hoping that Sollux wouldn't start freaking out or tearing up or something like that. He didn't know how well he'd be able to take him like that.

And he got to thinking... how similar they really are when he thought about it. They were both horribly insecure, filled to the brim with self-doubt. They both had more things in common than he thought was possible, and because of that he just didn't know how to take it anymore.

He knew they were somewhat friendly to each other, he knew it... but. He felt good knowing that he was the one to be able to comfort him. He didn't care how annoyed he was that he didn't leave and that he chased him down.

And it slightly bothered him. He shouldn't be feeling this and he knew it.

But he couldn't stop it.]